THE THEO REPORT
"Your source for news about
the Van Gogh-Goghs and
other trifling affairs."
Vol. 2, Issue 7............07/20/99
In this issue:
*Two Van Gogh-Gogh Comedy Store shows on the way
*VGG-style standup on Aug. 5
*Van Gogh-Goghs perform new show on Aug. 7 and 14
*Pick-a-Pic contest winners announced
*Ask the Big Boy now available
*Ultra-Checkers 9000 unveiled
*Web site news
*www.vgg.com Scavenger Hunt
*Most importantly of all: the 411 on unsubscribing
WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?
It's our newsletter, silly. You signed up for it, after
all. Read it, enjoy it, pass it along to your pals and
encourage them to sign up themselves
at <http://www.vgg.com/bookindex.html>. If you don't
want to get it no more, follow the unsubscribing
instructions at the bottom of the message.
TWO VAN GOGH-GOGH COMEDY STORE SHOWS ON THE WAY
Well, we seemed to do a pretty good job at our last
Comedy Store gig, cuz they asked us back. Yay us. We'll
be performing twice there in the next two weeks, and
both shows will feature entirely different sketches. So
you should come to both and cheer loud! Right? Right?
OK, here's the real poop: We need your help. The
powers-that-be at the Comedy Store are asking us to
bring in as many people as we can to these shows. If we
can bring in folks, we'll go on to fame, fortune, and
whatnot. If not, we'll become filthy transients who
constantly hassle you for bus fare and sleep on your
porch. We know which possibility is more attractive to
We know Monday is a kind of crappy night to go out, but
we do need your help. If you possibly can, please call
(310) 535-4968, tell 'em you're coming to see us, and
come to one or both shows.
* MONDAY, JULY 26, AND MONDAY, AUG. 9
PLACE: The Comedy Store, 8433 Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles
TIME: 7:45 p.m.
PRICE: FREE! (Two drink minimum, though)
PARKING: Valet and on-street
PLEASE CALL: (310) 535 4968
You can get directions to the show at
VGG-STYLE STANDUP COMEDY ON AUG. 5
Thanks to a really great set on July 1, Jason won his
round of Uncle Clyde's Comedy Contest. Yay Jason! Now
he's going up against the winners from other weeks. The
prize? A week's booking at the Riviera Comedy Club in
Vegas. Not too shabby, eh? We're all hoping to mooch
offa him and maybe bask in some reflected fame. That's
why you need to come vote for Jason Torchinsky in the
finals of Uncle Clyde's Comedy Contest. Here's the info
* THURSDAY, AUG. 5
PLACE: Ha Ha Cafe, 5010 Lankershim Blvd., North
TIME: 8 p.m.
PARKING: Free (in the back and on the street)
ADVANCE TICKETS: (818) 508-4995
The last finals night sold out, so please call ahead
and make reservations. As an added bonus, we'll be
giving out discounted admissions to our Aug. 7 show
For directions, head over to
VAN GOGH-GOGHS PERFORM NEW SHOW ON AUG. 7 AND 14
You know, since our last show, "Scuttlebutt," we
haven't been sitting around on our butts watching "Road
Rovers" reruns on the Cartoon Network. Well, some of us
haven't. Those who haven't have been writing, and we're
proud to present the results of their hard work in our
new, fully interactive show. That's right --
inter-freakin'-active: You pick the sketch, we do it
live in front of you. So don't miss this one:
* SATURDAY, AUG. 7
PLACE: Aaah! Capella, 5907 Lankershim Blvd., North
TIME: 8 p.m.
PARKING: Free (in the back)
* SATURDAY, AUG. 14
PLACE: Masquers Cabaret and Dinner Theater, 8334 W.
Third St., West Hollywood
TIME: 7:30 p.m. (curtain at 8 p.m.)
PARKING: Valet and some on-street
You can get directions to both shows at
PICK-A-PIC CONTEST WINNERS ANNOUNCED
That's right, Pick-a-Pic is over. Finis. Kaput. And we
can honestly say that we were overwhelmed by the sheer
number of people who voted on our press photos. More
than 300 people actually voted. Man, we thought we were
the only ones desperate for entertainment.
Ha. We kid the voters. Seriously, we love each and
every one of our voters. You can see the winner
<http://www.vgg.com/pickapicr.html>. And, since we had
such a huge response, we decided to give away not one
but three, count 'em three, VGG PrizePaks(tm).
Our three winners are:
* Wendy from Oregon
* Helen from Pittsburgh
* Celia from New York
(We don't know why all three winners are women, either.
And no, it's not a pathetic ploy to get Alan and T.Mike
some dates. Though now that we think about it...hmmmm.)
Thanks again for voting -- look for our press photo
coming to some L.A.-area press types soon.
ASK THE BIG BOY NOW AVAILABLE
Get in touch with your mystical side with our new
all-seeing, all-knowing, all-trademark-infringing
oracle, Ask the Big Boy
<http://www.vgg.com/bigboy/askbb.html>. Ask Big Boy a
question, and he can give you infallible guidance.
Really. Try it yourself.
ULTRA-CHECKERS 9000 UNVEILED
Someone once said that gaming was the future of the
Internet. Maybe it was Rob. Or it could have been that
guy in Alan's apartment building who keeps calling him
"Chris." Regardless, we believe that this Wired-esque
aphorism is the truth.
To prove it, we've put our pixels where our mouths are
and created our own exclusive game: Ultra-Checkers 9000.
You'll marvel at how the Internet can transform a
simple game of checkers into a complicated process
involving a monitor. Feel the burn at
WEB SITE NEWS
We've instituted a grand new plan of updating the site
once a week with new fun stuff. Along with Ask the Big
Boy and Ultra-Checkers 9000, we've got all kindsa new
stuff online. Check 'em out:
* Prove Us Wrong <http://www.vgg.com/uswrong.html>: Can
you disprove that cheese is the best thing of anything
with cheese in it? Betcha can't.
* Furniture Porn now has its own domain! Now you can
send your pervy pals to
<http://www.furnitureporn.com/>. Aw yeah!
* Alan is now uploading a brand-spankin'-new, totally
bizarre "Link o' the Workday" every single Monday
through Friday. Check 'em out at
WWW.VGG.COM SCAVENGER HUNT
Here's a chance for you to win a Van Gogh-Gogh t-shirt.
Just be the first person to email us with the correct
answer to this trivia question:
What item is "table-banging good"?
The answer is somewhere on our site. When you find it,
email the answer, your name and mailing address, and
shirt size to <firstname.lastname@example.org>. Good luck.
(Oh, and for the two of you who won last month, your
shirts are going in the mail soon. Sorry. Packaging
THAT'S ALL WE GOT
Thanks for reading all the way down to the end. You're
a peach. Got a comment? Email us at email@example.com.
See you next month.