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Prove Us Wrong Number 15

Well, hell. There we were sitting at the winner's table all ready for our victory feast for this prove us wrong. Instead we were served up a big, steaming pile of crow, with a side of our own words and humble pie for dessert. We were also served our own heads on a platter and given chopsticks with which to eat our own hearts out, which is really, really hard with just chopsticks and no knife or fork.

The thinnest true sandwich one can construct is:
  • a piece of lavash
  • mustard
  • a slice of Carl Buddig brand lunch meat
  • another piece of lavash

Date: Monday, October 9, 2000 1:54 AM
From: Babette@(deleted)

Okay, I looked up lavash, and it's some sort of cracker flat bread... and I've never heard of Carl Buddig brand anything, so I must concede because I have no idea what you're talking about. But I must say it does sound pretty thin. So I can't prove you wrong.
<3's, Babsy

To Rebut:
Thank you! We always enjoy emails of this type. There is no shame in admitting that, yes indeed, you think our prove us wrong stuff is incomprehensible gibberish. Thanks for writing! And <3's to you too!

just a line

Date: Tuesday, October 31, 2000 8:26 PM
From: SClatter@(deleted)

As everyone knows, the thinnest sandwich is the "hope" sandwich which consists of two slices of bread and the hope that someday you'll be able to afford something to go between the slices.

To Rebut:
Crap. I can either agree that you have proved us wrong, or I explain how a true hope sandwich is totally dependent on the hoped future arrival of sandwich filling. Thus the two pieces of the sandwich (bread slices and filling) exist at two different, separate, discrete times. Therefore, due to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, the hope sandwich can only exist in theory, as it occupies a state between existence and nonexistence until it is actually eaten. But since it is impossible to eat a sandwich that is in a state between existence and nonexistence, and an eaten sandwich is technically no longer a sandwich but a masticated mess, determining the thickness of a such a construct has been deemed an intellectual cul-de-sac.

So...um... you proved us wrong, sure.

just a line

Alrighty. We got so little response to this burning issue of sandwich thickness, that we had to go out and prove ourselves wrong! After extensive testing in the John Montagu Memorial Sandwich Wing of the Van Gogh-Gogh Experimental Kitchen Facility (a stained card table with our hotplate), we have created a sandwich even thinner than the lavash abomination above. We hereby dub our immaculate creation the "Seaweedwich." It consists of a bread sized square of roasted seaweed (as used in wrapping sushi), a slice of Buddig brand lunch meat, mustard and another bread sized square of roasted seaweed. We believe it to be not only the thinnest sandwich known to man, but the thinnest sandwich scientifically possible!

The Seaweedwich, with ingredients.


1 C.E. (circa) - Rabbi Hillel (70 B.C.E. - 10 C.E.), citing Numbers 9:11 as precedent, creates a matzoh and horseradish sandwich (an unleavened proto-sandwich).
1763 - Earl of Sandwich (1718 -1792) invents the sandwich.
1928 - Pre-sliced bread invented in St. Louis.
1941 (circa) - First written mention of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
2000 - Van Gogh-Goghs invent the Seaweedwich, the thinnest sandwich ever, being almost HALF has thick as the previous thinnest known sandwich.

Diagram showing the relative thicknesses of the Seaweedwich and the lavash sandwich.

just a line

Once again, the Van Gogh-Goghs have risen to the challenge, the challenge of a complete lack of challenge! We don't need you people to prove us wrong, we can do it just fine ourselves! We heartily congratulate ourselves and thank ourselves for playing ...

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