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What is sexy? Six white dorks who do sketch comedy. Mmmm yeah. And now, as a service to the Web, we want to share some of our most effective, mostly non-gender-specific pickup lines. Next time you're at a social gathering, whip one of these out and just watch the hot and cold running chicks and/or dudes start flowing.
  1. Do you ever think about why kids call urinating pee pee? I think about it a lot. Almost every day.
  2. Let me show you where I'm wettest.
  3. I'm so lonely I'd fuck anything. Buy you a drink?
  4. Check it out baby: No restraining orders!
  5. Hey, what's your sign? No, your Chinese zodiac sign. How old are you, stupid? You legal?
  6. If you get in the van I'll give you an ice cream sandwich.
  7. Know what I like best about you baby? You haven't maced me yet.
  8. You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses, would you?
  9. Oooh, you're lookin' fine. Not in the good way, in the "you'll do" way.
  10. Hey baby, I sell clown cars.
  11. Hi. I collect twist ties.
  12. Hi. I hope to someday collect twist ties.
  13. I'm either going home with you or behind you, take your pick.
  14. Hey, can I try on your dentures?
  15. I think, of all the Dakotas, my favorite is South...next to you. Your name is Dakota, right? Oh really? OK, then I'd have to say South, followed by North.
  16. I really want to know more about you... starting with why you have that stupid look on your face.
  17. Dear God, I'm so itchy. Buy you a cocktail weenie?
  18. So your friend's really hot, but you'll do.
  19. If we're quiet, my roommate'll never know we're bumping uglies.
  20. Hey dollface, I got a rash that kinda looks like you.
  21. Here, hold my pants.
  22. Hey baby, wanna sleep with your father?
  23. I'm wearing your underwear.
  24. Mom and dad's outta town and the house is mine. Eh? Eh?
  25. Mmmmm! Titties!
  26. Hey baby, I got my own room. Or I would, except for my brother.
  27. I'll bet you a night of dinner and a movie that my finger smells worse than yours.
  28. Here's your fucking flower, marry me bitch.... Well, how about your friend?
  29. Who wants to sleep with Ernest Borgnine? (Note: To use this, you must be Ernest Borgnine, or maybe the guy who played Max on "Hart to Hart.")
  30. Someone call heaven, 'cause I think something died in here.
  31. The other day, I was so bored, I put a shot glass up my ass. Can I buy you a drink?
  32. Hi, I'm a Van Gogh-Gogh.
You can thank us later.

© copyright 2000 The Van Gogh-Goghs