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Prove Us Wrong Number 29

Hello, welcome and hold your nose folks, cause this particular Prove Us Wrong is undoubtedly the smelliest one ever. And boy did you people throw yourselves on it and roll around in it. And now you want to come in the house?! Bad prove-us-wrong-responder! Bad! No! Don't make me get the coffee can full of pennies!

If your dog/cat shat money, it wouldn't even be worth it unless it was at least $50 bills, because of the disgusting stench and mess.

Date: Tue, 15 Jan 2002
From: Hutchison, Jim A
Subject: 50 dollar bills

Your statement doesn't address a few key points that would factor greatly on the validity of this. First, is all excrement created equal? For example, I have 4 dogs ranging in size from 15 to 110 pounds, are you saying that each pile would have an equal monetary value or would the smaller ones only be worth about $12.50? Second, are you suggesting that each 'batch' was composed completely of $50 bills or that they would only contain one $50 each? But as I think about it more, in either case, you're wrong. Even if each pile of 'doggie business' had only a $5 bill in it, and that each of my dogs goes twice a day, that comes to $40 a day, $280 a week, $14,560 a year! That will buy a lot of time in Vegas or someplace tropical with plenty of alcohol to make me forget about the time I spent in rubber gloves sifting through the back yard. Jim

To Rebut:
First off, our statement addresses exactly what we wanted it to address. It doesn't matter how big the pile o' poo, it matters how big the pile o' cash.

Secondly, you prove nothing, other than you're a cut rate poo cleaner. Forty bucks a day to clean poo covered money is less than minimum wage! Have some self respect!


just a line

Date: Wed, 16 Jan 2002 16:42:48
From: simmondsnick@(deleted)
Subject: RESOLVED: If your dog/cat shat money, it wouldn't even be worth it unless it was

This statement presumes that your dog/cat (and what a horrifying beast that must be) also shat shit. Whereas, your premise only mentions money. So, you can disprove this with the statment "If your dog/cat shat money, it would be worth it no matter the denomination if it only shat money." Unless, of course, it's pennies, which no one wants and aren't even worth bending over for.


To Rebut:
Hey Nick, how's tricks? When we say "shat" we mean shat, not "expel money from an ass". Shat implies the presence of poo. Don't believe me? Eat a meal of only corn. Allow nature to take its course. Go to the bathroom and do your dirty sinful business. What's in the toilet? Corn or poo? Corn!? Then eat it again!

Nice try! Now move along and make way for someone else who's wrong.

just a line

Date: Wed, 16 Jan 2002 21:41:40
From: xxx_tasty_xxx@(deleted)
Subject: Proved Wrong Again

My God, you are so horribly wrong. First, if my dog/cat "shat," as you so brilliantly put it, money, one would assume they don't "shat" feces anymore...thus, there goes your whole argument of it wouldn't be worth it due to the disgusting stench and mess. Second, why would it only be worth it if it was at least $50 dollar bills? What if it "shat" 500 one dollar bills? Wouldn't THAT be much more worth it? Third, you imply that the money wouldn't be "worth it" due to the stench and mess...I say this: Pick up any dollar bill you have in your wallet, hold it to your nose, and sniff...you will be pleasantly surprised. It smells disgusting don't you agree? So, if THAT dollar is worth something to you (since it was in your wallet and you planned to spend it), certainly a dollar "shat" out of a cat or dog would be worth it as well. My dear friend, you are indeed the king of morons. While I am collecting a dirty, rotten mess of heaping piles of five and ten dollar bills from my pet's litter box and amassing quite a bank account, you will be sitting at home, complaining about your credit card payments and begging me for money! Fool!

To Rebut:
First, see previous entry.

Second, we don't want to bother cleaning money unless the bill or bills are worth at least 50 dollars. If the animal poops ones at a rate of 500 dollars per shit, that's still a lotta Georges to clean. In order to get 500 bucks by our standards, we only have to clean 10 bills.

Third, I fell for that trick in third grade. Nice try. But I know for a fact the money in my wallet does not smell like cat or dog poo-poo.

Fourth, you're also wrong about us sitting at home complaining about our bills. We'll be at home laughing at the news story we just read about the crazy fool who collects dirty, rotten, poo-coated Lincolns and Hamiltons.

just a line

Date: Sat, 19 Jan 2002 13:26:04
From: cliffhanger@(deleted)
Subject: Must it be bills?

If the pet shat coins, particularly lots of coins, it would be worth it. I don't care what the denomination of the bill is, it still wouldn't be easy to wash, and it would be stained and possibly reek perminantly. Coins are much easier to clean, even scrub. And if the pet craps large numbers of coins at a time (since we're dealing with physical impossibilities anyway), or even just craps a lot, well... I'd rather have $50 in quarters than $50 in bills, if they must be cleaned. For that matter, I think I'd rather have $25 in coins than $50 in bills, if I must clean fecal matter off of them.

To Rebut:
Oh, God! How much of your life do you want to spend cleaning turds off money? Coins may be easier to clean, but it takes more of them to amount to any sum that's worth the bother. One fifty dollar bill is easier to clean than any number of coins amounting to the same value! We'll take one 50 dollar bill to your litter box full of quarters any day.

Moving on!

just a line

Date: Sat, 19 Jan 2002 13:36:29
From: cliffhanger@(deleted)
Subject: Is there any "clean" response to this?

I'm sorry, I was just wondering about the line, "Try to keep it clean, willya? Children might surf here" (main ProveUs Wrong page), in context with "RESOLVED: If your dog/cat shat money, it wouldn't even be worth it unless it was at least $50 bills, because of the disgusting stench and mess." Nice going, hipocrites.

Oh, yeah... I know some "children", since you've mentioned it, who would play with dog or cat feces, just for fun.
Give 'em a dollar and they'll wash anything.
And no, I don't care if they get themselves filthy. They're not my kids. And that's what showers are for.

To Rebut:
Wrong-o-gram for Mistah Leo!

If I was a kid and you paid me to clean the money your dog/cat just shat, you'd be out the dollar and the money in the turd. Kids may play with feces, but they aren't all dumb.

Also, there is nothing dirty about the word "Shat." When we say "keep it clean" we are referring to words like fxxx, or c>>> or m%%%%f%%%%%.

just a line

Date: Sat, 19 Jan 2002 14:00:13
From: cliffhanger@(deleted)
Subject: (no subject)

Whoever this "Ivy" gal is that kept responding to last month's statement ("sucks to be you"), you guys need to get her writing for you. And if she writes for this month's thing, whatever she says, I agree, and you are most likely wrong because of it.

To Rebut:
Are you still here?

Yes, Ivy is a great gal, but you'll have to wait until later to see if she says anything that proves us wrong. Then you can jump on her coat tails, since you haven't even bothered to try to prove us wrong.

just a line

Date: Sun, 20 Jan 2002 12:43:09
From: mhock@(deleted)
Subject: Cat Shat Low-Valued Bills? No Problem!

The Bureau of Engraving and Printing, as evidenced by http://www.bep.treas.gov/section.cfm/8/39, will accept "mutilated currency" for exchange. In a well publicized case, they handled a wallet which had been swallowed and shat out by a cow. So certainly if they handle cow shit they'll handle cat shit. Since you have to clean up after your cat's shit anyway it shouldn't be a big deal, just empty the litterbox in a bag and ship it off to the BEP every month, and even if it only shat twenties, you'll be rollin' in it with no extra work on your part.

But note that you may only send the money to the BEP if the bills are "not clearly more than one half of the original note" and "in such condition that the value is questionable and special examination is required to determine its value." If these conditions do not hold (the cat's shat contains pristine bills), you should be able to send the bills to the local bank. Don't worry, banks are used to having to deal with a lot of shit.

To Rebut:
You can't just walk into the Bureau of Engraving or you local bank with a big pile o' turds and say, "Here's some money I'd like to exchange." You have to show them there is reason to believe there is money inside that crap. So, unless you clean the money at least enough to prove that it is really money, I suspect you'll be talking to a lot of FBI agents and bank security guards before it's all over. And don't think any bank is going to take it, cause every bank I ever dealt with was used to giving me a lot of sh*t.

A very nice try.

just a line

Date: Sun, 20 Jan 2002 14:36:40
From: nune8563@(deleted)
Subject: RESOLVED: If your dog/cat shat money, it wouldn't even be worth it unless it was at least $50 bills, because of the disgusting stench and mess

Well, the answer is quite simple if you were actually smart enough to think about it.
If my dog or cat shat money, then what it shat was money.
Money is not feces or any other type of defecation...Therefore, no stench/mess to clean up.
And no one ever said that money came out with its shit, just that it shat money.
And ahhh the smell of money.....

Good Game!!!

To Rebut:
Good Game indeed! You lose. We covered this right out of the gate.

just a line

Date: Mon, 21 Jan 2002 09:24:09
From: madmoore@(deleted)
Subject: re: prove us wrong.

It's exceedingly obvious that you guys are not Australians! You see, here in Gods' own country, when our animals crap money- no problem. 1stly, seeing as how Australia is favoured as The Best Country In The World- our shat don't stink.This includes all our animals. 2ndly, seeing as how Australia is favoured as The Best Country In The World- when Australians shat ( and, once again, this includes our animals ), not only is there no stench; no mess either. Gee, aren't you already super envious you're not Australian. Well here comes the clincher! 3rdly (or turdly if you prefer), seeing as how Australia is favoured as The Best Country In The World- all our notes are plastic! You see, I've been telling you that Australia is The Best Country In The World. Wot other Best Country in the World could possably have such a forward thinking and benevolent government to make it all that much easier to pick up the wealth simply lying in the streets. Plastic Money!
It's like living on a giant Monopoly board.
But, it must be said, you have a great site. Mind if I put a link to it @ http://sepmes.tripod.com?
Thanks for being out there,

To Rebut:
Wow! Australia sounds like it's the best country in the world. We are intrigued by this plastic money, but we'll need to verify the existence of such a thing. Please send us 10 of each denomination for our...uh... inspection team.

But even if it is plastic, it's still covered in poop. I'm not touching it unless it's at least a fifty. Oh, and feel free to link away.

Waitaminuite, "no mess either?" Then what the hell comes outta your Australian asses?! Sand? Air?

just a line

Date: Sun, 20 Jan 2002 22:14:46
From: agraves@(deleted)
Subject: prove us(you all) wrong

I'm not even going to try. Have you seen the DeathClock page? I think its www.deathclock.com. They have some amazing rants posted there. Check it out. Just a tip.


To Rebut:
Alex, you are wise beyond your years!

just a line

Date: Mon, 21 Jan 2002 11:21:03
From: thomas.t.grader@(deleted)
Subject: if my pet shat $$$

Oh I don't know...I might bend down to pull a twenty out of the stench and mess...but then if my cat shat money, I'd be on stupid pet tricks sooooo fast...rubbing elbows with Dave and the band...hey, wait...is that CAT POOP ON MY SHOES?? ON NATIONAL TV???...........cool!

To Rebut:
Mr. Letterman is not letting you on the show. I don't care what comes outta your cat's ass, that's not something the network censor is going to allow.

And where do you get off calling him "Dave" like he's your best friend or something? That's "Mister Letterman" to you. You pay him the respect he deserves. He almost DIED so your sorry ass would have something to laugh at after 11:30 every night.

just a line

Date: Tue, 22 Jan 2002 19:02:21
From: wbm@(deleted)
Subject: If your dog/cat shat money...

Resolved: Sucks to be me.

if my kitty, veronika, like, shat fivers, I'd, like, just throw it all in the washer, throw it in the dryer, then, like, take it to the bank & let THEM sort that shit out [meaning the 'scent issue']

haaa-haha - two puns & they were both unintentional - I KEEL me!!!!

luv, bri

To Rebut:
Even if they were unintentional, that's no excuse.

Would you really put poop in your washer? No wonder those dryer sheets don't work for you.

just a line

Date: Thu, 24 Jan 2002 15:25:31
From: Avaldez@(deleted)
Subject: sorry to say it but ...

you're wrong in three totally different ways.

A: if your dog/cat (which i'm assuming is a strange push-me-pull-you type creature) shat money then it wouldn't shit shit by definition. you didn't propose that the dog/cat shat both money AND fecal matter, just money. so there wouldn't be any stench or mess.

B: even giving you the benefit of the doubt and assuming that you MEANT to say "shat money embedded in shit" then it would still be worth it. you'd have to clean up the mess anyway. and even if the stench and mess bothered you that much i'm sure you could find someone out there who was willing to sort through it all. then you could tell them "hey, clean up this shit and you get to keep the money." in this way you don't have to clean up after your dog/cat which, since you seem to hate the stench and mess so much, would be well worth it.

C: even if you never retrieved a cent from the litter box (or whatever this animal uses) it'd be worth millions because its an animal that shit money. this is a rather rare find. sell the story to a few tabloids and then some pictures to Ripley's Believe It or Not and your dog/cat has proved its worth.

How cunningly nature hides every wrinkle of her inconceivable antiquity under roses and violets and morning dew!
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

To Rebut:
Dear Ralph Waldo Emerson,
A. If you shat something out it would contain or be enveloped in poop.

B. When I clean up after a dog/cat I scoop and toss it into the garbage. That's the end of dealing with it. I don't think anyone would be willing to clean up after your dog/cat unless the piles contained at least 50 dollar bills. You would have to pay them to clean up the mess and also give them the money, which is a lose/lose scenario for you.

C. You proved us wrong. We didn't consider the value of the animal that could do such a thing. We only saw the money's value. Unless of course, your pet is not magically generating the bills internally. It could just be finding them and eating them.

Now some may think this is the same answer as the guy who earlier said he'd take the animal on Letterman. But his vision was too limited. This Ralph Waldo guy has a plan. Three cheers for Mr. Emerson!

just a line

Date: Thu, 24 Jan 2002 15:47:41
From: domalleyhsd@(deleted)
Subject: Cat/Dog Shit and Money - WRONG

This is inherently wrong; as I have seen no small amount of times, people are willing to do disgusting and/or smelly things for less than money. If only I had a dollar for every time someone offered to kill for a milkshake, crawl naked through pig-slop to date some bint or take an assassin's bullet rather than listen to a Teen-pop bubblegum album, I'd... well, I'd have four dollars.

But compared to that, checking the litterbox for the daily reciepts is nothing.

To Rebut:
Uh, people may say things like, "I'd kill for a milkshake", but how many actually go through with it? I should hope none. Getting people to say they'd do disgusting things for less than money is easy. Getting them to actually go out with you is much, much harder.

just a line

Date: Tue, 29 Jan 2002 14:24:47
From: thebeanrules@(deleted)
Subject: You are so wrong

I have been broke broke before and believe me, if my kitty shat even a $5.00 bill when I was at the lowest of my lows, I would gladly pick it up with my teeth (OK I am exaggerating now) just to get a pack of cigarettes. Your theory is so wrong because you are only thinking from one side of your argument, which is assuming that the person looking for money in the animals' shite has money already. You obviously have never been desperate and for the desperate person, your morals take a turn for the worse......But, that is only my opinion, I could be wrong (There is a first time for everything!)

To Rebut:
Bean, do you think people without money have no self respect? We don't live in a world where there are no other options other than picking money out of turds with your teeth. Even in the poorest of countries I think the starving masses would take the high road on this one.

just a line

Date: Fri, 1 Feb 2002 21:23:56
From: agegax2@(deleted)
Subject: If your pet "shat" money

Van Gogh-Goghs,

You guys are wrong, but that is not why I write.
I write because you used the word "shat" as the past tense of "shit". It has long been common perception that the past tense of shit is shit. Thank you for taking up arms in my quest to make shat a part of everyday vernacular. Your rightitude in using shat more than makes up for your wrongage about the pet shitting money issue. Therefore, you are right! Keep up the good work.

Las Vegas, NV

To Rebut:
Alan, we will continue to try and correct the horribly wrong school teachers around the English speaking world who have been teaching our children. Conjugate along with us, folks: I shat. You shat. He/She/It shat.

just a line

Date: Sun, 10 Feb 2002 22:36:16
From: outtacontext@(deleted)
Subject: the things I do for money...

The thing about money is, that it can be traded in exchange for goods and services, once it is spent, you never have to deal with it again. The more disgusting the state of the money, the better the excuse to screw tucking it away in your sock drawer for a rainy day and spend it! Mmmm... more excuses to spend...

Better yet, you can take it to the bank and trade it in. The bank is obligated to return damaged money to the mint so that it can be taken out of circulation and destoyed. This way you never have to worry about the possibility of receiving the soiled money back as change.

Yep, I think it would be worth it if my dog was excreting even Loonies. (That's dollar coins for you non-Canadians, tsk.) I'd follow him around with one of those automatic coin rollers wearing a pair of rubber gloves.

Um... did I mention that they just started making me pay back my student loans?


To Rebut:
Okay, the legal tender argument again. You may have a point. All that free money you'd have would more than make up for being known around town the crazy person who takes shit to the bank. However, you would have to be able to prove the bag of crap also contained money. So, you still have to clean the money enough to show it's value. And even then, I'm still not convinced the bank has to take it. So you are wrong. And shame on you for assuming we dumb Americans don't know what a Loonie is. In fact, we know what a Twoonie is.

just a line

Date: Mon, 11 Feb 2002 19:01:50
From: terryk@(deleted)

Van Gogh-Goghs,

I have a true story about a $20 bill that was shat out by a dog. My mother has worked for the bank for 30 years now and she told me a story about a man who brought in a $20 bill to be exchanged. The man carried the bill into the bank in a rag. So my mother asked why he had the stained bill on the rag. With no hesitation the man told her his dog ate the $20 bill and that he had to follow the dog around for a couple days until he shat it out. So this proves that it only has to be a $20 bill in order for some people to deal with the stench and mess. My question is why did the dog eat it in the first place?

To Rebut:
No, my question is why didn't your mother throw the rag back in the jerk's face? Or simply point and jeer. Okay, you've given us an example of one person who felt a twenty was worth the trouble. The problem with your argument is there is no way to prove the incident ever took place. I'm not calling your mother a filthy, filthy liar by any means, but sometimes parents do embellish stories about their day at work to impress the kids. Especially when you work somewhere as boring as a bank, fer Chrissakes. And remember, I'm not calling your mother a liar. Think of it as me calling you a gullible, gullible mouthbreather.

just a line

Date: Wed, 13 Feb 2002 02:12:49
From: rea_s@(deleted)
Subject: cat shat

Relativity my friends....one man's shatty currency is another more feline shaped man's gold. My cat sticks her nose up her ass on a regular basis in a frenzy of hygene that to me seems like a step backwards. Now a couple of quarters from her ass might get her a hit or two of cat-nip. C'mon, coke addicts have done much worse than that for a high.

Compliments of Microshaft-
You're not going ANYWHERE today!

To Rebut:
Microshaft! Bwahahahaha! That's comedy gold! Quit your day job!

Okay, 'nuff sarcasm- look, you'd still have to handle the money to buy the cat-nip for her, unless she has a pusher that lives in the house with you. Do you? The DEA doesn't monitor this site, you can be honest.

So you'd still have to deal with the money, not her. So what amount of poop are you willing to deal with to get her a cheap high?

just a line

Date: Wed, 13 Feb 2002 11:14:19
From: David.Neal@(deleted)
Subject: shitting bills

It is my hobby to fit as many screwed up and compressed $20 bills into one $20 bill as I can. I know from experience that you can get about 5 or 6 to squash into one ball small enough to wrap another around it... into a nice swallowable bundle. I'm sure that if my dog happened to eat one of these packets, I wouldn't have a second thought about following it around with a stick, and when the magic packet finally dropped, poking off the outside $20 to reveal $100 of pure, unstained (slightly crinkled) "treasure".


To Rebut:
Uh, that's your hobby? This qualifies as a "hobby," how, exactly? How often do you do this? Do you keep these compressed $20 bills on a shelf as proof of your amazing talent? If so, how many do you have and where do you live and where do you keep your spare key?

You make a good point, but what are the odds that the wrapped bills will remain rapped as it passes through the digestive tract?

And why are you feeding your dog money? That borders on abuse. But don't worry, PETA and the Humane Society don't monitor this site. So feel free to tell us what other horrible things you do to your pet.

just a line

Date: Thu, 14 Feb 2002 10:03:46
From: denaliak@(Deleted
Subject: Scat Money....

"If your dog/cat shat money, it wouldn't even be worth it unless it was at least $50 bills, because of the disgusting stench and mess."

Five words: Paper currency is machine washable.

To Rebut:
Seven words: I don't put feces in my washer.

just a line

Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 14:39:33
From: KansCityFn@(deleted)
Subject: Dog/Cat excreting money

Van Gogh-Goghs,

Haven't you ever heard of "laundering" money?

To Rebut:
A. Not funny and B., See above.

just a line

Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 11:44:21
From: ccar@(deleted)
Subject: prove us wrong

Hello, Do you insinuate that I should tolerate such imbecilical impertence from a mere microscopical pest like you, who's mental capacity is only exceeded by the gargantuan size of your feet?
Give me a break. What a stupid "prove us wrong".

To Rebut:
Kartzzz, Ya know, you talk pretty tough for a person with three z's in their name. If the Prove Us Wrong is so stupid, why did you bother to respond at all?

just a line

Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 12:29:33
From: imalitteapot@(deleted)
Subject: My dog

You usually have a point, but this was just the most ridiculous assertion I have seen thus far. I mean, you can't just make a blanket statement about what it would be like if Scruffy shat money. Scruffy's shat is not always the same, you know. If you had said something along the lines of "If Scruffy shat his nastiest shat..." then oh heck yes it better be at least $50. However, maybe it was small and pleasant-smelling and really, in that case, i'd take a $5. Your statement is clearly an overgeneralization and grossly unfair in its stereotyping of Scruffy's shat. And I would go on to say that if Scruffy were shatting money, why would it smell? The money I own doesn't smell. Maybe you need to do laundry every now and then, buddy, cause it's not the money that's stinking. So unless the money is mixed in with something else (which clearly was not indicated in your statement) it's free clean stinkless money and it really doesn't matter where it comes from. As if all money hasn't been used as toilet paper at some point or another anyway. well, that's all, i think i've more than humiliated you for your ignorant remark.

To Rebut:
Firstly, you're wrong in the first sentence. These things never ususally have a point. Second, I have never, ever found a "pleasant smelling" turd. Maybe you've confused dear Scruffy with a hand soap dispenser.

just a line

Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 14:43:41
From: dhughey@(deleted)
Subject: if your dog/cat ...

If your dog/cat shat money, it WOULD be worth it even if it were under $50, as long as you're worth less than $50 per the amount of time it takes to pick up the money. So, unless you're Bill Gates, it would be worth it. Why? You didn't qualify the statement by saying that money AND poop come out of the dog or cats butt. You just said that money comes out. Money does not have a disgusting stench (some people really like the smell of money) and money does not cause a mess. Furthermore, if only money comes out of the dog or cats butt, there would be no disgusting stench or mess associated with the money. So, you are wrong.

Thank you.


To Rebut:
We didn't say money came out of the cat and dog's butt, we said if the cat or dog shat the money. Shat! Shat! Shat! Shat! When will you people learn? Shat means sh*t is involved. Always! Period! Damn! Mo' money, mo' problems!

just a line

Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 15:17:53
From: jeffro@(deleted)
Subject: If your dog/cat shat money

If my dog/cat were to actually shat money, then it would not be shat per se, it would be money. In order for this miraculous occurrence to happen, there must be some form of matter transformation. The animal would not pass common feces as we know if, but in fact would pass money. It may be filthy lucre, but the mess and smell associated with normal pet feces would not occur here by definition. Therefore it would be worth following the little darling around for bills and maybe even dollar, half dollar and quarters, but I'd be damned if I would worry about pennies, unless they were conveniently in rolls.

To Rebut:
Where did you get this "matter transformation" crap? If your animal transformed anything into money and you tried to spend it, you'd be a counterfeiter and you'd end up in jail and I don't think any amount of money would be worth that.

We didn't say how the money got inside the pet, we are only interested in how it came out. They could have eaten it, you know. No, seriously.

just a line

Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 15:59:45
From: sklacy@(deleted)

Ah the age old problem of just what won't we do for cash, especially free shat by cats and dogs cash.

What disgusting stench and mess? Just alter what you are feeding your filthy lucre shatting pet and reap the rewards... vegan pet crap is not so offensive, and just shove the cash, even those meager tens and twenties, into a really well-sealed zip-lock and after a bit take a big bundle to the bank, then it is their problem. All those commercials for zip-locks are just coded messages from aliens telling us to leave the doors unlocked at night, leave the windows up a bit, and in they will come, doing all of their weird and nasty experiments, fogging your mind so that the memory is affected and you cannot remember.... but the proof is there if you look! Those little twistys you have stashed back in the junk drawer, the zillion extra ones that come with the garbage bags, the ones you use for just about every job where duct tape is not enough... well try looking for them. If they are gone, well there you go, the aliens have been in your house, and at you in the night. But never the less, those zip-lock bags are a nifty way to store cat and dog doo-covered cash, clever foreign devils.

To Rebut:
Ah, the age old problem of thinking your poop or your pet's poop don't stank. La de da! "My vegan animal has less offensive shit than your carnivore." First, have you ever once stepped on a dairy farm? Cows eat nothing but grain and grass and I still don't want to go near their poop. Second, someone sic PETA on this guy! Animals aren't vegans, doof! Quit forcing your prejudices on your helpless pet and give that poor thing the juicy, juicy meat he/she craves! Geez, do you make him vote the Green Party ticket, too?

As for just putting the stuff in a Zip-lock and taking it to the bank, unless it is visibly money, the bank is not touching it. So you'll still have to clean it a little.

As for that other stuff about twist ties and aliens, don't ever scare me like that again!

just a line

Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 17:27:06
From: lah150@(deleted)
Subject: Excreting $

You don't say the animal also shits shit. Just money. So where's the mess and stench? Yes, I admit there is a certain stench about money, but this particular source seems to be considerably less odorous than, say a political contribution (for which anything less than $1,000 bills is probably not worth the bother).

So, I'll take even $1.00 bills, though these days, they are hardly worth the bother unless there's a lot of them. To that, perhaps you'll reply that any fewer than 50 is not worth the bother. Yes, but then it doesn't matter if they come from your shitting animal or the animal behind the counter at the Seven Eleven or what have you.

To Rebut:
Look, I also didn't say the animal pooped a genie that grants you wishes! There's a lot of things I didn't say.

Poo has a very specific purpose in life. It removes poison from the body. An animal that doesn't poop poop and only dispenses money from their ass isn't gonna live very long.

just a line

Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 17:55:33
From: XUniVerSalGODX@(deleted)
Subject: this is too easy doggy butt wiper

OK now, what if they crapped 50s' and 100s' only on occasion........maybe ever so often......see then you would have to take the risk of fishin through poo to maybe get a 50 dollar bill or a hundred......and would be rewarded ever so often with one or two ...so in turn it would be worth it even if they didnt crap a 50 every single time ....am I right or am I right........Ill tell you what though the laxative market would go bonkers!!!

To Rebut:
Um, did you try to prove us wrong? You did such an impressive job disguising your argument with extra long ellipses I don't even know what you said, but I'm sure you're wrong. Pretty sure.

just a line

Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 19:50:39
From: jenright@(deleted)
Subject: You're Wrong

RESOLVED: If your dog/cat shat money, it wouldn't even be worth it unless it was at least $50 bills, because of the disgusting stench and mess.

Rather than prove your wrongness directly, I'll examine the underlying wrongness of this assumption.

1. Your determination of worthlessness is dependent on local economic conditions. In many economically depressed areas, filth encrusted one$ would have sufficient value to merit dunking them in the polluted river that is the only source of "potable" water, thus rendering them once again useful tender for all debts, public and private. Also, I'd imagine many homeless individuals would be willing to scrape the fecal matter from five$ in order to obtain their daily portion of "Mad Dog 20/20".

2. Your assumption that a canine or feline colon is unreasonably foul is unrealistic. Do you have any idea what kind of bacteria and biological debris is on circulated money? My cat just squeezed a loaf that is more sanitary than most of the change I get at Wal-Mart.

3. You underestimate the willingness of individuals to place disgusting matter in laundromat washing machines. It is a simple matter to place the contents of a "pooper-scooper" in a machine, push the button, then stroll down the block to quaff a few cold ones until the odor abates.

4. It is obvious that you constructed this assertion simply to provide an opportunity to use the word "shat" in a sentence.

Thus is your logic shown to be feeble and your wit shown to be halved.


To Rebut:
1. I give a homeless person a brand new shiny nickel and I get it thrown at the back of my head as I walk away. I can't imagine what would happen if I gave them a hand full of dookie with a dollar in it.

2. You need to stop shopping at Wal-Mart. Target is just as cheap and they have better commercials.

3. It would still have to be at least 50 dollar bills to get me to step foot into a laundromat. Or as I like to call them, the most-depressing-places-on-Earth-o-mats.

4. Yeah. So?

just a line

Date: Mon, 18 Feb 2002 23:48:25
From: creasor@(deleted)
Subject: RESOLVED: If your dog/cat shat money, it wouldn't even be worth it unless it was at least $50 bills, because of the disgusting stench and mess.

First of all...'shat' is another term for 'shit' according to Websters Dictionary. Any form of money, regardless of its value would be invaluable since it is a well known fact that creatures do not shit/shat currency. If such were true for a particularly unique animal which one owned, a fortune could be made just by displaying its unique talent to suckers, possibly not unlike you, for the priviledge of viewing this feat.

To Rebut:
First, nice dictionary work, there, Sherlock. Second, you, my dear respondent, have proved us wrong and made me long for the State Fair.

just a line

Date: Sat, 11 May 2002 14:28:05
From: mhock@(deleted)
Subject: Poo-covered money

How much IS it worth? The world needs to know.

To Rebut:
Patience, bunky, patience. All in good time.

just a line

Date: Sun, 17 Mar 2002 15:44:53
From: mhock@(deleted)
Subject: Cat Shat

When are you guys going to put up the answers to that "Prove Us Wrong" thing? We're dying out here.

To Rebut:
Uh, how about... nnnnnnnnnnnnn... now!

Preesh, all. You've confirmed that people will do anything, ANYTHING for money, no matter how little the sum. Okay, so we're all whores, but at least I'M a high-priced whore. Or at least, I like to think I'm a high priced whore. But hell, let's face it, when the fleet comes in, I'm anybody's! But enough about my summer job. You proved us wrong, cause the animal what poos the Benajamins (or Grants, or Jeffersons or whatever) is going on the carny circuit where you can make much more dollars suckering the marks out of the ticket price than the poor beast could ever push out, laxatives included! I have to go wash my hands now. You people should go wash your mouths out. Then come back and try your luck again at...

Prove Us Wrong!

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