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Step 1: Acquire the fixins
Like most recipes, the Van Gogh-Goghs van cooking recipes are all about the preparation. I seem to remember Julia Child saying something about how a good meal requires 70 percent planning, 20 percent preparation, and 20 percent presentation. Oh, and 20 percent brandy. And there's probably supposed to be 20 percent chocolate in there, too. So once you have all 150 percent of your materials in place, you're ready for some good eatin'.
In this case, here's what you'll need:
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Two (2) minivans, one to cook on, one to follow in case of exploding food or dying engine
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Five (5) pieces of luggage, each stuffed with enough clothes for one (1) week
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Approx. ninety (90) pounds of sodas and snacks
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Eight (8) books, at least half of which are fiction
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Five (5) smelly sketch comedians, basted with anger at the one (1) Van Gogh-Gogh who is flying up in comfort later
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Assorted electronics
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One (1) copy of "Manifold Destiny: The One! The Only! Guide to Cooking on Your Car Engine!" by Chris Maynard and Bill Scheller. Should be flipped through at bookstore but not actually read until at least twenty (20) minutes after starting to cook on the engine.
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One (1) package of kielbasa
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One (1) salmon steak. Pay no more than $2 for it.
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One (1) jar of lemon pepper spice
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One (1) yellow onion, about the size of a baseball
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One (1) green pepper, ideally without black crap all over its skin (honestly, Oregonians, what's with your produce?)
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Enough heavy-duty tinfoil to wrap the food in at least three layers
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This slab o' fish and these sausage and veggies have no idea what's about to hit them. When road cooking, it's vitally important to keep the food ignorant of its coming fate.
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If you don't have a sharp knife (as we didn't), you can get a pack of two for a couple of bucks. We also recommend picking up some plastic forks, paper towels, and a pack of Band-Aids (just in case).
To prepare, take the cooking van and stuff it with items two through seven. Drive it for a while to preheat the stove, er, engine. Then it's time to get down to the real fun: assembling the edibles.
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