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An Incomprehensible Mess of Hyperlinks
-or-
Dannii Minogue = greatness
by Alan Benson
On January 9, 1996, I made a life-changing decision. I decided to become a huge Dannii Minogue fan. I decided to throw away my suspicion of fan clubs, my hatred
of over-hyped British musicians, my musical taste and and my inherent distrust of people named
"Dannii" to become a cheerleader for what is apparently the 20th
Century's most overlooked talent.
It all started a couple of weeks before, when T. Mike, Charles and I were feeling our oats and decided to tackle a heretofore
unthinkable task: cleaning our house. So we pulled our hands out of the Quaker Oats box and set to work.
In the midst of the cleaning frenzy, T. Mike unearthed a display
box of "ProSet SuperStars MusiCards" someone had given him. He set them aside on top of Charles's "PigMania" game, where they sat for two weeks. Finally, the temptation of
seeing four-year-old pictures of Wet Wet Wet became too much for us, and we tore open the packs. Out spilled a wealth of cards honoring crappy British acts, crappy American acts and crappy acts whose nationality was unknown.
 Included among the other rubbish were 11 copies of four cards
featuring Dannii Minogue. (There were also a couple of cards honoring her sister, the
slightly better-known Kylie.)
I was stunned, to say the least. Four cards? Had we Americans
missed out on the talent of the century? I mean, the Clash only had one card. The Beatles only had one card. She even had more than Chesney Hawkes! Obviously, this 24-year-old Aussie was a force to be reckoned
with.
The other theory, of course, is that she has reached these lofty
heights for no other reason than that she is a "cutie." Sure, there's that, but four cards?!? Not even Blondie has four cards! Obviously there's more to the story than meets
the eye. I decided to do some digging.
 Dannii (us real fans can call her Dannii) is best known in the
United States as... um... well, I uh... hmm. OK, Dannii is unknown
in the United States, except for those of us who happened to catch
her performances on Home and Away, this wretched Australian soap my friends Shannon, Sue, Tammy
and I used to watch after visiting the Sunset Café. See, a renegade programmer at this Boston station thought Americans
weren't getting enough bad soap operas, so they decided to import one.
In fact, I have never heard anything by Dannii on the radio, seen
her in anything else or read anything about her except in the occasional British music magazine. I have a feeling that, when or if I do ever hear something by
her, I will be sorely disappointed. But if she's good enough for the ProSet SuperStars MusiCards
people, she's good enough for me.
So until such time as I can get a pretty damn good answer to the
Dannii question (or until I get tired of catching grief aboutthis
page), I will keep asking:
Four Cards?!?
I thank you.
back to Alan's page
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