About Us
Contact Us

--- Search
|-  -|
Animal Life

Okay, I'm a big liar. Before, I stated all L.A. dogs were small, poofy and probably obnoxious. Having spent some time here I have now seen plenty of big dogs, from midrange up to sport utility dog size. The city's parks are almost completely given over to these dogs, and the city's grass to their turds. I guess I only saw the dogs I expected to see: the quivering chihuahuas, the froofroo poodles, and the occasional terrier with a sweater. But I am still baffled as to where these animals are kept. They can't all be crammed into tiny apartments like mine during the day, can they? If I was an animal, the ASPCA would be all over my owner for imprisoning me in that dank, ill-lit dungeon.

No standing puddles of water (not counting the L.A. "river," a concrete ditch smaller than the freeways) means no mosquitoes.What I find prevalent are lazy fly-like creatures orbiting each other in the shade patch of apartment building entranceways. But at night come the cockroaches! Large, shiny bastards that hang around in gangs at the streetcorner harassing passersby till the Orkin men get called to break it up. But other than them and ants, that's it! And since there's no bees? The Beverly Hills folks hire illegal immigrants to go around their estates with a q-tip and pollinate their flowers for them. The rest of us have to do it ourselves. Teed-ee-us!

Almost none, and therefore all the sadder when you do see one. A child here might grow up believing small animal corpses generate spontaneously from asphalt when the moon is just so in the sky. There's so little free-roaming animal life, you'd root for a rat to make it across the street. It took me two weeks before I spotted a squirrel here. Back in North Carolina it would take, what? Twenty minutes tops, and you wouldn't even have to go outside.

Pigeons (aka Sky Rats):
Aw, who cares?

back to T. Mike's Essential L.A. Guide

© copyright 1997 The Van Gogh-Goghs