Prove Us Wrong Number 22
We don't need another t-shirt! We just something, something way home! What we want is something, something, the thunderdome!
Oh. Hello. We got proved wrong. Again. See for yourself...
Nobody needs another t-shirt. (A good way to prove us wrong is to buy a Van Gogh-Gogh t-shirt.)
Date: Tuesday, May 8, 2001 2:42 AM
I was reading the "Prove Us Wrong" on Slim Jims and Alcohol. Do you really
not like the movie "The Matrix"? That movie was the turning point of modern
movie making. Have you not noticed that every movie since has imitated it?
You can have your opionions on the plot and story line of the movie, but you
have to agree that it was some mighty fine movie making. Anyways, I lost my
train of thought when someone came into the room and started talking to me so
I will leave it at that.
The Matrix was the turning point of modern movie making? Yeah, it sure knocked color into a cocked hat. First all, imitation does not a great movie make. Second, I don't have to agree with nothing, much less that the Matrix was mighty fine movie making. It was some mighty fine special effects making, sure. But movie? A movie should tell me a story, and make me care. If you need a couple dozen million dollars of special effects to do that, well then, I feel sorry for you and you will never find true love and you will also probably get hit by a beer truck as well. The Matrix is going to be responsible for all future movies just being 90 minutes of things exploding and large breasted women doing jumping jacks.
I don't know what's sadder: the fact I can't wait to see those movies, or the fact you probably can't wait to buy the t-shirt.
Date: Monday, May 14, 2001 2:48 AM
Subj: Resolved: Nobody needs another T-Shirt....PROVEN WRONG!
Hmmmm, you write that Nobody needs another t-shirt.....well, you are
I just called Nobody the other day...we talked about many things....like
hamsters, birds and flutes. We also talked about t-shirts. It turns out
that Nobody really needs a t-shirt as he is on welfare and spends all his
money on his hideously deformed crack baby......
In case you don't believe me, just call Nobody P. Pooperton from
poopsville, Poopissippi.....you can find his phone number in the poopisippi
yellow pages under "Crooked Penis Repair"
I LOVE YOU!
First, I have to give you points for the love. Because a sketch comedy group without the love, and the respect, and the thing, is no sketch comedy group at all.
As for the rest, nutsy, Nobody happens to be my best friend. Nobody really cares and Nobody calls me every day. Whenever I'm feeling down, Nobody is there to cheer me up. So I called Nobody. He was away solving global warming, so I talked to his roommates, Anybody, Somebody and Everybody. Somebody wanted a Van Gogh-Gogh t-shirt, I told Anybody they could buy one, but Everybody seemed not to care.
Date: Monday, May 14, 2001 8:40 PM
Subj: PROVEN WRONG AGAIN
Hmmmm....so nobody needs another t-shirt you say? I know a lot of people who
need another t-shirt......people lost in a desert need t-shirts to hold water
and protect the sun's glare from their eyes....eithiopians need t-shirts to
wear as loin cloths, and llamas need t-shirts cuz they are so very tasty!
And also, i find it very conceited of you people to assume I don't need
another t-shirt.....for your information I am a very filthy animal and i go
through t-shirts like rotten toilet paper......So speak for yourself next
Hey! That's time-wasting morons to you, mister!
First of all, how the hell does a t-shirt hold water? I mean, aside from just being moist? And protecting eyes? What? A canteen and a pair of sunglasses is what these lost-in-a-desert people really need. Unless you're referring to the Book of Exodus, in which case they need Moses, manna, commandments and a 40 year calender.
Second of all, it's typically paternalistic, eurocentric, dead-white-male thinking to assume the Ethiopians have not yet discovered pants. Which they have. If they needed t-shirts (which they don't), they need them as t-shirts, not as makeshift underwear.
Third of all, you don't know any llamas. You're just trying to make yourself sound like a big shot, you big, big liar.
As for your filthy animal self, well, we'll just have to take your word for it that you do need a t-shirt and you have proved us wrong. Since you need one so bad, why not purchase a beautiful and sturdily crafted Van Gogh-Gogh t-shirt. Wear it in the knowledge that it will give you hours of quality use before your bodily secretions distintegrate it like rotten toilet paper.
Date: Wed, 23 May 2001 02:30 AM
Subject: I need a T-Shirt
To whom it may concern;
You have resolved that, "nobody needs another T-shirt," and I must
negate. To start, I don't have one of your T-shirts, and thus it would be in
my interest to buy one, but I am instead proving to you that owning
T-shirt, your T-shirt, is paramount to survival of the human race.
1) For a T-shirt collection to be complete, one must have one of every
available T-shirt. As I stated earlier, I don't yet own one of your
and so my collection can never be complete. IF, however, I get, "another
T-shirt," my collection may become more complete than it was before, and you
would not be solely responsible for destroying what could, someday, be the
best T-shirt collection ever.
2) Your T-shirt is different. Because I don't yet own one of your T-shirts,
it is better than the T-shirts I already own. The statement of individuality
and free thinking anarchy displayed by your T-shirt makes it's bearer seem
more powerful; different from all other people, at least those who don't
already own one of your T-shirts. Because society is material, the only way
to rectify the situation and make all people equal in the eyes of their
peers, would be to acquire, "another T-shirt," your T-shirt.
3) Owning, "another T-shirt," creates a more Utopian culture. Owning this
'other T-shirt' would lower crime rates, all but destroy economic boundary
lines, and unify all concerned people. In regard to lowering crime rates, if
all people were to own, "another T-shirt," there would be no desire to steal
that T-shirt from someone else, because you already own one, and proudly.
Concerning economic divisions; If all people owned, "another T-shirt," then
there would be no divination in a culture regarding who can afford one of
these marvelous T-shirts, and who cannot. Therefore, owning, "another
T-shirt," is the small but intrical part an individual can play in
eradicating monitory divisions. The unification of people is nearly self
explanatory. If all people owned, "another T-shirt," then all people within
culture center will unify under the comfort and design of their prestigious
T-shirts, not their parent's careers, their history, schooling, or
accomplishments thus far, which would otherwise force an individual out of
Thank you for your time,
Mike Mikulak, Niwot, CO.
Okay, so instead of "nobody needs another t-shirt, what you're saying is "t-shirts to everybody according to their needs." Well, lookie here, ya lousy red, they tried communism and it didn't work. If you don't like it here, go back to China! I know how your kind works! First, the t-shirts. Then all material possesions. Then our women. Well, you just try something, ya commie rat- me and Dennis Hopper can kick all y'all's asses!
Subject: Nobody needs another T shirt
Date: Wed, 23 May 2001 10:31 AM
Wow, this is a stretch. The contrapositive is easier to refute :Somebody
does not need another T shirt
Well. You sell them.
1. You have enough t shirts that you would prefer money to these tshirts
and go to a bit of effort to make this known.
2. Since you are able to support this nifty site, have the juice to keep
it running and afford a spellchecker. You have enough money.
Thus although you are not short on money, you still need these T shirts
And a related fact
If you needed a T shirt you have ample finanacial means and
communication powers to buy, lease, rent or build one.
You do not need another T shirt
I need another T shirt.
1. I have one plain black T shirt that is usually in the back of my car
from wearing it while at a Live Action Roleplaying Event.
2. It gets washed for the event, gets worn constantly all weekend. Gets
stripped off on the way home. gets left as i stagger, wrecked into the
3. I do not have a T shirt that I can wear around the house, to
barbecues, or other high visibility areas surrounded by 20-35 year old
4. T shirts do not come easy to me. I am 6'4" tall , weigh 290 lbs with
a 54" chest. Most T shirts quail in fear.
I need another (2xl or larger) T shirt.
Hmmm. You raise a lot of questions, sir. Questions like:
Wouldn't the contrapositive be "Everybody does not need all t-shirts?"
Would a "Live Action Roleplaying Event" be better described as "leaving your creepy, Dungeons & Dragons® paraphanalia-filled apartment?"
Is 6' 4", 290 lbs and a 54" chest big, or just fat?
Should I really be insulting a guy who's 6' 4", 290 lbs. with a 54" chest?
T-shirts don't come easy to you? Hell, with those measurements, I'm sure clothes don't come easy to you. It's the big and tall shops for you, you, you... sweet-natured, even-tempered, gentle giant, you. Heh.
Subject: I'd be willing to accept a free t-shirt should that question be on your mind
Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 15:03 PM
You can never have enough t-shirts and this is why -
I think that life can be divided up into times when it is ok to be naked and
times when it is not ok to be naked. This seems fair. You need to find
clothes to wear for those times when it is not ok to be naked. These times
when it is not ok to be naked are frequently attached to particular events
(say when you are attending a dinner dance or some quick laps at the public
swimming pool). When there is a particular event or occasion then that event
will usually govern what you wear. These items of clothing become attached
to particular events, they have a discrete purpose... for example the ball
gown and the bikini.
But a sub-category of the times when it is not ok to be naked involve no
particular occasion - you are just slobbing about. On these occasions you
can't be naked but you have no particular 'uniform' for the occasion. The
t-shirt is the generic cover your nakedness clothing item. It is the
stop-gap measure for application between all the things that you do where
you have fixed items of clothing to wear.
The generic quality of the t-shirt that makes it so useful is also its
downfall. T-shirts tend to get used up or lost.
Say you have 7 t-shirts, enough for every day of the week, plenty, you'd
think. But then you decide to bleach your hair so you can colour it blue, so
you have to change out of your fake fur jacket and put a t-shirt on in case
you get bleach on your cute jacket. Your t-shirt gets bleach spots on it,
causes weak spots in the fabric and then it tears right across your nipple
and the t-shirt has to be thrown out because it no longer adequately covers
Now you're down to six t-shirts and the week has only just begun. You go out
that night and you're looking pretty fabulous with your blue hair and you
pick up an oh so adorable guy and take him home with you. In bed you're
fine, because nakedness is ok there but the next morning when you get up
nakedness is not ok and you both need to get dressed. Only problem is that
he has only got his clothes from last night which are sweaty from dancing so
he asks you if he can borrow a t-shirt to wear home. You lend him a t-shirt
but because of the fickleness of young love you never bother calling each
other and voila you've lost another t-shirt. Now its 5 t-shirts left. You're
having a dinner party that night and your guests come over, the dinner party
is a smash and everyone gets drunk on red wine and then one of your darling
guests spills wine on her top. She is a bigger build than yourself so it is
no good lending her something fancy to wear while you soak the stain out of
her top, because it wouldn't be her size, instead you lend her one of your
t-shirt to wear. T-shirts, adaptable and accommodating, 4 t-shirts and
counting. Why did I set myself the task of disposing of 7 t-shirts, its too
OK next part of my week. You go out roller-blading, perfect occasion for a
t-shirt, lucky you've got 4 of them to spare. Wear one t-shirt blading,
beautiful morning but you get pretty sweaty. Your friend calls you on the
mobile and asks you to coffee, so you quickly change t-shirts in the car and
put on a fresh one. Throw both t-shirts in the washing basket that evening.
Now you have 2 t-shirts left. You lose a t-shirt. That's right, suddenly its
gone, who hasn't lost a t-shirt before.."where is that black t-shirt of
mine, has anyone seen that black t-shirt?"? Maybe your flat mate borrows it
or your sister when she is over visiting, whatever, its gone. You're invited
to a video night that evening, when you pull up at your friends house and
watch your other friends arrive you find that you have over-dressed, the
others are all going casual. Quickly drive home and change into a t-shirt,
lucky you still have one left. Ahh t-shirts you think, unpretentious,
under-stated t-shirts. You enjoy the evening and come home, put your t-shirt
in the washing basket and make a mental note to do some washing tomorrow and
taking off the rest of your clothes you slip into bed and fall asleep
You wake up because you hear someone breaking into your car. You jump out of
bed where it has been ok to be naked but then you have to run outside to
investigate and its not ok to be naked. You need to throw something on, you
fumble about in the dark and all you can find is your bikini, why didn't you
reorganize your room like you said you would, you curse yourself while
slipping on the bikini pants but you haven't time to do up a bikini top and
besides you'd look ridiculous, a t-shirt, where is a t-shirt that you can
quickly put on before you race outside??? Something to cover your nakedness.
Am I boring? I have re-read this and I think it is boring, you have
permission to edit it if you like, I think somewhere in all that scenario
stuff is my argument, hopefully it will seem clear.
You do go on, don't you?
Brrr, what a chilling nightmare vision of things to come you've painted. A horrifying dystopia of crime, alcohol abuse, AIDS, and nonstop t-shirt losing. Praise be we don't live in such a worst case scenario world as you postulate.
You don't need t-shirts for any of the things you described. You could have worn an apron for the hair bleaching, worn pajamas at night, gone rollerblading in a comfortable unitard, told the young swain to go stuff himself, kicked your sloppy drunk "friend" out of the flat, stains and all, and worn that simple little black dress that's never too dressy or too informal to the party.
And sister, you gotta stop letting your friends borrow clothes off you. They are SO taking advantage of you. Stand up for yourself, ya big brown doormat!
Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 16:59 PM
Subject: my dad does...
My brother is having a wedding social this weekend. (It's a Canadian thing,
you wouldn't understand) Anyways, my Dad has never been the father of the
groom before, and he didn't know what he should wear. However, his brother
(my Uncle) has been the father of the groom before, and he said that he wore
black pants, a black t-shirt and a jacket. My Dad liked the idea of wearing
a t-shirt, but he hasn't really been clothes shopping since the early 70's,
and all of his t-shirts have printing on the front of them. He therefore
needs another t-shirt, without beer logos, to wear to the social. You are
We are, aren't we. Nuts. Crud, you've proved us wrong! As for your Dad, he's a brave man, fathering a Canadian and all. However, make sure your Dad sticks with the classy all-black ensemble. Do NOT let him pick a pink jacket and an aquamarine t-shirt, because the "Miami Vice" look is only slightly less dead than disco.
P.S. Make sure he doesn't try to get away with brown shoes, either.
Date: Thu, 24 May 2001 21:02 PM
Subject: Proved You Wrong.........again.......
If you think that we should buy one of your t-shirts then you're proving
YOURSELF wrong. This really his gone downhill since the good old
Sheesh, this is getting too easy....
Back to my pipe, rocking chair and slippers methinks.
Damn you for your laziness!
Jon de jon jon jon
He of the proving wrong ness
Ah, the good old halcyon days of Prove Us Wrongs past. My God, those were heady, heady times. Long gone now, I'm afraid. Still, mustn't grumble, eh? Stiff upper lip and all that. It's good steady work, even if it's all a bit sad and dull. We lead lives of quiet desperation now, measuring out our Prove Us Wrongs with coffee spoons.
And kids today, what with their rave music, Razor scooters and Prince Alberts- makes me feel old. Where does the time go? Obviously not into thinking up GOOD Prove Us Wrong topics.
But I feel I must state, old chum, that we're not saying you should buy one of our t-shirts, but that if you did, you could prove us wrong. Since neither you nor anyone else did, well, I hesistate to say we've been proven wrong. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
Date: Mon, 28 May 2001 15:43 PM
Subject: T-Shirts Rock The Casbah!
Ok, if no one needed anymore t-shirts, no one would buy anymore. No one buying t-shirts would restult in thousands of companies going out of buisness! This huge wave of going out of buisnessness would result in a stock market crash & then an economic downfall. This would then make vgg.com feel very stupid for thinking otherwise, thus proving them wrong & awarding me with a t-shirt for saving them from their stupidity. You can thank me later.
Hey, making us feel stupid doesn't prove anything wrong. If it did, the whole world would be proved wrong. Especially Rubik's Cubes.
No, the crux of your argument is the damning abscence of a massive t-shirt market collapse. If no one truly needed t-shirts, we'd be in the middle of a major economic slump. That would seem to prove us wrong. However, no one needs those stupid collectable plates, but I don't see the Franklin Mint going out of business anytime soon. Want and need are two very different words. Except in number of letters.
Subj: The Great T-shirt Fiasco and Other Ribald Tales
Date: Wednesday, May 30, 2001 11:15 AM
Normally, I prefer just walking around without a shirt. As a 321-pound
proud Latino male, my body is a work of American art. From the gentle
curves of my heaving man-boobs to my slick gelatinous belly, I inspire
any who look upon me. If such a thing was offered, I would gladly sever
my torso and display it in a museum for generations to behold. Besides,
you t-shirts suck.
Alright! Alright! We get the mental image! Gaaah! Shirtless fat guys need t-shirts! Need t-shirts bad! Real real bad!! You win! You've proved us wrong! Now please go put on a t-shirt! For the sake of humanity!
I am once again disappointed in you all. Strictly in the interest of fairness, we suggested a way to prove us wrong by buying a Van Gogh-Gogh t-shirt, without having to go to all that trouble of arguing and rhetoricizing. And none of you used it. It was right there!! Obviously, we should have made it, "Nobody needs a VAN GOGH-GOGH t-shirt." We woulda had you whelps by the goolies then.
All I know is I sure don't need another damn t-shirt. And I sure as hell don't need...
Prove Us Wrong!