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December 24, 2007

Whole Lotta Xrazy X-mas LinX!

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In celebration of the birth of our Lord, Santa Christ, we share with you the spirit of the season! HA HA! Now we don't have to get you a real present! Chump! Hey, it was either this or macrame. You're lucky you're not getting an ashtray made out of Play-Doh, like Mom. Enjoy with our compliments-
The Van Gogh-Goghs

* Double-Ho-Seven

* Feelin' Scrooge-y? Den fizzuck dat Chriznismas Schnizzle and get your Grinch on: How to Ruin Christmas!

new Tis the season! For cheap nostalgia of Christmases past! Our Most Memorable Presents!

* Bring on the booze! Ah, sweet delicious booze... What better way to consume it than by playing our Holiday TV Specials Drinking Games!

* Want to see Santa on Christmas morning? Leave him a batch of our special Santa Claus Knockout Cookies!

* Not sure if you're getting coal or presents this year? Sounds like you better take our Naughty or Nice Quiz!

* Crashing the TV

* How to Prevent a Santa Invasion

* Jason's Christmas Memories He Never Really Had

* What Christmas Means to Mythical Creatures

* Santa's Land!

* The Twelve Stores of Christmas

* Van Gogh-Goghs in Secret Santa Fraud Scandal

* Van Gogh-Goghs to Participate in Ritualized Capitalist Excess

* Holiday Season Marketing Effort

* Winter Holidays Announce Three-Way Strategic Merger

December 20, 2007

Santa ONLY Smokes Chesterfields.

Much has been written about the mythic figure of Santa Claus, but one question remains. What brand of cigarettes does Santa prefer? Or to put it another way: WWSS? What would Santa smoke? Here's your answer folks: Chesterfields! So if you choose to smoke, and you want Santa to come to YOUR house, why not forgo the milk and cookies, and leave out a carton of Santa' favorite brand o' smokes, Chesterfield! Hey, Santa dropped the pipe ages ago, my friend. Do you know how hard it is to load a pipe in a crowded, jostling sled while rocketing through the air past the speed of sound? Santa ruined many a pair of good pants that way. He almost switched to dip, but then some elf turned him on to the smooth rich flavor of Chesterfields, the cigarette that really pleases your T-Zone!

Dammit Santa! You whore!

December 13, 2007

I Can Has Meme?!

Dear Santa,

Hello, it's The Van Gogh-Goghs again. We've been very, very good this year. We didn't get into ANY fights with crystal meth users in public parks, we didn't steal ANY high school mascot costumes, and didn't even so much as PLAN to firebomb Scientologist buildings. So Santa, because we've been so good this year, we wanted to ask you for a very special present. No, not a puppy. We know that we need to wait until we're older and more responsible before we can handle a puppy. No, what we would dearly, DEARLY love this Christmas is if just once, just ONCE, we could spark a World Wide Web-wide meme. An honest to God, out of control, annoying, meaningless meme on the scale of the Hampster Dance, "All Your Base Are Belong To Us" or the LOLcats. Oh please please PLEASE PUH-LEASE!!! It can be our Christmas AND birthday present!! We won't want anything for our birthday if you get us this!!!

We even have the perfect image for it! A piece of cardboard from some cheap, cheap foreign child's bowling toy with a tragically and hilariously misspelled sound effect! Just take a look, and see if you don't agree!

(click to enlarge)

So, please Santa, we've give so much to the Internet: Furniture Porn, The Rocklopedia Fakebandica, Violated By Bears Man, and a fake proposal for free hearing aids that blast you with ads that yet people somehow think is a real product. Isnt' it time that the Internet gave back to us, just a tiny, little, eentsy-weentsy bit? We'll be your best friend for life!! You won't have to give us a present ever again, ever!

The Van Gogh-Goghs