A Dream I Had About Bill and Hillary Clinton
by T. Mike
In the dream, I am reading, or rather, skimming a newspaper. The dream is taking place in the recent past, because there is an article about President Bill Clinton and his wife, Hillary Clinton. In the accompanying grainy black and white picture, Bill and Hillary Clinton are standing next to each other, both completely naked, pressing themselves against a white wall. Their faces are turned away from the camera. Bill Clinton is on the right, Hillary is closest to the camera.
The gist of the article, which, typical of dreams, I don't actually read, but just somehow know, is that, as the Clinton presidency is winding down, Bill and Hillary visited an art gallery and decided to participate in some artist's performance art piece, where visitors and attendees are encouraged to voluntarily shuck down and press their naked bodies against this particular white wall in an art gallery. Or possibly a museum.
The dream ends. Well, it didn't really end, but it went on to some other unrelated crap I can't remember. But for our purposes, the dream is over.
The most interesting thing about this dream to me is the dichotomy between the act that has taken place and the tone of the article covering it. The event is treated as no big deal or whopping great enormous scandal. It's on the front page, but it's below the fold; the article is fairly short; the tone suggests this is all just another presidential photo op. As though this is just something the Clintons are squeezing in before he leaves office and plenty of other various celebrities have visited here and done this before.
The other thing that's weird is the Clintons remained pressed against the wall for at least a couple of hours. I mean, that's a long time to remain pressed against a wall. Especially naked. I know.
The most distressing aspect of the dream to me, personally, is the high level of realness of the naked Clintons. They looked about how you might expect them to look naked: saggy, flabby, droopy, lumpy, hairy, tanlined, and not really attractive. Make that definitely not attractive. At all. Worse, their average, average bodies are made even less attractive by the unflattering angle of the photo, the grainy, crappy quality of the newspaper reproduction, and the fact that both subjects are mushing their flab against a wall.
I think the dream is highly symbolic of how the Monica Lewinsky scandal has robbed us of our innocence and tarnished our nation's morality, leaving our country in an ethical vaccuum so deep and wide that someone of such dubious provenance as George W. Bush looks capable of filling it.
What conclusions can be drawn from this dream?
1. The Clinton presidency has left us sexually jaded as a nation, what with him getting blow jobbed and all. Or is it blown job? Blowed job? Blew jobbed? (Note to self: Write letter to Miss Manners, re: tense)
2. Performance art is so lame.
3. I hope someone washed that wall regularly.
4. Thank God the Clintons were FACING the wall.
5. Why can't I dream about ATTRACTIVE naked people?!
I thank you for your time.
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