Prove Us Wrong Number 11
Well dudes and dudettes, the rockin' Van Gogh-Goghs were totally BLOWN AWAY on this one by all you awesome rockers out there. In the mosh pit of truth, sometimes it's difficult to walk the righteous path, especially what with all the pushing and shoving and such like. So, big, big thanx to all you out there for doing some serious straight-setting on our ass! Rock on!
RESOLVED: No hidden CD bonus track is worth waiting for.
Date: Wednesday, June 7, 2000 8:03 PM
What are we supposed to prove you wrong? The fact that you don't know how to
spell on your funny-ass web-sites?
Um, no. If you had bothered to look over the assigned reading like you were supposed to, you would know that the topic is CD bonus tracks. It's only a sentence, for crying out loud! How long does it take to read?! You probably didn't even bring a number two pencil to class either, did you? Well, as my old science teacher told us, if you didn't bring a writing utensil, you can just bite off the tip of your finger and write with the bloody stump. So, if you're through wasting the class' time... NEXT!
Date: Thursday, June 8, 2000 4:54 PM
Well, you might say that no secret track is worth listening to, but that
would be wrong. That's right, you are wrong. See, the point of a secret
track isn't in its goodness, but that fact that it is a SECRET track. It's
like in those movies in the old castles with the secret passage. You can go
from one room to the other without anyone knowing. Useful if there is a
porn-star slumber-party in the next room. Sure, it would probably be faster
and easier to walk to the door, knock, and ask if you could watch them
undress. But that would ruin it. Secret passage. You're thinking: Oh boy,
naked chicks! And they don't know I'm watching!!!
Plus, you can feel real smart by telling your friends and pointing out how
stupid they are for missing such a thing. There. You're wrong. Sure, you can
say that you're not wrong, but that would make you even more wrong. Either
way, I win. Try harder next time guys.
The guy who is far wittier than the VGGs and proved them wrong,
I'll say it once more. YOU ARE WRONG!!!
Okay hotshot, so your argument here is that them damn hidden bonus tracks ARE worth waiting for, because they're secret. All I can say is, "wow." As in, "Wow, that's lame." If you're getting your rocks off thinking that your fave band and you are in some kind of special super secret cooly cool spy club just because you forgot to take the CD out after the music stopped and then, 5 to 10 minutes later, another song came on, well, that's just sad. And if you have friends so even more dumb than you so that they didn't discover the bonus track, well, that's just sad too. And then, when you compare the aforementioned CD bonus track discovery with a movie scene where there's secret passage in an old castle where you can peep on a porn star slumber party, well, I have to ask, what is the title of this movie and where can I rent it?.
Oh, and it's also sad, too. Dude, those tracks are hardly secret- everyone who buys the CD knows eventually. Man, you probably buy Cracker Jacks for the "secret" toy prize inside. Better luck next time, sad person.
Subject: Removal of name from website
Date: July 27, 2006 6:49:55 PM PDT
Years ago I posted to a "prove us wrong" challenge, specifically the " no hidden CD track is worth it" post. While it was not a problem at the time (4+ years ago), I find my remarks embarrassing, and repectfully ask that you remove my name (Drew Gelder) and emal from the website. I am currently job searching, and am not looking forward to this page popping up in searches by potential employers. If it is not too inconveinient, could you please send me an email once this request has been completed?
Thank you very much for your time,
Wait, wait-- what's happened in the past four years that makes you want to recant your opinions on CD bonus tracks? Did your testicles ascend? What kind of job are you looking for, anyway? Is this down to you and one other guy, you're neck and neck, and you know that he and your potential new boss share the same, passionate opinions about CD bonus tracks? Shit, brother, just tell us what you want here, and we'll put it in. No need to be such a pussy, take advantage of this! We can put some shit in here about how you're planning and training for whatever job you're interviewing for so the potential employers can think you've been fucking training your ass off, martial-arts style, for that mid-level HR job for four fucking years! How could they NOT hire you?
Date: Thursday, June 15, 2000 8:56 AM
No hidden CD bonus track is worth waiting for. I must disagree.
Not that I've yet heard a CD bonus track who's contents were worth
waiting for, though. It is so overwhelmingly true that no bonus
track's contents are worth waiting for, you could make a rule of
it. But, as you should realize, for every rule, there is an
exception. So somewhere out there, there must be one bonus track
worth hearing. Now, you'd be a complete idiot if you owned that
CD, but didn't listen to it all the way through, so you never
discovered the first good bonus track in history. Therefore,
even though the contents of the bonus track itself probably
aren't worth waiting for, it is time well spent to be secure in
the knowledge that you do not own the only good bonus track ever
created. This is, of course, all nullified, if you own a CD
player with a scan forward. If this is the case, then just hit
damn button and listen to the lame track, already!
(BTW: You guys are great -- furniture porn rocks!)
Geez, you started off agreeing with us and you complimented us at the end but it all went to hell in the middle. Wha hoppened?
Okay, for every rule there is an exception, hunh? Okay, then that rule itself must have an exception, meaning that there is a rule with NO exceptions. And it just so happens that our "No hidden CD bonus track is worth waiting for" rule is the exception to that rule. Since our rule then has no exceptions, we are right and you are wrong. Since no bonus track is worth waiting for, wading through them all looking for one non-sucky one would be pointless and stupid, period, finis, end of discussion!
But you're welcome to try. Try not to blister your fast forwarding finger!
Date: Monday, June 19, 2000 9:02 AM
Let's try this:
Premise 1: In order to discover the worth of a hidden bonus track, one
would have to listen to it.
Premise 2: Proving the Van Gogh-Goghs wrong is a worthwhile enterprise.
Ergo, while no CD bonus track may be worth waiting for on its own merit,
the fact that doing so may allow one to prove you wrong gives it worth.
CD bonus tracks are worth waiting for because you said they're not.
Oh yeah?! Well, I hardly think that... um... you...
Hey! Congratulations! You have proved us wrong! Plus, bonus points for using a smart guy word like "ergo." Go in peace, my son.
(Lousy rotten stinkin' frinkin' frackin' razzin' frazzin'...)
Date: Monday, June 19, 2000 3:53 PM
Hello Oh Pig-Faced Fools,
You have obviously forgotten about the hidden track at the end of
Tools ep, Opiate. I find the song emotionally stirring, chalked full of
memories and wonderful imagery. If you have no idea of which song i speak,
you should check it out-it's not worth missing.
Oh yeah, right. We obviously forgot all about God's favorite band, Tool. Ya know, if the song is so freaking great, then WHY DID THEY HIDE IT AT THE END OF THE CD? "Hey guys, this is our best song ever, let's hide it ten minutes after an entire ep of CRAP IS OVER. THAT'S FREAKING BRILLANT!! IT'S SURE TO BE A HIT THEN!" Honestly.
And, sorry to break the news, but no Tool song is worth waiting for, bonus tracks included.
P.S. It's "chock" full of something, not "chalked."
Date: Tuesday, June 20, 2000 6:13 PM
Resolved: No hidden CD bonus track is worth waiting for.
Why would one have to wait? Just hold down the >> key and wait for some sort of sound to emit from the speakers. The wait for that is less than one minute. Big deal.
Um, yeessss well. Yer missing the point here, netizen dear. The point is not the waiting, well it is kinda, but not like you mean. Even if you hit the fast forward button, you're still waiting, even if a lot less, and we're saying even the shortened wait isn't worth it. Capiche? Them fancy pants rock stars ain't doing us no favors by putting a song after ten minutes of silence. They're just milking a gimmick that's not even that good to start with. Just because a CD can hold 74 minutes of audio doesn't mean you have to fill it all. And filling it with silence is just bull...ah, to hell with it. NEXT!
Date: Wednesday, June 21, 2000 5:35 PM
Since you state an absolute, "No hidden CD bonus track is worth waiting
for", to prove you wrong would only require one hidden CD track worth
There is such a track the end of a Ben Folds Five CD (I don't remember
which one...) uh..."What ever and ever Amen"? any way...you have the
obigatory silence, then a short spoken message, "...I got your hidden
track right heahh....Ben Folds is a f--ckin' a--hole!"
That's what you get. Not some supposedly clever attempt to let you in on
their creative process, or show you how freakin' prolific they are. Just
a good ol' jab at the namesake of the band.
If that one won't do, try The Derailers' (Buck Owens-ish band from
Austin TX, Dave Alvin produced) version of Prince's "Raspberry Beret"
tacked on to the end of their album "Reverb Deluxe"
Now is where I'm supposed to chastise you for being so darned wrong.
Sure, most hidden tracks produce quite a vaccuum. Subjective as the
subject is, 50,000,000 Elvis fans can't be wrong.
Well, well, well, mister- 50,000,000 Hitler fans turned out to be wrong, as I recall. And 50,000,000 Stalin fans. And the 50,000,000 fans of pea soup vomit green appliances in the 1970s (they called it "avocado") all turned out to be wrong. Who knew?
And... you proved us wrong. That Ben Folds thing sounds pretty funny. Hell, I'd wait for that.
Date: Saturday, June 24, 2000 7:34 PM
Okay...the hidden track on Green Day's Dookie...not too long of a wait and
the song's pretty funny! : )
Nah. Sucks. Not worth waiting for.
Date: Sunday, June 25, 2000 1:47 PM
No CD bonus track is worth waiting for? Maybe not, but the five to twenty minutes of blisful silence before the Holy Grail-like last song emanates from your speakers is few minutes of silence and peace we rarely get in the modern fast-paced society. The bonus track is a way musicians give a bit of respite from the cacophony of our world.
Oh, man, come on! In that case, the musicians of the world could give us all a HUGE respite from the "cacophony of our world" by releasing CDs of nothing BUT silence. Or never releasing anything. Or by all jumping off cliffs, which would be my preferred scenario.
Actually, sorry to come down so hard on you. How thoughtless and cruel of me. The modern, fast paced society we live in is overwhelming, isn't it? But I think I can help you out. I have some 90 minute tapes of the respite from cacophony you seek. I'll sell them to you for just $19.95 apiece. Um, Maxell is the ... name of the band. And "blank" is the album title. Just mail me a check and I'll send 'em right out.
Date: Wednesday, June 28, 2000 6:26 PM
To the dream catchers at Vgg.com:
Just who do you think you guys are? This band/singer-type person spent
just a little bit more of his/her/their time to provide you with another
morsel of euphony, and you deem it not worthy to listen to it? White Men
These bonus tracks titillate the side of our nature that loves to get
stuff for no reason. Is the few minutes of silence you must wait to arrive
to this little package of sounds really that unendurable? Is your time
really that important? A respite is sometimes needed, and these moments
until the bonus track fit the bill nicely.
PS The Overseer of Evolution will frown at you when the three days of
darkness that the Hopi Indians prophesied come to pass.
PPS T. Mike is the cow for the jade in the moon's eye
PPPS Is this the right format for a third post script? Can there be a third
postscript? If not, why not? If so, who would use it?
Who do we think we are? Who do we think we are?! We're the f*cking VAN GOGH-GOGHS, G*d d*mmit and don't you ever f*cking forget it, chum! I got more asterisks where those came from and I ain't afraid to use them!
Now look, we didn't say the damn hidden tracks weren't worth listening to, we said they weren't worth waiting for. BIG difference. Okay, okay, small difference. But, you're not getting it. Them rock stars just tack on some garbage that never would have made the cut if CDs didn't have all that extra room on 'em! It's not that they make you wait, it's that they make you wait for garbage! Garbage! Garbage! GARBAGE! Now, where was I? Oh yes. GARBAGE! GARBAGE! GARBAGE!
And once again, if you fools need a respite from music, THROW YOUR STEREO IN THE DUMPSTER.
Or mail it to me.
P.S. We'll worry about that when it happens.
P.P.S. Finally! We agree on something!
P.P.P.S. Yes, that is the correct format for a post-post-postscript. Yes, obviously there can be a third postscript, you just used it. The people who use a third postscript would be people who forgot to include something in the body of the letter, the postscript or the post-postscript.
P.P.P.P.S. Try to to stay more on topic next time.
Okay! We got proved wrong on this one by that mister smart talking guy and his high faluting "logic" and book learned "reason." Yeah, we'll see how far that crap gets you in real life, pal. Oh, and we got proved wrong by the Ben Folds thing, unless he just made that up to sucker us, in which case we're still wrong because of the first guy, but we look like a big bunch of chumps on top of it. Boy, I sure hope that's not the case. Cause that would kill all our fun in playing ...
Prove Us Wrong!