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A Dream I Had About a Cat
With Commentary
by T. Mike
The Dream:
It's night and I'm wearing a suit and tie and driving on the highway in a lush green state, like my home state of North Carolina.
I take an exit and pull into an office park type area. I go inside an office building. Once inside the deserted building (it's night, remember), I head straight for the kitchen. I have a cat with me. I've owned many cats in my life but this is not any of them. It's just a sort of an everycat.
I head for the kitchen because the cat is hungry and I want to feed it. Looking in the fridge, I find a can of tuna, but I hesitate, because it probably belongs to someone. I look around some more and discover an entire cabinet filled with cans of cat food. It's some brand I've never seen before, with a paper label that covers the entire can, like Underwood deviled ham.
However, before I can open a can and feed the cat, the cat has run off. I quickly find him in the bathroom, getting ready to drink from the toilet. That's fine, I think. But I make a noise, or somehow otherwise startle the cat and he jumps headfirst into the toilet! Worried, I go over to the toilet to get him out, but the bowl is empty! Panicked, I reach my hand under the water and into the hole. I feel his hind leg and grab it. I pull gently at first, because I don't want to hurt him, but doesn't budge. Then, realizing that the cat will drown if I don't get him out of there, I pull harder and he comes free and I pull the soaking wet cat out of the toilet, thankfully very much alive. I'm very relieved and take him back to the kitchen to feed him and dry him off.
The dream ends.
Analysis:
Um, phew! This one's a toughie, but here goes. Uh well, I like cats. Cats need cat food... and... uh... water. And sometimes cats drink from the toilet, but it's much more precarious than for a dog, because they have to stand on the seat and lean way, way over. I guess as a kid I was worried they would fall in or something. And a drowning cat is a bad thing. But it never actually happened. Cats have great balance, you know. I'm afraid that's about as deep as I can get with this one. Unless you want to get into some weird Freudian toilet-training thing where kids are afraid of falling into the toilet, but who really wants to go there? Yeah, I didn't think so. Did I mention I like cats?
Conclusions:
What conclusions can be drawn from this dream?
1. Well... I like cats but I think I may have already said that.
2. I am a responsible pet owner because I am willing to walk into a strange office and steal some of their cat food for my hungry cat.
3. I am a responsible pet owner because I am willing to stick my hand in a strange toilet to recover a really, really stupid cat.
4. I am a responsible pet owner because I am willing to stick my hand in a strange toilet to recover a really, really stupid cat while wearing my good suit. Stupid cat.
Special Bonus Celebrity Minidream!
With Commentary
The Dream:
Actor Andy Dick, as his character Matthew Brock from the sitcom "NewsRadio," is captain of the starship Voyager from the show "Star Trek: Voyager." He is wearing one of those gold "Star Trek: The Next Generation" uniforms.
Later, Andy Dick (as himself) is in my bedroom where I'm sleeping. I wake and see him wearing a gold colored shirt. I say to him something along the lines of: "Hey, you're wearing a gold shirt! That explains why I dreamed that you were wearing one of those gold uniforms in 'Star Trek: Voyager!'"
The dream ends.
Analysis:
Okay, I know exactly where to go with this dream. First, right before bedtime, "NewsRadio" comes on after "Star Trek: Voyager" where I am. Or at least when I had the dream it used to, then they changed the schedule. Bastards! So, mixing up the two shows in a dream would come pretty naturally. Posing bumbling incompetent Matthew Brock as captain of a starship is just the funny part of my brain going for laughs. It's pretty funny if you know the two shows as well as I do.
But the real issue here is the gold shirt. Now pay attention because this is important. In the old "Star Trek" Captain Kirk wore a gold shirt, properly indicating his command status. When the "Star Trek: The Next Generation" show came out, Captain Picard was wearing a red uniform. What the hell's up with that?! Redshirts were the dead meat cannon fodder guys you knew were gonna die five minutes after they got on screen. Why did the new Star Trek people decide to change this?! Why did the new Star Trek people decide to violate this sacred trust?! What gave them the right!? It was probably some stuck up jerk off wardrobe jerk who said "Ewww, gold is too seventies- icky poo!" Lousy jerk. Anyway, now all of a sudden we're supposed to believe red is the command color. Talk about violating our willing suspension of disbelief! No wonder the new show is not as good as the original Star Trek and never ever will be. Lousy stupid jerks.
Anyway, my subconscious mind knows that gold is the right color to indicate command.
Conclusions:
What conclusions can be drawn from this dream?
1. What kind of idiot changed the color scheme of the uniforms from the old Star Trek to the new Star Trek?!
2. TV people am idiots.
3. Andy Dick agrees with me.
4. I don't want to talk about this anymore because I'm really really angry right now.
I thank you for your time.
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