A Van Gogh-Gogh
We have been to Canada! And we have acquired our first international doctor soda, Dr. Buzz! Yes, with just two measly countries under our belt, we can now claim that our doctor soda collection is "international!" Pathetic, isn't it? But it sounds better than "a collection spanning the northernmost two thirds of the continent of North America."
What an international soda looks like.
It all started during our trip to the Seattle SketchFest 2000. We had already gone as far north as Seattle, why stop there? And besides, Seattle in December was just not cold, wet, rainy and miserable enough for us, so we had to go to Vancouver. There, on December 1st, we experienced real, raw Canadian weather, and not the wussy simp weather we Americans get in the lower forty-eight.
In reality, we all had our own individual reasons for wanting to go to Canada. Jason went there looking for a Lada dealership, an obscure car of Russian origin. Jason is a sucker for obscure cars of foreign origin. If you have a lemon you want to sell, pry off the Ford Fiesta logo or whatever, and stick on a new one that says "¡Zmæd! ßkövô Îtñør Hatchback" or something else weird and Jason will buy it, or at least talk about it for hours with no one in particular . However, it turned out that there was no Lada dealership in Vancouver and Jason had been lied to about the matter by our fellow member Rob, a known liar. Jason did at least get to see a Lada up close when it clipped him after he ran up to one at a traffic light and pounded on the window demanding to know where they had bought it. But as it pulled away, leaving Jason tumbling into a surprisingly deep puddle of icy water and garbage, I think... a little part of Jason died inside. That's the only possible explanation I can find for the stink he created in the van on the drive back.
Galen wanted to go to Canada just so he could say he set foot in Canada. So after we parked our van, Galen got out and set his feet on the hard black soil with white lines (oh wait, that's asphalt) of Canada. Having accomplished his goal, Galen got back in the van and demanded we leave immediately. When we refused, he said he'd be damned if he'd set foot in Canada twice and slept in the van until we got back to our hotel in Seattle.
And as for me, I was in it for the doctor sodas, baby! I thought surely a country as big and expansive and dependent on American culture as Canada was sure to have plenty of grocery store chains, each one a-dripping with undiscovered doctor sodas. I would conquer this land, and pluck my well-earned prize from her soft, yielding bosom.
The Van Gogh-Goghs in Van Couver-Couver
Once in Vancouver, we somehow ended up in the gayest part of town. I mean, rainbow banners on the lampposts and everything. We didn't plan it that way, but this is just one of those weird things that tends to happen to us Van Gogh-Goghs when we strike out for adventure. As another example, due to a translation error, our lunch in Canada was Portuguese. I told Al not to trade our Van Gogh-Gogh cow for that Canadian-English dictionary. Dammit, I could have traded that cow for whole handful of magic beans. A whole HANDFUL, mind you! But it's water under the bridge my friends, water under the bridge.
Surprisingly, the city of Vancouver yielded no doctor sodas whatsoever from her cold and stony bosom. Lousy city. It was a lone grocery store in the middle of a field near the border, Save On Foods and Drugs #903, that provided us with the precious, precious Dr. Buzz. Yes, we only found the one, Dr. Buzz, in Canada. I guess that's not bad for one afternoon's worth of looking in one city. Later I discovered the "Canada: Land of a Thousand Doctor Sodas" pamphlet I found in the hotel lobby had been faked and planted there by that liar Rob. Lousy Rob.
Two For One In Bellingham
Fortunately, on the way back to Seattle we stopped in Bellingham to check out a Fred Meyer grocery store, whose signs had been taunting me for miles on the drive up. There, we discovered: A, It was indeed a grocery store, not a furniture store (we were thinking of Helig-Meyers), and B, They carried a doctor soda, Dr. Wild, part of the Private Selection brand. Even better, there was a Cost Cutter grocery store right across from the Fred Meyers. They had Dr. West AND Mr. Pibb! I stocked up. The soda gods had been merciful. We did not stop again until Seattle. One does not push one's luck with the soda gods.
As a postscript, on our return journey to Los Angeles some days later, we stopped at an S-Mart Foods in Stockton, California, and I picked up some Real Dr., the soda that has its own website: www.sunnyselectsoda.com! The web address is now on every can. One day, you'll be able to pick up a can of delicious, thirst quenching Dr. Van Gogh-Gogh, and you know what? Our web address will be on every can too.
By The Way...
As always, please email us if you have doctor soda news or would just like to comment on our sad, sad hobby.