(A VGG Labs Report)
Tired of "talk to the hand," bored with "bling-bling," and attacked by apathy from "all your base," the intrepid researchers at VGG Labs set out earlier this month on a verbal expedition. Their mission? To identify the "anti-catchphrases," those English phrases used least often by everyday people.
Many of these phrases have never been spoken aloud; others have never actually even been thought. All are untested, and should not be used in daily conversation without protection.
The 16 Least-Used English Phrases
- You know what my favorite line from "Paper Moon" is?
- Tom Green's delicate, nuanced portrait of mental illness, "Freddy Got Fingered," is a triumph both for Americans with Disabilities and lovers of sensitive, intelligent filmmaking.
- You can recite the entire script of "Ishtar" including deleted scenes? Do tell!
- He has the raw, untamed sexuality of a young Tom DeLay.
- Multiple Emmy-winner Jerry Springer....
- As your physician, I strongly recommend that you increase your daily Big Mac intake to at least two a day.
- Man, local TV morning shows really make you think, don't they?
- In many ways, Bing Crosby was the first gangsta rapper.
- Mmmm, a guy who lives in a sloppy mud hole next to a sewer conduit is SUCH a turn on!
- Every week, I look forward to the latest hilarious hijinks on "Diagnosis: Murder."
- Man, they only teach that Czolgosz killed McKinley because the FBI is covering up a massive mob-CIA-Commie-Nazi murder plot.
- High score on Asteroids in 1977? Come rub me here, big boy.
- I'm sorry ma'am, but by the time paramedics got there, his blood was 30 percent Tang. He's gone.
- Attention K-Mart shoppers: I am the store manager, I am on aisle five, and I am impotent. Come and get me.
- I prefer the episodes with Scrappy Doo.
- Alan is the funny Van Gogh-Gogh.
Research on this topic continues.
Alan Benson, project manager