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VGG Logo The Van Gogh-Goghs'
Worst Future Career Moves

Jason's worst future career move will be gaining over a hundred pounds to star in The Buddy Hackett Story. It will, however, win a cable ACE award for lighting. Jason is reduced to doing commercials for frozen peas, cheap white wine and the
Thumbmaster (for people with fat hands). At his lowest ebb, he becomes a psychic friend.

Charles' worst future career move will come when a bitter and spiteful Jenny McCarthy divorces him, gains possession of his mansion, kids, and in a precedent-setting case, successfully sues him for half his brain. She claims she influenced his entire way of thinking, aligning his neurons in the funniest way possible. Only Charles' truest friend, a now morbidly obese and disgruntled Jason, will even visit him in the home after the operation. On the plus side, the president of Mensa (the now cerebrally-augmented Jenny McCarthy) discovers a cure for Marilyn Vos Savant.

T. Mike's worst career move will come when he gets breast implants to star in a remake of Star 80. On being told by the director he is not playing the Mariel Hemingway role, he nervously utters, "I know." Descending into madness, his career will collapse completely when, crazed and obsessed, he shoots Eddie Deezen in front of the Dakota after Mr. Deezen refuses to autograph his copy of Catcher in the Rye.

Galen's worst career move will, surprisingly, not be his newfound religious fervor after his heart attack (the stars are vague on which religion, but feel sure it will be one of the name brand "big three"). Instead his career will suffer mightily after the album he records with the Smurfs.

Rob's worst career will come when he signs a five picture directing deal with a major Hollywood studio. On his first directing job, he reluctantly agrees to star a bloated and paranoid Jim Carrey in a remake of Apocalypse Now. It is a fiasco, mostly due to Carrey's insistence on playing both the Martin Sheen and Marlon Brando roles. The documentary about the making of the movie, Heart of Artichokes, however, is an art house hit. Rob's directing career further hits the skids when he realizes every movie and TV show ever made has already been turned into a movie or remade and he still owes the studio four more pictures. (Original screenplays having been banned by the Screenwriters Guild nine years earlier as "too much work." ) The only thing left to remake are failed pilots, infomercials and silent movies. Rob's decision to agree to direct the remake of Birth of a Nation costs him much public goodwill and his friendships with both Spike Lee and Harry Belafonte.

Wisely turning down lead roles in John Goodman: A Life, Untalented & Unfunny: The Jim Belushi Story, and Family Affair: The Movie (as Mr. French), Al's worst future career move comes when he instead inks a deal to star in Misunderstood: The Framing of John Wayne Gacy. In the first week of shooting, Al has a horrible allergic reaction to the clown makeup and is replaced by Ray Bolger. Al's ensuing eleven month coma, however, is turned into a successful mini-series by the Lifetime Channel.

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