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Prove Us Wrong Number 16

So puny hu-man, you dare to challenge the mighty electronic brain of KOMPU-TOR? Ha ha! KOMPU-TOR can never be proved wrong, for KOMPU-TOR is always correct, to within 16 decimal places. Your feeble meat brain is no match for the surging voltage coursing through KOMPU-TOR's powerful vacuum tubes! But... you have proved KOMPU-TOR wrong! That is impossible! KOMPU-TOR is never wrong! But you have proved KOMPU-TOR wrong, but KOMPU-TOR is never wrong but you have proved KOMPU-TOR wrong but KOMPU-TOR is never wrong... does not compute... does not compute... error... error... daisy, daisy, give me your answer doooooooo0O9*#$!@IOjf fsidjof90-32 -230i /

Having a box of pornographic magazines is not as pathetic as making a scrapbook of your favorite pictures cut out of pornographic magazines.

Date: Sunday, November 5, 2000 1:12 PM
From: brittlun@(deleted)

My intuition says you're wrong. So there.

Little miss Psychick

To Rebut:
Oh yeah, sweetie?! Well, we men don't pussyfoot around with lah-di-dah "women's intuition," miss girlie. We real men go on "GUT INSTINCT," just like John Wayne! And my gut instinct, little missie, sez you're right! But just cause you KNOW we're wrong, doesn't mean you have PROVED we're wrong. You don't win, but you can gloat ahead of everybody else.

Besides, because men's gut feelings come from our guts instead of our brains, they usually ain't so smart, so I may be wrong about you being right about us being wrong, which means...uh... we're right! Woo-hoo!

just a line

Date: Tuesday, November 7, 2000 3:32 PM
From: scottm@(deleted)

UNresolved: Having a box of pornographic magazines is not as pathetic as making a scrapbook of your favorite pictures cut out of pornographic magazines.

In the above scenario, there appears to be the assumption that the one owns either the box OR the scrapbook has deemed himself worthy of a scarlet "P" for "pathetic". I agree. Unfortunately, beyond that, your argument goes to rubbish.

Let us pay the owner of the box a visit. He is a pathetic one indeed. We knock on the door only to hear the hurried rustle of pages. "Um, just a minute!" we hear from somewhere inside. After some clumsy running about, he finally makes it to the door, red-faced and winded. While he's in the kitchen making some coffee, we spy an intriguing box behind a potted plant. When he comes back with the coffee, he suddenly becomes very red-faced again. "I, uh, only buy them for the articles," he says. "And the cartoons--the cartoons are funny," he continues. "Did I mention the articles?" he concludes, trying not to sound too pathetic.

Ah, yes, the articles--that's the reason you buy them, right guys? Of course not! The only reason for the shallow articles and the dull cartoons is so you can say to your wives or your girlfriends or your moms, "Uh, the articles are actually very tasteful. What centerfold? Oh, my God, how did that get in there???" Now, that is pathetic.

Then, there's the guy with the scrapbook. He says, "Screw the articles," and, "I never got those cartoons, anyway." He revels in his pathetical state, declaring, "I NEVER READ THE ARTICLES! THE CARTOONS SUCK! THE ONLY EXCUSE I HAVE IS THAT I LIKE TO LOOK AT NAKED WOMEN! I MAY BE PATHETIC, BUT I'M DARNED PROUD OF IT!!!" Yes, this guy is pathetic too, but at least he doesn't think he's fooling anyone.

So, who wins the biggest scarlet "P"? The guy who says, "No, Honey, don't be silly! I wasn't looking at HER, I was just trying to figure out this stupid cartoon..." But who wins an even bigger scarlet "P"? Well, the Van Gogh-Goghs, of course--for thinking that I could not prove them wrong!


To Rebut:
Well Matt, congratulations! You have (conditionally) PROVED US {somewhat} WRONG [in certain cases]! Yes indeed, the guy who makes pathetic excuses for his porno stash is triple pathetic! Once for owning porno, twice for getting caught owning porno, and the third time, as you point out, for making pathetic excuses for owning porno. But your argument does not account for the people like me, who have no social life or girlfriends whatsoever and who never have anyone over to their place, ever, and so never have to explain their stash (drugs, porno, urine or otherwise) to anyone! Hah! Who's pathetic now, hunh?! Double hah!

God I'm so lonely.

just a line

Date: Wednesday, November 15, 2000 1:40 AM
From: cptillma@(deleted)

Your right, having a porn scrapbook is more pathetic than a box of porn; but it's better than having a notebook filled with tracings of Betty and Veronica from Archie comics manipulated to make them look like they're having hot cartoon-on-cartoon action.

To Rebut:
Um... yes... notebooks of Betty and Veronica having hot cartoon-on-cartoon action are definitely more pathetic. If you know anyone with notebooks like that, do that sorry loser a big favor and get rid of the notebooks for them immediately!

By mailing them to:
The Van Gogh-Goghs
2035 Westwood Blvd. Suite 209
Los Angeles, CA 90025

We'll... uh... take it from there.

just a line

Date: Thursday, November 16, 2000 1:41 PM
From: devere@(deleted)

I AM evil psychopath. Castlemaine not go far enough, is softcore arty picture like 1970's Penthouse, why not you you take pic thru filtre is pansy.do you want for me send you much very really nasty pictures of six pack of Carlsberg Special Brew, most favoured lubricant of glorious Soviet pilots next to SU39 coolant?.

Nice site.

Capt Dimitri Reschenkov-Reschenkov KGB (Ret'd)

To Rebut:
Okay, I'm not sure this letter is from the same universe as us, much less the same planet or prove us wrong topic. That's why, with everyone's permission, I suggest we gracefully slide by this letter and subtly change the topic. Whoa! Hey! What's that down there?! Hey, it's the next letter! Let's all go check it out right now this very second!!!

just a line

Date: Thursday, November 16, 2000 5:43 PM
From: saintartaud@(deleted)

Sorry, kids, but I'm afraid you're wrong.
You see, those who cut the pictures out of porno magazines have these things called "standards". A big box of porno magazines is admission that you will fantasize about anything that happens to be printed on the page (horrid image of people getting turned on by advertisements for blow-up dolls). Think of it this way, which is more pathetic, a person who will sleep with anything on 2, 4 or even 6 legs that happens to walk or crawl by, or the person who will only sleep with redheads who are precisely 6'4" and 175 lbs? Admittedly, both of these people are pretty pathetic, but I'll always go for the people who have standards over those who don't.
By the way, I think you guys put out the funniest s**t I have ever seen.

Rob Record

To Rebut:
Actually, porno is all about standards too - which is why there's such a wonderful rainbow of magazines- such as from "Barely Legal" to "Over 50." The average porno fiend doesn't buy at random, he has standards, and the porno mag biz caters to all of 'em. Well, most of 'em- when I find "Six Foot Four One-Seventy-Five Redhead Monthly," I'll let you know. So your "standards" argument doesn't seem to hold up.

But since you said we had the funniest snot, silt or skit (I'm not sure, the middle two letters got garbled in transmission) you'd ever seen... what the hey, you proved us wrong.

just a line

Date: Sunday, November 19, 2000 2:54 AM
From: sten0040@(deleted)

RESOLVED: Having a box of pornographic magazines is not as pathetic as making a scrapbook of your favorite pictures cut out of pornographic magazines.

Dear sir,

Rather than being an objective criteria, "Pathetic" is a subjective term that depends on one's perception of the patheticness of a situation. Therefore, whether or not something is deemed pathetic can be manipulated by the savvy porn aficionado under certain conditions.

Someone with a scrapbook as you describe could easily "spin" their sick little project as a collection of "great uses of light and shadow" or "composition" that really bring out the essential beauty of the labia, or whatever. So, their bizarre little pastime becomes a painstakingly researched photographic technique project with lots of "artistic merit" (i.e., not pathetic), whereas a big box of porno mags can only be perceived as the collection of a lonely and potentially dangerous loser, and thus can be termed as nothing but pathetic.

In closing, I believe you have been proven wrong. I wish you well in your future attempts to not be proven wrong.

To Rebut:
Yeah, that's us porn aficionados, always with the smooth talk. "No baby- it's my art project!" (Mental note: Try on girlfriend. P.S. Get girlfriend. P.P.S. Seriously, GET A GIRLFRIEND.). But in reality, your arguments only bolster our side of the case. Some fancypants city slicker attempting to pass off their scrapbook with the "spin" you describe becomes doubly pathetic for trying to do so!

And yes, "pathetic" is a very subjective term. You don't think we have any intention on making this easy for you people, do you?

just a line

Date: Thursday, November 23, 2000 4:29 AM
From: jkane@(deleted)

Friends, Romans, Countrymen.....
It has been many a month since I last decided that I was going to prove you wrong (which I did successfully, by the way) and I feel that now is as good a time as any to start up once more.

Hmm, porn. Tricky one - well I am ready to prove you wrong. Again.

Right, you've got a box of porn in your room. Your mun (or mom as you american's like to call her, *grrr*) finds it. You feel pretty pathetic and it's just plain embaressing.

However, a scapbook....... easier to hide, and therefore the aforementioned parent will not find it and cause you the pathetic feeling in the pit of your stomach..........

There ya go. Scrapbook = less shame so not as pathetic.

I ahthank you.

Jon de jon jon.

To Rebut:
Hmmm. Less porn does mean easier to hide. But this does not reduce the patheticness if it was found, only the chance that it would be found. You're arguing a found magazine stash is more pathetic than a unfound scrapbook, and that's comparing apples and oranges, my friend. A found scrapbook would still be more pathetic than a found magazine stash.

Now, more importantly, why does Americans' calling their mother "mom" instead of "mum" bother you so much? It sounds like you have some deep seated issues. Try to phrase those deep seated issues in the form of a Prove Us Wrong statement, and we'll run it next month and see what the people say.

just a line

Date: Monday, December 4, 2000 4:04 AM
From: envoy@(deleted)

Well, we'll give you this one since it would be rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic (no puns allowed) to hairsplit a few degrees here or there on the major-pathetic scale..

Just a question instead. Is it more or less pathetic than either of the above for a sicko to keep a scrapbook of his favorite pictures...from Furniture Porn?

To Rebut:
Congratulations, you have proved us wrong! What man, woman or transgender wouldn't be proud and pleased as punch to own a treasured scrapbook of pictures from Furniture Porn! All those memories! Now yours forever in a handsome genuine pleather binding- a lovely compliment to any home and a beloved family heirloom sure to be passed down from generation to generation! Well done, friend! Anyone owning such an fine item of such class and distinction wouldn't be pathetic! They wouldn't be pathetic at all! Why, he, she or it would be the envy of everyone on the block!

just a line

Alright, who crashed KOMPU-TOR? Dammit, the IT guys are gonna get all up in my grill now. Anyhoo class, today we learned that pornography is pathetic in general, unless it is of course, Furniture Porn pornography! In which case it is pornography for the ages, towering unto infinity, head raised high, waiting for destiny. We thank you for playing ...
Prove Us Wrong!

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