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by Jason Torchinsky
Ever met a Swiss person? I have. A few of them. I liked them. Every one I've ever met has been friendly, well-spoken, and interesting. But that doesn't mean ALL of them are.

I'm sure there's some Swiss people out there who just make you want to punch a wall. Absolute worthless bastards, free of any sort of redeeming value whatsoever. Jerks. Jackasses. Dipshits.

Now, let's say you encounter some Swiss fucko of the type described above and you really want to yell something good at him. Something that'll really piss him off, like a good national slur. You open your mouth to yell, and at that moment, it dawns on you: there are no good slurs for Swiss people!

So, instead of leaving you there, standing open mouthed, letting dragonflies and hummingbirds roost in your gaping, drying maw, I have taken it upon myself to provide you with what you need: 15 really derogatory terms for the Swiss. You can thank me later.

Chocolate-chomping Matterhorn Monkey
Neutral Ninny
Alps Apes
Watchmaking probable goat humper
Cocoa-chugging chalet slut
Toblerone butt
Swatch-wearing eurodork
Big-butted banking bitch/bastard
Ski lodge lizard
Landlocked lederhosened loser
Kraut wanna-be
Cheese perforator
Tiny white plastic toothpick-using spaz
Swiss Fucker

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