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by Jason Torchinsky
How many times has this happened to you: You're at a party, and your well-honed hottie sensors have targeted a sufficently attractive member of your preferred gender to place your moves upon. You sidle into position, cleverly trapping your prey between your arm and a convienent wall or precipitous fall, starting the line of patter that is calculated to end in an invitation for some prolonged, sweaty groping.

Halfway into your love-missive, you announce that you must extract a few bothersome and sharp boogers from your nostrils. You then proceed to root about in your nostrils, ejecting each mucousy offender with a flick of your finger. The next thing you know, you wake up on the floor with a bright red handprint on your face.

What happened? what went wrong? Well, my friends, I know the problem and it's solution. The problem is you sounded like a real square. Why? The word "nostrils." Not too cool, friend. The word 'nostrils' makes ANYone seem like a real jackass. But now, once again, here comes a VGG to light a scented candle rather than curse your darkness. It is my humble pleasure to provide to you, in essence, the tools you most need to get laid: 25 cooler terms for the word 'nostrils'. Use them well.
Nose Holes
Mucus Chutes
Snot Pots
The Gals from Hole
The Ol‘Factory Outlets
Smeller Fellers
Nez Pierces
Air I/O Ports
The Proper Channels
Wind Tunnels
Nose-Flute Jacks
Gateways to the Sinuses
Booger Barrels
Respiration Perforations
Nose Anuses
Air Pair
Moustache Blow Dryers
Moustache Vacuums
Lung Chimneys
Laughter-Activated Emergency Milk-Ejection Shunts
Finger Warmers

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