What I Likes About L.A.
Okay, I've been awful whiny, so now let me list the many things
I like about this wonderful, celebrity-studded shithole, in the
interest of fair play and me not sounding like a big crybaby so
much. Umm...uhh...well, aside from that Randy Newman song...lessee...well,
this sounds stupid, but here all the sidewalks have the name of
the company and the year it was poured stenciled into the concrete
somewhere. I just think it's neat. And a lot of the sidewalks
are really old. Jason's curbs were made back in the 40's! I don't
know why I like my sidewalks dated, but I do.
I likes KLAC 570 AM and KGIL 1260 AM, my two favorite radio stations.
Why do I love them so? And AM stations, T. Mike, honestly! Why
must you sully your ears with a station from the filthy AM ghetto
when we have perfectly good critically acclaimed L.A. FM stations
like KROQ? Rock on, dude!
Ah shaddap!! I love KLAC 'cause it helped soothe my agitated soul
my first stress-inducing weeks here. What do they play? Best as
I can describe it, it's music for squares. Ballads from the 40's
and 50's, hard core old school Vegas crooners, the kind of stuff
that gets lumped under "vocalists" in the CD store. Braving the L.A. freeways for the first time, it was some much needed sonic
oil on troubled waters. Ska-pop, pseudo-grunge and posthumous
hip-hop are not what I want when I have half a mile to get over
8 lanes to my exit. I need some Johnny Mathis, Doris Day, Benny
Goodman or Patty Page (ask your Mom). And KLAC is there for me,
being delightfully unfashionable: no lounge-cocktail-exotica crap,
no oh-so-hip Rat Packery, no hep 40's swing revivalism and no
authentic country blues songs about picking cotton for 29 hours
a day sung by white suburban law school dropouts.
Now, why do I love the other one, KGIL? Is it because it 's the
all-show tunes, all the time station? Yes. Is it because before
that, it was the all Beatles station? Yes! Is it because one of
the afternoon DJ's is respected voice over man extraordinaire
Gary Owens? (Laugh-In? The voice of Powdered Toastman? Hello?)
OK, maybe not because of him so much. But is it my favorite radio
station because one of the morning drive time hosts is none other
than Florence Henderson? Yes! Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!
THE Florence Henderson! I tell ya, between her cooking show on
The Nashville Network, her appearances in the Brady Bunch movies
and this radio thing, she is a regular renaissance woman. How
does she do it? Wessonality!
Under Priced L.A. Guide