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Dannii Minogue = greatness

by Alan Benson


On January 9, 1996, I made a life-changing decision. I decided to become a huge Dannii Minogue fan. I decided to throw away my suspicion of fan clubs, my hatred of over-hyped British musicians, my musical taste and and my inherent distrust of people named "Dannii" to become a cheerleader for what is apparently the 20th Century's most overlooked talent.

It all started a couple of weeks before, when T. Mike, Charles and I were feeling our oats and decided to tackle a heretofore unthinkable task: cleaning our house. So we pulled our hands out of the Quaker Oats box and set to work.

In the midst of the cleaning frenzy, T. Mike unearthed a display box of "ProSet SuperStars MusiCards" someone had given him. He set them aside on top of Charles's "PigMania" game, where they sat for two weeks. Finally, the temptation of seeing four-year-old pictures of Wet Wet Wet became too much for us, and we tore open the packs. Out spilled a wealth of cards honoring crappy British acts, crappy American acts and crappy acts whose nationality was unknown.

DanniiIncluded among the other rubbish were 11 copies of four cards featuring Dannii Minogue. (There were also a couple of cards honoring her sister, the slightly better-known Kylie.)

I was stunned, to say the least. Four cards? Had we Americans missed out on the talent of the century? I mean, the Clash only had one card. The Beatles only had one card. She even had more than Chesney Hawkes! Obviously, this 24-year-old Aussie was a force to be reckoned with.

The other theory, of course, is that she has reached these lofty heights for no other reason than that she is a "cutie." Sure, there's that, but four cards?!? Not even Blondie has four cards! Obviously there's more to the story than meets the eye. I decided to do some digging.

DanniiDannii (us real fans can call her Dannii) is best known in the United States as... um... well, I uh... hmm. OK, Dannii is unknown in the United States, except for those of us who happened to catch her performances on Home and Away, this wretched Australian soap my friends Shannon, Sue, Tammy and I used to watch after visiting the Sunset Café. See, a renegade programmer at this Boston station thought Americans weren't getting enough bad soap operas, so they decided to import one.

In fact, I have never heard anything by Dannii on the radio, seen her in anything else or read anything about her except in the occasional British music magazine. I have a feeling that, when or if I do ever hear something by her, I will be sorely disappointed. But if she's good enough for the ProSet SuperStars MusiCards people, she's good enough for me.

So until such time as I can get a pretty damn good answer to the Dannii question (or until I get tired of catching grief aboutthis page), I will keep asking:

Four Cards?!?

I thank you.

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