THE THEO REPORT
for a new millennium."
Vol. 3, Issue 1............01/14/00
In this issue:
*You're invited to a super-secret L.A. show
*Are You Being Probed?
*New stuff on the site
*Win a t-shirt
*Shake your booty to our unsubscribing instructions
IS THIS SPAM?
No silly. This is spam:
"FREEE XXXX PASSWORDS!!!! Hotttests site on teh
The Theo Report is the official house organ of the
mighty Van Gogh-Gogh political and comedic
machine. Read it, enjoy it, pass it along to your
pals and encourage them to sign up themselves at
<http://www.vgg.com/bookindex.html>. If you don't
want to get it any more, then fine, be that way.
Follow the unsubscribing instructions at the
bottom of the message. Meanie.
YOU'RE INVITED TO A SUPER-SECRET L.A. SHOW
That's right, Theo Reportians, you are cordially
invited to an exclusive, Theo Report reader-only
show on January 22! It's a special afternoon show
at the swanky Rotor Studios in the even swankier
Is this our way of saying "thanks for reading?"
Heck no! It's our way of saying "we need a new
tape to send out to the press, agents, bookers,
and other scum. (Note to any press/agents/bookers:
Except you, sweetie. You know we love you. Kiss
See, we need a new tape, and we need your help. We
need to get a crowd of people to laugh at our
caperings. More importantly, we need a crowd to
*laugh really hard and pretend to have a good
time* to our caperings. And that's where you come
So what do you get? A show featuring our best
stuff, free food, maybe some t-shirts, and the
chance to fake big laffs! And it's free, even!
Sheesh, I might even show up for this.
Oh wait. Right. But it's still going to be a fun
show. So if you're in the L.A. area on the 22nd of
January (that's next weekend, folks), please come
out and see the show. Actually, even if you're not
in the L.A. area, please come out. (Anyone who
comes from the East Coast will be crowned
"Super-Cool Van Gogh-Gogh Pal for Life.")
Seriously, if you can make it, please come. And
please RSVP (we need to know how many people will
be there). Call (310) 474-8508 or email us at
<email@example.com> to RSVP.
Here's the info on the show:
* SATURDAY, JANUARY 22
PLACE: Rotor Studio, Wiltern Theatre, corner of
Wilshire Blvd. and Western Blvd.,
TIME: 3:30 p.m.
PRICE: FREE, FREE, FREE
PARKING: There's a big parking deck next door.
You should be able to park for free.
You can get directions to the show at
ARE YOU BEING PROBED?
Along with being a darn fine question, that's also
the name of the Van Gogh-Goghs' brand-new show,
coming Feb. 12 to a Masquers' Cabaret near you!
"Are You Being Probed?" is our look at alien
abductions, with a healthy dose of superheroes,
auto customizers, and telemarketers thrown in for
Get the full scoop on the show at
<http://www.vgg.com/release.html>. But here's the
* SATURDAY, FEB. 12 through SATURDAY, MARCH 18
PLACE: Masquers Cabaret and Dinner Theater
8334 W. Third St., West Hollywood
TIME: 9:30 p.m.
PARKING: Valet and some on-street
You can get directions to the show at
NEW STUFF ON THE SITE
* VGGs go news crazy: Maybe it was something in
the water, but we wrote an ungodly amount of news
parodies, fake releases, etc. this month. You can
check out the fruits and vegetables of our labors
* Rejected license plates: A lot of states have
recently begun to redo their licence plates and
replace boring old cliches like "Live Free or Die"
with more peppy slogans. OK, that's a lie, but
it's a good way to set up that we have a list of
our 50 rejected licence plate slogans online at
* Challenge your brainstem with Charles' "Popp
Quizz" at <http://www.vgg.com/chazindex.html>.
* Remember back in school when you learned that
palindromes are words that are spelled the same
forwards and backwards? Well, they are. And
there's a reward drawer of T. Mike-style
palindromes for your enjoyment up at
Everyone, let's give a big ole round of applause
for Corbin R. of Hillsboro, Ohio, and Molly P. of
Washington, D.C., the winners of last month's free
Van Gogh-Gogh t-shirt. (Molly gets extra bonus
points for titling her response "once in a very
rare while, you are especially funny," which we
think is a compliment. We think.) Anyway, go
Corbin, go Molly! Get busy, it's your collective
Wanna be like Corbin and Molly and have a
fulfilling life? No problem. Just answer this
month's question correctly. You're gonna need to
start on the main Goofy Crap page
<http://www.vgg.com/crapindex.html>. The question
Who gave us the Big Boy?
Email the answer, your name and mailing address,
and shirt size (M to XL) to <firstname.lastname@example.org>.
It's first-come, first-served. So get to it.
SEE YOU JANUARY 22, RIGHT?
That's it for the Theo Report, but we're hoping to
see a bunch of you on the 22nd. Email us at
email@example.com if'n you want.