THE THEO REPORT
for a new millennium."
Vol. 3, Issue 3............03/10/00
In this issue:
*Are You Being Probed? continues
*VGG media update
*New and notable on the site
*Coming soon to the site
*Win a t-shirt
*The means of escape from the Theo Report
WAIT A SECOND, WHAT AM I READING?
You're focusing your bloodshot eyes on the Theo
Report, the official, kinda monthly email
newsletter of the Van Gogh-Goghs. Read it, enjoy
it, pass it along to your pals and encourage them
to sign up themselves at
ARE YOU BEING PROBED? CONTINUES
Since mid-February, the Van Gogh-Goghs have been
probing L.A. (oh, quit snickering) with our new
show, "Are You Being Probed?" It's got aliens,
saints, smokers, auto customizers, telemarketers,
and at least one human -- everything America is
crying out for in a live comedy show. And you've
got two more chances to see it -- this weekend and
the next. After that, it'll be nothing more than a
painful memory. Pleasant! Pleasant memory!
Anyhoo, the show's at 9:30 p.m. at Masquers
Cabaret (down near the Beverly Center). If you get
there a little early, you can stuff your gut with
yummy Moroccan food and booze. For the full scoop,
check out <http://www.vgg.com/alien/> and
<http://www.vgg.com/showsindex.html>. But here's
* SATURDAY, MARCH 11 and SATURDAY, MARCH 18
PLACE: Masquers Cabaret and Dinner Theater
8334 W. Third St., West Hollywood
TIME: 9:30 p.m.
PRICE: PARKING: Valet and some on-street
CALL: (323) 653-4848 for reservations
You can get directions to the show at
VGG MEDIA UPDATE
Apparently, Toronto's SexTV show
<http://www.sextelevision.net/> ran their fake
documentary about our Furniture Porn site
<http://www.furnitureporn.com> the other day.
They're supposedly sending us a copy. When we get
it, we'll put it up on the site for your
NEW AND NOTABLE STUFF ON THE SITE
* Yet More VGG News: T. Mike's obsession with news
parodies is starting to scare us. Of course, T.
Mike scares us generally, but this is more scary
than normal. See what we mean at
* Playset: Can't make it to our show? Maybe you
should freakin' try harder. Jeez. But if you
insist, now you can put on Van Gogh-Gogh-style
shows wherever you want with our super-keen
cut-n-paste VGG playset
cut 'em out, glue popsicle sticks to their backs
(we do that before every show), and you've got
emotionless, clumsy, and stiff VGGs. In other
words, perfect facsimiles of the real things!
* Furniture Porn Feedback: Who would have thought
that a handful of pictures of chairs would become
an Internet phenomenon? Well, we did -- that's why
we put up Furniture Porn
<http://www.furnitureporn.com>. But that's neither
here nor there. We were, however, surprised by the
number of people who have written to us about it.
Apparently there was nothing better on TV that
day. And so, since we know that reading other
people's email is the essence of fun, we put their
comments (pro and con) up at Furniture Porn Rocks
Furniture Porn Sucks
* Galen Re-Did His Page: Galen's got a shiny new
design for his personal page
<http://www.vgg.com/galenindex.html>. Now's your
chance to go look it over and muss it up but good.
Sucker. We'll teach him to have nice things.
COMING SOON TO THE SITE
We've got big plans for our Web HQ over the next
couple of months. Keep an eye out for a total
redesign, a VGG MP3 player, interactive
tablecloths, an online TV show, and, if we know T.
Mike, more news parodies. Check in at
<http://www.vgg.com/> for the latest.
Ha! You all think you're so darn smart, but we
have proof you're not. Not one of you smartypants
knew how many Big Gulps T. Mike had in our "Y2K
Test" news release. Ha! I say to you, ha! But
we're nice guys, so we'll give you another chance.
Just head over to our site <http://www.vgg.com/>
and tell us:
How many haikus are there on the haiku page?
Email the answer, your name, and mailing address
to <firstname.lastname@example.org>. We only have XLs left, so
you better adjust your body size to fit. Good
COME SEE "ARE YOU BEING PROBED?"
That's it for this here Theo Report. Come see the
show at Masquers' if you're in L.A. Oh, and you
can email us at email@example.com if you want to