About Us
Contact Us

--- Search
|-  -|
Prove Us Wrong Number 9

Yes, well, once again it would appear that we might possibly have been in error. Perhaps we're not as infallible as we'd like to think. We'd like to think we're as infallible as the pope, but maybe it's time to downplay the infallibility thing, and concentrate on areas of greater strength for us. Like say, fallibility. We have that one down cold.

RESOLVED: Most popcorn sold at the movies is eaten before the movie even starts.

Date: Tuesday, February 22, 2000 7:45 PM
From: gerard.mcghee@(deleted)

Sorry gents. This is one I can't prove you wrong on unless one of 2 things happens

1. You are allergic to popcorn
2. You come after the trailers at the start!


To Rebut:
Thanks for being so up front about not being able to prove us wrong. I find that kind of candor very refreshing. If only more people would just agree with me, I could sleep better at night without all that teeth grinding and enuresis. As to the points you raise, if you were allergic to popcorn you wouldn't be buying any popcorn at the movie (unless perhaps you owned stock in a movie popcorn company). And your second statement would maybe kinda sorta be true if we were talking about one person's popcorn, but we're talking about all the popcorn sold, and most people get there before the trailers start. I hereby declare the issues you raise MOOT! And in the words of the immortal McLaughlin, "Next issue!"

just a line

Date: Wednesday, February 23, 2000 12:45 AM
From: heliconzero@(deleted)

Evidently none of you have been to a picture house in a while, or you would have noticed one thing which tottaly negates your point: Most popcorn sold at movies is not even eaten. Allow me to elaborate. Should there be a bunch of young kids in a movie that I want to watch then, somewhat inevitably, most of the popcorn is thrown at me, and therefore not eaten. Secondly, should you have taken a date whom you are striving to impress to the cinema, then most of the popcorn will be spilled over yourself. It seems that somehow the popcorn does this merely to impinge upon your chances of ever scoring with this person, as after leaving the movie-house you will picking popcorn from your most intimate places for weeks after... but only if you are with that person! Surely this is some sort of conspiracy? Paranoid ramblings or not, this leads me to conclude, sirs, that your point is moot. Most popcorn is not even eaten.

To Rebut:
I'm sorry, "picture house?" Geez, do you still call 'em "talkies," too? So you think most popcorn sold at the movies is thrown at you or spilled on you in front of your date. You're taking this awfully personally, aren't you? I would agree with you if you made up the majority of movie goers. But you are just one person. Most people aren't the pathetic loser you have painted yourself as being and do not, in fact, get pelted with popcorn or spill it all over themselves like a spaz. So I don't think you have proved us wrong. But good luck with the dates! (You need it!)

just a line

Date: Thursday, February 24, 2000 5:14 AM
From: Crosley@(deleted)

I have to admit, sadly, you are correct. I ran tests and not only did I eat all my popcorn before the movie started, I ate my dates, too.

To Rebut:

Look, let's leave the combination fruit/cannibalism/oral sex jokes to the alt.sex.fruit.cannibalism.oral-sex newsgroup, hmm-kay?

just a line

Date: Friday, February 25, 2000 4:35 AM
From: wsquire@(deleted)

The basic premise of your resolution is correct. I will still, however, prove you wrong. Wrong as wrong can be. And yes, I will use mere semantics to do so. Don't think yourselves of superior intellect simply because I couldn't refute the idea that a very small percentage of popcorn bought is actually eaten during the movie. By the time the actual movie starts, the average popcorn-eating movie-goer's mouth is puckered, raw, and full of what I judge to be the beginning of debilitating mouth ulcers, caused by movie popcorn salt, preventing them from further enjoying their buttery manna. It would be foolish to attempt to disprove such a basic universal truth. That being said, I will now continue in my petty crusade to prove you all wrong, because I want to win the prize.

Here come the semantics. If you had said "Most popcorn eaten at the movies is eaten before the movie even starts," you would be correct. The reason you are wrong is, of course, that most of the popcorn sold at the movies is not eaten at all. In rare cases, the half-eaten tub is thrown away at the end of the feature. More often it is left, forgotten and abandoned, beneath the seat of the one who, a scant two hours prior, had been so attentive, savoring each bite, letting one kernel melt slowly on the tongue, and crunching the next mercilessly. Oft times the popcorn doesn't make it to the end of the movie before being terminated for the pleasure of its owner. I refer to those butter buds chosen, not for their gastronomical appeal, but for their aerodynamical function, the all too familiar "Flying Corn Puffs of Death" that are so easily flung from the hands of adolescents apparently for no reason at integral parts of the movie. And finally there are those that fall victim to the malicious, evil, small-minded people like my future brother-in-law, my fiancee, and myself, who enjoy sprinkling entire bags of popcorn around the theater lobby before the movie starts in order to watch the attendants follow us around with their little scoopers picking it all up, like those sad pathetic clowns that don't know how to juggle, so they get stuck behind the horses in the parade, and also to punish the movie theater for charging so much and for being stupid enough to give free refills on popcorn. These are the fates most likely to befall a kernel of movie theater popcorn, not being eaten.

Again I would like to say that the spirit of the resolution is of the purest truth, and that there lies in the wording alone possibility to find fault. I feel very small and cheap for being the one to point out the one misplaced brushstroke in an otherwise flawless masterpiece, and my only solace is the promise that I won't be the only one, but there will be others to share my guilt.


To Rebut:
Sorry to have to break it to ya, Jason, but there ain't no prize for proving us wrong. Just the warm glow of smug self satisfaction. Now that we've cleared that up, your opinion is most movie popcorn is (a) thrown and/or, (b) thrown away. But you left out movie goers who, having wasted $8.50 on the latest from the Hollywood crap factories, get revenge by dumping any and all leftovers on the floor. If they would make better movies I wouldn't have to do that. For a good movie, I carry my trash to the waste basket on my way out! But sometimes the movie is so bad I'm forced to pour drinks on the seat, grind the popcorn into the carpet with my boots and set a small fire in the men's room.

Wait. I'm agreeing with you.

Did I mention you proved us wrong? Because you have. Yep. You're right. Most popcorn EATEN, not sold, at the movies is eaten before the movie even starts. Well, go glow with smug self satisfaction already. But go do it outta my face, capiche?!

just a line

Date: Friday, February 25, 2000 1:28 PM
From: leo-c@(deleted)

My facts are based on experience gained cleaning movie theaters for five years. On what is your theory based?

At least half of the popcorn sold in movie theaters ends up on the floor so it can be blown into the corner by a leaf blower and recycled back to the popcorn machine. (Just kidding about the recycle. Not kidding about the popcorn on the floor.) If any popcorn at all is eaten after the movie starts, then you are wrong, since half of the popcorn sold is not eaten at all. If you have ever, or if I have ever eaten even one handful of popcorn after the movie starts, then that means that you are wrong. I ate a few handfuls in more than one movie so there is proof. Have you ever? I know you will have to answer yes to that so there is double proof. I guess double proof makes your theory double wrong, huh? Bite the bullet, Big Guy. You blew this one. I won't laugh and I won't gloat .... The heck I won't! Ha Ha You are so arrogant and proud when you are right, you have earned my contempt and loathing. Not for being wrong, but for your complete lack of humility when you are usually right.

To Rebut:
What's my theory based on? Well, let me just tell YOU buddy, that my freakin' theory is based on these damn Prove Us Wrongs get harder and harder to come up with. You see how damn lame this one is, don't you?!

So you're in the most-movie-popcorn-ends-up-on-the-floor camp too, hunh? Too bad your argument makes no sense, since you've proved us wrong and all. Eating one handful of popcorn after the movie starts in no way proves me wrong. Meathead. I'm sorry, that was completely called for. What the hell are you talking about?! I said MOST popcorn, not ANY popcorn. And if MOST popcorn ends up on the floor, it doesn't matter if ANY is eaten, at any time, ever, I'd still be wrong, ya meathead. That's right, I said it again. Next!

just a line

Date: Saturday, February 26, 2000 1:53 PM
From: nsimmond@(deleted)

Well, you see, most popcorn sold at movie theaters couldn't be eaten before the movie starts. According to Webster's Okay, now, with what happened last time, he's sure to have left off reading at this point, so, as promised, my United Nations comrades, here are the occupation instructions that were tragically lost when Plan Metric Roadsign failed. Our troops stationed in Canada will stream across the world's longest unguarded border. Expect minor delays from customs; when the man asks you, tell him you are not carrying any fruit, and endeavor to hide your rifle behind your back. The blue helmet should occasion no comment, as Americans all know that Canadians are strange. Our troops in Mexico, however, will have a much tougher time of it. Expect Texas to be a tough nut to crack. The plan is to drop the price of Mexican beer by half about a week ahead of time, which should ensure that most of them are in Mexico and drunk. While this will greatly reduce the expected resistance, there will still be many Texans who stayed home, insisting that American beer is better. They will probably also be drunk, but with the amount of time they spend in this state it should have little effect on their aim. Order the troops to avoid stealth, instead emitting "Whoo!" noises at regular intervals; this should mask us as part of the native population well into Oklahoma, perhaps as far as southern Nebraska. California is not expected to put up more than token resistance. In fact, the native population of Mexicans practically ensures that our troops are welcomed. However, stay off of public school grounds at all costs! Failure to do so could greatly increase our casualty rate. No one actually lives in New Mexico or Arizona, so these should not pose a threat.

With the northern and southern borders under our control, our troop landings along the coasts should go smoothly. We will be using rafts. If asked about origin, the troops should pretend to speak very little English, but beg not to be sent back to their fathers in Cuba. Now I have to go back into the original message to avoid suspicion and that, my dear Van Gogh-Goghs, is precisely why popcorn not only *shouldn't* be eaten before a movie, but by definition *can't*. I am sorry to have to do this to you, but it's for your own good.

So there.


To Rebut:
Well, damn, you've got us there Nick. I can't possibly argue with reasoning like that. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go call the CIA.

just a line

Date: Sunday, February 27, 2000 5:03 PM
From: dmitchel@(deleted)

Most popcorn sold at the movies is eaten before the movie even starts.
How can you say this... jujubees maybe, but NOT Popcorn. NO WAY... really, this is just silly... I don't even think I should take the time to respond to this!

The Popcorn is sampled prior to the beginning of the movie, but only sampled...as is the extra large Coke that cost so much no one gets presents for the next six Holidays...

But the extreme cost and the knowledge that the ice in the cup will still be rendering liquid on into the last fifteen minutes of the movie are sure to encourage a lasting popcorn experience...

Unless you are a sick dude hoping beyond hope that "she" (the one with you) will keep foraging around in the empty box in you lap long and hard enough to wake mr. winky...

To Rebut:
Firstly, in my opinion, any man who names his penis shouldn't be allowed to have one. Secondly, if you do have a name for your penis, it should be a private reference between you and your lover (and/or doctor) and not posted on our site for all the world to see. Thirdly, one's penis' name shouldn't be something stupid and emasculating like Mr. Wrinkly or Winky or whatever the hell your penis' name is. Fourthly, having named your penis, please do not then use it as a general term to refer to all other people's penises as I find it very, very offensive and you will lose your copyright on the term like the people who came up with "aspirin." And last, no, you have not proved us wrong. You are just rambling and I've had to reread yer email three times now to figure out that you have no argument unless you count "NO WAY" as an argument. And to that, let me just say "WAY" and "YES WAY."

just a line

Date: Sunday, February 27, 2000 10:53 PM
From: gold@(deleted)

Those tricky cashiers in the snack-purchasing section of the movie theater are pretty good at convincing you of what a good deal "25 cents more for an Xtra-Large AND a free refill!" is and usually persuade you to hock up the extra quarter. This may be contributing to America's unusally high ratio of artificial butter flavoring to overall body mass. However, given that much popcorn means that it is near impossible to eat 50% of it(one bucket) before the movie starts. Most people go through about 1/3 of the bucket before the movie starts, leaving the remainging 2/3 PLUS the free refill to be ingested during the movie or on the ride home(or even two weeks from then, depending on how much popcorn is in an Xtra-Large).

-Django Gold

To Rebut:
Don't tell me you fall for that free refill crap?! You must be the only one. Can't you see through their nefarious scheme? The bastards only give a free refill on the enormo-tub that no one can possibly finish anyway. And even if you brought your extended family to help you eat it all, by the time it's empty, you'll be (a) so sick of popcorn you don't want any more, (b) so thirsty from all the salt you won't want any more, and (c) so engrossed in the movie you won't want to get up and get any more. It's a con job!! Just like the service contract they try to push on you when you get a new car! Don't be a tool, dude! (And you didn't prove us wrong. Next!)

just a line

Date: Tuesday, February 29, 2000 3:05 PM
From: adam.silver@(deleted)

Dear VGGs,

I am incredibly glad for you that you have never had the pleasure of working at a movie theater. Dealing with irate customers who expected the most recent Pauly Shore opus to break free of their traditional stereotypes and reveal the sensitive, impassioned actor Pauly Shore really is, has been a task I would not wish on even you.

However, having cleaned the floors of a theater in upstate New York for the better part of 5 decades, having scraped more gum off the seats than you can possibly imagine, I can ensure you that you are most definitely wrong. I have carefully measured the popcorn left on the floor (by weight not volume to rule out the effect of being walked on) and have discovered that in fact, on average 63.59% of popcorn purchased at the concession stand actually is never eaten at all. That is an average of course, and it includes the popcorn left in the bags on the floor, not just the free popcorn that is so difficult to clean up. So my only consolation to you is that there was one night, back in July of 1976 when only 38.42% of the popcorn purchased was left on the floor, leaving the possibility open that you may have been right on that night.

I have to go now, there has been a marked rise in the past couple of months of spills of vanilla shakes in the back of the theater. Do you know anything about this???

Yours in perpetuity,

A. W. Silver

To Rebut:
Weight versus volume! That's where we screwed up! Dammit! Wait. No we didn't, it was the fact most popcorn ends up on the floor. Anyway, anyone who has cleaned movie theater floors in New York for almost 50 years deserves to have proved us wrong. And some kind of medal. And probably their head examined. (Learn to type! Become an Internet day trader! Wash dishes! Get out of there man!)

As for the spills of "vanilla shake" you speak of, I could be wrong, but it sounds like your theater has gone porno. I would look into that.

just a line

Date: Monday, March 6, 2000 1:12 PM From: tom@(deleted)

The movie starts when the trailer begins for upcoming attractions (as it is an obvious seamless movement of film in a projector). Since most people do not show up on time anyway, there are not many folks eating popcorn before the movie. So more is eaten during the movie but certainly less after the movie(which would have been real hard to prove wrong). Now if you mean "Feature Movie" you should have said so and it's too late now! Add to that the wives, girlfriends and signicant others requesting popcorn after the feature begins, thus ruining the movie for the popcorn shlep.... by leaving gaps only filled in by later lesser quality video cassette tapes!!!...... then you are hands down clearly wrong!

To Rebut:
Doofus, a trailer is not part of a movie anymore than the Pillsbury doughboy is a recurring character on "Sixty Minutes." So don't even try this phoney-baloney "Feature Movie" crapola on me, pal. And most people DO show up on time for a movie. Otherwise there'd be a line AFTER the movie started. And if you ended up the designated popcorn schlep for your peer group, don't come crying to me. Be a mensch and tell them to get their own damn popcorn, ya gutless wonder. Sheesh!

just a line

Date: Sunday, March 12, 2000 8:36 AM
From: XvXFalconXvX@(deleted)

RESOLVED: Most popcorn sold at the movies is eaten before the movie even starts.

Well, since I too am an engineering student, I'll prove this mathematically.

Ha! Gotcha!

Well, moving on.

Point 1: I'd like to point out that only some deranged weirdo who seems intent on using blue monkeys as a herpes cure would dare venture into the movie theater alone. This thereby concludes that with the exception of AsphaltCrackMonkey there is more than one person at this particular cinematic popcorn munching fest. Now to be quite honest, would two guys go to the movie together? Well, yes I suppose that the Navy could be brought in to answer that, but they ain't right to start with. This means that said people at said cinematic popcorn munching fest are a couple. And to be quite honest, if you're there with the person with whom you're willing to share a bucket of popcorn with, shouldn't you be paying more attention to them that to your friggin' popcorn?!

Point 2: Now granted, the average movie has about ten minutes of preview time, added to the time between when the popcorn is bought to the time of the actual start of the movie. ( I'm not going to bother with the semantics of when the movie starts being when the lights go down of when the main part starts so, be thankful, I do your tax audits. ) Now, this amounts to about 13.2 - 20 minutes of 'down time', unless you have nothing better to spend your time on than sitting in a movie some thirty minutes before it starts. Unless you've understood Point #1, in which case, your not eating popcorn. Anyways, in that amount between the popcorn purchase and movie start, on the average bucket of popcorn, you've managed to eat your way down about two inches into the bucket, of proportionally speaking about 15% of the bucket. Now, given that there is still a remaining 85% of the popcorn remaining, most of the popcorn is eaten *during* the movie. In fact, I'm willing to concede that even when you finally get sick of eating the popcorn, you will probably throw yet another 20% of the popcorn's initial value away. Now this would increase the actual percentage of popcorn eaten at the beginning, because we couldn't possible get all metric like the Canadians and expect us to compare popcorn eaten before the movie to popcorn never to be eaten now could we? ( don't think the Canadians would do such a thing? Look at their friggin' quarters! ) So, this means that the initial values would possibly increase to at most 35% of the initial popcorn (this is of course assuming that we then take the 20% of the popcorn bucket, you know the stuff you weren't going to eat anyways right, and throw it at the guy with the big hat in front of you and not bother counting it, leaving us back at a bucket that although smaller, the amount eaten is still the same. The percentages just change because the bucket is no longer the large but now a medium. What's more, I'm just checking to see if you can keep up. Did you no the human head only weighs eight pounds?) This still fails to amount to being more than what is actually consumes during the movie.... Unless you're into that whole kinky thing that we would get into you pervert you.

Point 4: You don't know what I've done with Point 3. If you ever want to see Point 3 alive again, you will send $4 to an account to be named later. Notify police, and poor ole 3 will get "it."

Point 6: Since I have no point five and I need to move on because 6 is a perfect number. Also, since six is a perfect number, it must also be said that Point 6 must be equally perfect. Therefore, Point 6 is as stated:

"You are wrong."


Falcon A. Sprenger
(This has been made necessary on behalf of America Online users, not currently in the US. i.e., Germany, Mexico, Alaska, etc.)

PS What are you looking at? I just felt like putting PS in this thing somewhere. What? I have to have a reason? OK ... what's the rest of the vanilla-licking chick's Email?

To Rebut:
You do go on, don't you?

Point 1: Well thank you for impugning and maligning: (a) people who go to the movies alone, (b) men who go the movies in groups of two, (c) the brave fighting men and women of the U.S. Navy and, (d) homosexuals. This is America, ya lousy hatemonger and if you don't like it, go back to Russia. When I think of all the brave sailors who died at the Battle of Midway So SNOTS LIKE YOU COULD... easy. Easy. He's not worth it. Easy. There.
Now, as to part two of point two, no, you shouldn't be paying more attention to your date than the popcorn. You should be paying more attention to the freakin' movie, dipwad! Why the hell else did you go! You wanna make out, that's what motels that rent by the hour are for! GET A ROOM!

Point 2: Your numbers don't scare me none, because I've been drinking milk. With tequila in it. I'm pretty sure I'm bulletproof and good-looking now, too. So using your "percentages" (if that is their real name) the best you're willing to give me is about 35% of the popcorn actually eaten at the movie is eaten before the movie starts. First off your math is all screwed up! Dropping 20% from the total popcorn amount turns the 15% eaten pre-movie into only 18.75%, NOT 35%. So I'm even wronger than you think! Hah! Take that! And what's more, MY made-up statistics (freshly pulled from my ass) clearly indicate that an average of 55% of popcorn purchased is consumed before the movie starts. So according to my statistics, I'm right. Who are people going to believe? Me, a respected Van Gogh-Gogh with my own website, or you, a Navy-bashing homophobe?

Point 4: You can keep Point 3 for all I care. You'll soon be begging me to take Point 3 off your hands ala the short story "The Ransom of Red Chief."

Point 6: If I know my Pixies lyrics/Biblical numerology, six is not a perfect number- it's the number of the devil, and the perfect number, God's number, (the one on his jersey) would be seven. But don't feel bad, you were only off by one.

P.S. Like I'd tell you.

just a line

Date: Monday, March 13, 2000 2:35 AM
From: VxSolinarixV@(deleted)

To the freaks who perpetuate this contamination of our young peoples minds with nonsense and pure gibberish.

RESOLVED: Most popcorn sold at the movies is eaten before the movie even starts.

First off I'd like to say that you truely are amatures as you say you are, I say this simply because of the weak debates you think up here. Furthermore I feel it is my duty as a redblooded americen to see that you feel very very bad for this one because hell I can shoot it down with my eyes closed. So now i continue and later i shall scoff in your general direction.

Point numero one,
Due to the lack of sufficent gravity or our own moon (otherwise referred to as Luna by the Romans), conflicting with the massive pull of the third moon of Saturn, commonly known as Titan and repelling various gases in earths atmosphere, thus refracting cosmic x-rays into the mantle of the Earth and causing catrostrophic results. Plus if you factor in the average popcorn comsumed from a microwaveable bag in a single sitting while watching a rented movie is nowhere near the ADV of carbohydrates one needs. Also I must interject that if one goes to a movie with a date(which is very likely since who really goes to a movie by themselves [besides peewee herman] ) one will not be paying much attention to the popcorn, one would be more intrested in the potential of getting lucky either later that night or perhaps in the theater. Which brings in another point, if perhaps one does take a date into a movie for the simple pleasures of public sex then that couple would buy a bucket just to look normal and then ignore it, never touching the 'corn during the whole movie((i must reming those sickos out there that if you do decide to do this do NOT do it in a disney movie, parents will be spending millions on therapy for their children).

POint numero two Yes yes i have more...... Now on to the point of economics. As i see it the largest percentage of movie goers would be between the ages of 13-23, now since most dates to movies are spur of the moment and almost never planned the average person has about $20 on them at any one time, now a movie after matinee price is generally around the $7.50 to $8 range, wich equals to about $15, thus after just buying tickets a person on average has five dollars left to buy munchies, now the average person when confronted with a menu board will sit adn look at the board for an average of at least 3 minutes. Now while they stand there trying to decide on what they want the smell of the popcorn wafts theough the air, putting minute salt particles in the air and as the person breathes in they consume these particles, and as any fool knows salt dehydrates you so in thinking long and hard the average person will purchase a soda and a box of candy with the change from the tickets, thus your point is moot since the average person does not eat popcorn during a movie.

conclusion: You are wrong and the planets will prove it!!!!!!!!!

Yours victoriously
Champion of Spam and other less desirable pork products.
Killer of Chiberian ninja chipmunks
Ruler of the Acid induced world of WHOA DAMN!!
KIng tour guide of the island of HawaItii,
Holy raper of dead purple slightly rotten goats,
and all around sexy kind of guy/freak of nature

To Rebut:
Gee thanks for including your resume there at the end. The next time I need a dead goat raped, I'll keep you in mind. Well, well, well, gonna shoot me down with your eyes closed, hunh? That would account for the atrocious spelling and capitalization.

Your points, as near as I can tell from parsing your email, which seems to have been constructed in the same manner as hog slop, are:
People who go to movie theaters on dates buy popcorn but don't eat it.
People who go to movie theaters to have sex buy popcorn but don't eat it.
People who go to movie theaters don't buy popcorn.

In reverse order: Dude, somebody is buying that popcorn. Why the hell else would they sell it? Plus, we have first hand reports from theater employees about how much spilled popcorn there is to clean up. Popcorn is real, my friend, all too real. Second, public sex freaks [that favor movie theaters] are so small a class of the general (non-porno) movie going public as to be statistically insignificant. Third, people on dates eat popcorn. Aside from being statistically impossible that they don't, they are not so busy groping each other that they can't grab at least a quick bite. What kind of bubbling sex cauldron do you think movie theaters are? You are more likely to hear one half of a couple say "Quit it, I'm trying to watch the movie" than "Take me, take me now, here in this sticky floored, uncomfortable chaired, crying baby-filled hellhole. I want you to make sweet, sweet love to me right behind the guy who laughs too loud and won't stop talking about what the reviews said"

Last, I can't decide which is more pathetic. That you were completely stoned when you wrote the above and emailed it, or that you weren't.

just a line

Date: Tuesday, March 28, 2000 2:23 PM
From: chemgirl19@(deleted)

Dear Sirs,

Your claim that most popcorn sold at the movies is eaten before the movie even starts has been proven false in various movie theatre studies all over the globe. These studies were done not by using misleading people polls, but by examining the evidence left behind in the movie theatres themselves. But before we look at teh results of these studies, lets first see who your statement does apply to:

The only people who finish their popcorn before the movie starts are the health conscious, bean sprout eating, dorks. Why them, you ask? It is simple. These people are not using the artificial butter flavored topping so commonly seen on popcorn. Without this substance, popcorn is meaningless and evil, and more must be consumed to achieve that desired movie theatre popcorn effect. Thus the plain popcorn is eaten faster, and more is eaten. These are the only people who will (almost 100% of the time) finish their popped corn before the start of the movie. They make up 14% of the movie-going, popcorn-eating population.

The other 86% (those who accept and desire the artificial butter flavored topping) will only eat a quarter to a third of their popcorn before the movie starts. The rational behind this is:
1. The greater satisfaction in a smaller quantity of popcorn due to the delicious artificial butter flavored topping, and
2. The likelyhood that these same consumers (who are not as health conscious as their non butter eating counterparts)will buy other snacks to round out their movie going feast.
These people will begin their theatre experience in the same way as the non butter eaters, shoving popcorn into their faces like rabid beasts, but stop themselves during the second movie preview. This is due to the filling nature of artificial butter. This leaves 3/4 of the popcorn uneaten when the movie has begun.
Then, once the movie begins, the butter eaters will begin to consume other snacks, being of varied nature. Snacks range from sno-caps to gummi bears to those gross nachos most theatres offer.

As you can see, the larger percentage of the population does not finish their popcorn before the movie starts, though there are those who do. Studies of the artificial butter reveal an expansion effect which occurs once eaten. This accounts for the greater satisfaction, thus less popcorn is needed in most cases.

Your Truly,
Loews Theatre Employee

To Rebut:
First, bonus points for starting the letter with "Sirs." Second, minus points for referring to me in the plural.

Ok, nutsy, thanks oodles for the made-up stats. And your disturbing categorization of humanity into butter eaters (good) and non-butter eaters (bad). Too bad you couldn't be bothered to follow your stats through. Whereas:
14% of movie goers eat 100% of popcorn
86% of movie goers eat 33% of popcorn

And assuming a crowd of exactly 100 people because math is hard. Everyone gets one thing of popcorn. So 100% of 14=14 and 33% of 86=28.67. So 42.67% of all popcorn bought has been consumed. Now, while not clearly more than half (i.e. "most"), it still is a hell a lot of popcorn and I should get brownie points for doing your damn math for you. And then, yes you have proved me wrong. However, if you allow an 8% margin of error, then I could be right. Oooh! Even better, if I change the 14% of non-butter eaters to ummm, lessee ... 20% and make the other now 80% of butter eaters eat 40% of their popcorn, then I get ... carry the two... 52% of all popcorn eaten! I win! In your face!! Ha!

just a line

Date: Monday, April 3, 2000 2:34 PM
From: VilNtVilOt@(deleted)

If most people eat the popcorn they buy (at the theatre) before the movie starts then who are the rejects that run in and throw tons of it all over the floor? Do those oh so funny kids in the back bring popcorn from home to toss at the back of people's head? I suppose lots of people do eat it before the movie starts but thats because the lame previews last forever, not to mention most theatres have free refills on popcorn once you've payed the jabillion dollars it costs for one of those tubs. This really is a sad argument, come up with a better topic, like the cheese one, that was too funny, and I coulnd't agree more!

Regards, me!

To Rebut:
Look, the name of the game here isn't "Prove Our Really-Compelling-Yet-Rife With-Comedic-Possibilities Theory Wrong" it's just "Prove Us Wrong," okay?! Yes, this is a sad argument, and now I'm sorry I thought of it. Happy?! Revel in my misery, why don't you, you stone-hearted monster!

just a line

Date: Thursday, April 6, 2000 1:14 PM
From: chjordan@(deleted)

Resolved: Most popcorn sold at the movies is eaten before the movie even starts.

Hmmmmmmmmmm. On the surface of things, this seems accurate. But only on the surface of things, for you are truly wrong on this one. Most popcorn sold at the movies is never eaten at all. Most popcorn sold at the movies is actually spilled on the floor, and it's a good thing to, because movie popcorn is very very toxic. If anyone were to actually consume an entire tub of this noxious confection (before or during a movie), with it's special "topping," which apparently isn't butter, so God knows what it is, their arteries would congeal on the spot. So, you see, movie theaters actually put a complex polymer in their "topping" as a lubricant to prevent most of the popcorn from ever reaching your mouth. You can't grasp the popcorn! It just slips right out of your hand and onto the floor. Why do you think theater floors are so sticky? It's a conspiracy! Cheaper, toxic popcorn is sold to you at inflated prices to increase the theater's profit margin. To prevent costly lawsuits, they lube up the popcorn, so that you don't actually eat much of it at all. About 90% of theater popcorn finds it's way to the floor in this manner. Of the other 10%, yes, most is eaten before the movie. But you're still wrong.

Christian Jordan
Graduate Student
Department of Psychology
University of (deleted)

To Rebut:
Okay, you're right about most popcorn ends up on the floor. The explanation, however, falls apart faster than your apparent sanity. The FDA does not allow food products on the market that would kill you on the spot. It has to take at least several years of regular consumption. And if this "complex polymer" (it's butter, nimrod) is so slippery that popcorn coated in it slips from your grasp onto the floor, then how could the floor be sticky? Being covered with your "complex polymer," the floor would be SLIPPERY. Nimrod.

just a line

Okay, once again the great Peanut Gallery of Humanity has proved us wrong! Oh the shame! Oh the ignominy! Oh the... bad things... Where the hell is my remote? There it is. I'm gonna make this quick, the sound just came back on the scrambled porn channel. The majority of popcorn sold at the movies is not eaten at all. It is in fact, ignored, spilled, thrown and/or discarded onto a conveniently located floor. However, it is generally agreed that (a) Those damn previews go on for ever, (b) Some amount of popcorn is, in fact, eaten at the movies and, (c) This particular Prove us Wrong was pretty lame to start with, so your triumph is hollow and empty. I will take my victories, however small, where I can. So until next time, we'll see you... At The Movies!

And thanks for playing. . .
Prove Us Wrong!

go back
Up to Main
Prove Us Wrong page.

© copyright 2000 The Van Gogh-Goghs