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Prove Us Wrong Number 8

Well, I reckon there jist ain't no fool like an ole fool. And that's what we'uns have been on this here airport huggin' hoopla. Takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, and damn if we ain't the biggest folks we know. Yep, the follerin' statement has been done proved flat wrong by you folks. Jist remember ain't nobody what likes a ungracious winner.

RESOLVED: There are more hugs in airports than anywhere else.

Date: 06 Dec 1999 3:32pm
From: gmcghee@(deleted)

Hugs in Airports? I would hardly say that this happend more than anywhere else. I didn't realise people only hugged in airports. And what about at New year - Are you trying to tell me less hugging goes on then? The whole world doesn't go to the airport at once - But new year happens pretty much at the same time (Time Difference is still allowed - THERE ARE BILLIONS of people at NEW YEAR)



To Rebut:
Firstly, Gerry, old bean, we have no intention of implying that hugging only happens in airports. That would be stupid and make the world, a much, much more horrible place to live in if true. Much more. (shudder!) No, we only posit that hugging takes place there with higher frequency than elsewhere. Second, the problem with your argument is that "New Year" as you put it, is not a place. An airport is. Therefore, you are attempting to compare dissimilar items, such as apples and Briggs & Stratton one cylinder lawnmower engines. Besides, I can think of a billion people in China who don't celebrate New Year's anywhere near Dec. 31.
Thirdly, the "University of Strathclyde" you purport to email from sounds all phoney and made up, so there. Thppppt!

just a line

Date: 06 Dec 1999 3:25pm
From: jkane@(deleted)

Just before I begin, I think I should mention that my e-mail address ends in uk as well as my good friend Gerry last month - but that doesn't make me any less of a man goddammit!!!
Anyway, hugs in airports is a tricky one, but I am afraid you are wrong yet again, my friends. To say there was more aeroplanes in airports than anywhere else would be a truer statement, but there is one fatal flaw in your argument. Although there are a large volume of airports in the world, there is a larger area of the world covered by stuff that isn't airport. For your statement to be true the percentage of hugs in the world actually given in airports would have to be over 50% of the total hugs in the world as a whole. And if you take into account all the marriages, funerals and people makin sweet lovin all over the world I think you'll find that it is impossible for all the airports in the world to stockpile 50% of the earth's hugs. Therefore you are wrong. hahahahahahhahahahahhah!!!
So there.
Jon Kane
From Glasgow, Scotland

To Rebut:
Dreadfully sorry, Jon, but being from the U.K. is the real world equivalent of having your email address end in @aol.com. Everyone automatically assumes you are quite definitely less of a man. And that you have horrible, horrible teeth. Try to not take the Lord's name in vain about it, properly capitalize it when you do and take it like the man you aren't. But, hey, any friend of Gerry's is his problem.

Now, as to the meat of your argument, it would definitely appear you have us by our oversized brass American balls on this one. If not for one simple fact. HEY LOOK BEHIND YOU! It's the Queen of England! No, I swear! Look or you'll miss it! Lookitty look look looky look!!!

Nuts. That just doesn't work on the Internet. Alright fine, you proved us wrong, on the tiny technical, semantical detail that most of the world isn't airports. Which would make the world, a much, much more horrible place to live in if it were. Much more. (shudder!)

Hmp. I still say yer "University of Strathclyde" sounds all phoney and made up. If you're gonna lie, just say Oxford! Pick something Americans have heard of!

just a line

Date: December 7, 1999 6:21pm
From: altuni@(deleted)

There are way, WAY more hugs in community theatre than there ever will be in any airport. In community theatre everybody hugs EVERYBODY! Even the people they hate. If they're doing a musical, watch out! Sometimes, even the audience gets hugged after a musical (which can be interesting if the musical is "Hair" - but community theatre doesn't usually do "Hair" - and if they do, NOBODY takes their clothes off).

But the worst part of hugging in a community theatre setting is: All those beautiful women hugging you every day; they won't go out with you. Not even to the movies! And the cast parties are the worst because then there's KISSING! And that doesn't go anywhere either - no matter how drunk everybody gets (OK, maybe that one time, but we both regretted it later).

I gotta go lie down now,

To Rebut:
First, sorry to hear you're in community theater. You have our deepest sympathy. Second, you consistently spelled it "theatre" in your email. This is a sign you have a problem. Please join the relevant twelve-step program. Third, I think it is indeed a shame there isn't more gratuitous nudity in community theater. That and a couple of car chases would see your Nielsen ratings skyrocket.
Next, I don't buy this more hugging in community theater for a minute. Obviously the play can't stop in the middle for hugs, and everyone's too busy getting ready and not saying "MacBeth" beforehand to hug, so thus all the hugs are bunched up at the end of the play. Whereas in an airport you got hugs going on pretty much continuously. So there. And finally, if women are going to hug you and not go out with you, just learn to enjoy frottage.

just a line

Date: December 7, 1999 7:02pm
From: mgabriele@(deleted)

RESOLVED: There are more hugs in airports than anywhere else.
Nope. There does in fact happen to be one category of place in which more hugs occur, namely, hospitals. This is due to the fact that more situations give rise to hugs in hospitals, as well as the fact that hospitals are more likely to produce multiple hugs from the same cause than are airports. Since there are approximately as many people in hospitals as there are in airports at any given time, more hugs occur in hospitals than in airports. I'd go into more detail, but this message is boring enough as it is.
Marc G.

To Rebut:
Hospitals, hunh? More hugging situations than airports, hunh? We'll just see about that! Hugging situations in hospitals: Someone's sick/injured. Someone's dying. Someone's pregnant. Someone's NOT sick/injured. Someone's NOT dying. Someone's NOT pregnant. That's only six situations. Hah! Hugging situations in airports: Someone's leaving. Someone's coming back. Someone's... ummm... getting overcharged at the airport bar? Heh. Okay, okay, you proved us wrong, six to two. Just as long as you realize how unsanitary all that hospital hugging is.

just a line

Date: December 7, 1999 8:50pm
From: miss_emma@(deleted)

I don't think that there are a considerable amount of hugs at airports. Sure, our stereotype of airports is family and loved ones hugging eachother in greeting with teary-eyes. But really, most people in airports these days are lonely business travelers. There's much more of THOSE than there are happy humpy relatives.

It also depends on location. There will be less hugs in big-city airports because there will be more business travelers. It also (obviously) depends on the season.

I think maybe there are more hugs in schools. Teenagers are always hugging one another. With bullets. Damn the times.


To Rebut:
Oh, so businessmen don't hug? Look, I don't know what 1950's stereotypes you were raised on, but today's business traveller is sensitive, in touch with his own feelings and comfortable enough with his own sexuality to give a friendly, manly hug to the freaked out total stranger picking him up at the airport. Okay, I can dream, can't I?

As to more hugs in schools, I don't think so! I know my school had a strong policy against PDAs (Public Display of Affection). Kids today can't even carry a pocketknife to school with out being accused of masterminding some Spartacus-like bloodbath against authority. I'm sure hugging is looked at as a way for co-conspirators to transfer guns and ammo amongst each other, and hence curbed, with tranquilizer darts, when necessary. As for hugging each other with bullets... you lost me there. I just going to write it off as you being high.

just a line

Date: December 8, 1999 5:15pm
From: Matthew.McIver@(deleted)

Here's how the math kicks out--

Airports--upon arrival or departure, each person in the group hugs the traveller once. Then everybody leaves, either on the plane or in the car. End of story.

Funeral home--each visitor hugs each member of the bereaved family, then they hug each other, sometimes they go back and hug the bereaved family again on the way out, then they all hug each other in the parking lot before they leave. Then they tell a little story, get a little weepy and the hugging starts all over again. This can go on for hours.

If you say ah, well there's more hugs in the airport because there's more people in the airport, you're comparing apples and qumquats. Yes, any given airport is bigger than any given funeral parlor. But per square foot, there's more people room in the funeral parlor (i.e. less room devoted to baggage and Starbucks) and, due to the multiple hug scenario outlined above, way more huggings.

So whether you're going by per capita or per square foot, the funeral parlor gots way more huggin' than the airport.

It's a Bomb-itty of Errors around here,
Mamik G.

To Rebut:
Oh. It's Matt. Hello Matt. Remind me to post a notice that friends and family of the Van Gogh-Goghs are not eligible to participate in Prove Us Wrong, cause I got enough bozos to deal with here. Not that you're a bozo, of course aw, screw it. You're a bozo, Matt, ya hear me?! A BOZO! A BOZO WHO HAS PROVED US WRONG! Now quit bothering me!

just a line

Date: December 9, 1999 8:21am
From: sabbat_btch_@(deleted)

Well first I must bask in the glory of proving you wrong about the fries and ketchup theory...and if you don't mind, I'll use that to prove this wrong as well. More hugs in airports than anywhere else you say? Well I don't know about that...all depends on how many people ya have to lick vanilla shake from (or with, whichever the case may be) *wild giggles* ...ahhhh a bunch of naked people huggin' and lickin' vanilla shake *purrrrrs* Could you find so many great hugs in a dirty, crowded airport? I think not! *lol*
Are you wondering how many more times I can attempt to prove you wrong through overt sexual innuendo? hummm? Try me. *EG* You'll have more fun reading my replies than the ones ya get from people hooked on boring meatloaf or your semantics! *lol*

To Rebut:
Well, first I must insist you stop living in the past. Ketchup and fries is so Prove Us Wrong #7. We're on #8 now, miss thing. Here's a dollar, buy a calender so you can get with the times.

Second, you used to be cute. Now you just sound completely insane. And I even know what the hell you're talking about. Your coy vanilla-shake-licking shenanigans may have worked on the naive young boy who wrote Prove Us Wrong #7, but the bitter cynical man writing this Prove Us Wrong #8 knows you're just another dizzy dame trying to put the flimflam on me. Well I ain't playing the fool for nobody no more, sister, not even you. So you can quit batting yer baby blues at me and pop your peepers back in yer head and hit the road. Here's a quarter- call some cab company that cares.

You ain't all that; and you ain't no side of fries neither.

just a line

Date: Thursday, December 16, 1999 4:46am From: IcebagWill(deleted)

im sorry to say this but at weddings and birthday partys there r way more hugs plus who really hugs anymore i mean come on ok ok im kidding i think you guys r right on this one

To Rebut:
I had hoped that discussion in the Prove Us Wrong forum merited punctuation, spelling and capitalization. I would insult you further but it turns out you're agreeing with me. For that I'll let you off the hook provided you pass those summer school classes. Unless this is the artist formerly known as Prince, in which case, I just want to say you were a grade-A fool to let your ego get in the way of participating in "We Are The World."

just a line

Date: December 21, 1999 5:29pm
From: julnarrizk@(deleted)

Sorry, my compadres.

I would have to say that there are more hugs happening at Alcolholics Anonymous meetings across this find land of ours than at airports.


To Rebut:
Hmmm. First: Sorry to hear you're an alcoholic. You have our deepest sympathy. Second: We're just glad you're getting the help you so desperately need. Third: We'll have to take your word that you've proved us wrong, as we have no knowledge of what an AA meeting might be like since we're not alcoholics. Fourth: Beat it rummy, you're lowering our property values.

just a line

Date: December 21, 1999 7:04pm
From: michellep@(deleted)

Well, it's a bit of a stretch, but what the heck..

Background: _Webster's Compact Dictionary_ (copyright 1987), defines a hug as "press tightly in the arms; stay close to." Obviously, it defines the verb form of the word "hug", but the point still remains.

Now, let's assume that the plane from the airport in question happens to crash land in some really cold mountain range. The plane, however, was planning to go to Hawaii, therefore meaning that the people onboard the plane did not have warm clothing.

Since a hug does not, by definition, have to be shared by two people, I'm quite positive that there would be more hugging occurring near that crash landed plane, even if all of the hugs only were people hugging themselves to keep warm. And, I feel fairly safe in assuming that there were at least a few two-or-more person hugs, as well.

Obviously, with a plane-full of people hugging themselves and others in order to keep warm, there would be more hugs there than in an airport.

Heck, you could say there were more hugs anywhere that was colder than people had expected, but I happen to like my little plane crash scenario.

To Rebut:
Okay, I officially stopped reading right after "Webster's... defines." I now know from experience that no good can ever come from anyone quoting the dictionary at me. Or the Bible. So based on that, plus the word "background" that preceded the definition I didn't bother reading, I would have to say you have NOT proved us wrong.

Okay, I felt guilty about blowing you off and actually read your reply. So, you like your "little plane cash scenario," do you, you sadistic bastard? You enjoy the concept of injured, underclothed people shivering in misery, waiting for death? Remind me not to go on vacation with you, Death Queen. And just to prove you wrong, my happy airport people will go on hugging long after your poor tortured crash victims have frozen to death.


just a line

Date: Monday, December 27, 1999 4:54pm
From: DremrOfLit@(deleted)

It is I, the one whom you called a "disrespectful lout." (See PUW #6)

Ah, hugs, a symbol of love and affection. Who wouldn't want one? But then wouldn't there be more hugs in a place of love and affection? I personally don't see anything so very loveable in an airport. In a hippyish utopian-world way, possibly, but then, I'm not a hippy and the world ain't perfect.

There are a lot of hugs in the frighteningly bizzare world of Barney. Many people would puke at the sight of Barney or at the sound of his song, but there are a lot of hugs surrounding them. And with all those little kids sitting in front of their television screens hugging themselves or whoever unfortunately happens to be around, I think it's safe to say that there are more hugs there than in the airports. Mass media is a powerful thing.

Also, there are a lot of hugs surrounding friends and reunions. Hugs can be quite contagious when around friends and people you haven't seen for a while.

But as the hugs in airports are the result of the arrival or departure of loved ones, then hospitals should, by this definition, have just as many hugs and probably even more since there are so many more hospitals than airports and people are constantly coming and going.

Again, we are right and you strange weedle guys are wrong again.

And my catheter is working fine, thank you.

To Rebut:
That's right, I called you a disrespectful lout. And I'd do it again, so don't push me. Now, PUW #6?! Could we not live in the past here, people? It's over and gone and dead and proved wrong already, sheesh!

Okay, the "frighteningly bizarre" world of Barney? Well, for God's sake don't watch Teletubbies, you'll poop yourself stupid. It makes Dali's "Un Chien Andalou" look like a Mormon picnic. Now, could you be so kind as to point to the "world of Barney" on a map? Is it right there in the middle of the People's Republic of Huggsylvania? Yeah I didn't think so. Not a real place, so it doesn't count.

Friends and reunions, hunh? That's strictly small potatoes! You might get two hugs from a female friend (one coming & one going) upon reuniting. Guys sure as hell ain't hugging other guy friends (except maybe in Glasgow). So the number of hugs per reunited group can be expressed as: H=(F x [T-1]) x 2 where:
F=females in group
T=total number in group (minus 1, cause you don't hug yourself)
H=Total number of Hugs
So, with a reunited group of 5 people, that's a measley 40 hugs in one evening, even with an all female group. I think even the smallest municipal airport can surpass that in an evening.

And hospitals. Somebody already proved us wrong with the hospitals already. So phooey on you-ey.

just a line

Date: Monday, January 3, 2000 3:43pm
From: JonnyBlue4u@(deleted)





To Rebut:


I'm going to guess that you probably meant to reply to something on the Howard Stern show. We are the Van Gogh-Goghs. Please direct your future incoherent rants more carefully. Thank you.

just a line

Date: Tuesday, January 4, 2000 4:59pm
From: tom@(deleted)

You claim there are more hugs in airports than anywhere else. You are wrong. Lets say there are 2500 airports in the world with an average of 500 people in each at any particular time. This equates to a population of 1.25 million (OK, prove me wrong on that!). With a world population of 6 billion that puts 0.02% of the worlds population in airports. If 10% of the people are hugging in the airport (a rather high number from my observations) then only 0.002% of the world population is hugging in airports. In an average city of 50,000 people that rate of hugging (we call it the hug quotient) would be equal to 1 person hugging at any given time. I think it looks obvious there were would be more huggers than that (if not more muggers as well) since you need at least two people to hug. Putting it another way, the above hug quotient would equal 125,000 huggers in airports at a 10% hug rate while the hugging "anywhere else"( which we assume is everywhere else) would only have to exceed 0.002% of the world population hugging to exceed the number of huggers at airports. This would mean that people would have to hug at a rate 5000 times greater at airports. The odds are in favor of more people hugging at places other than airports.

Of course, you could have misspoken and meant a higher rate of hugging rather than a higher number of hugs. You would be wrong here too in any case. A funeral or a wedding or a newborn hospital nursery would easily have a higher rate of hugs per person, especially since most people at an airport are working there, trying to find a parking place, trying to get out of a cramped plane, trying to digest airport food or find their luggage and do not have the time to hug. The above mentioned 10% rate was a gross exageration to make a point. Needless to say the other venues noted have a much higher hug rate potential due to the propensity and opportunity to hug under choreographed circumstances.

To Rebut:

Blah, blah, blah. Boy, we sure got our ass nailed to the wall on this "anywhere else" phrase. I guess we should have said any other type of building or business or something. I mean, fine, OF COURSE there are more hugs in the rest of the freaking world than in all the airports of the world. Cripes!

Just keep it up, people. We're learning your ways. We're learning and learning and learning. And the Prove Us Wrongs are just going to get harder and harder and harder. Soon we will create a Prove Us Wrong so powerful nothing can disprove it! Mwa-ha-ha! Fools! Soon I will destroy you all!

just a line

Date: Friday, January 7, 2000 6:37am
From: Nosredna2x2@(deleted)

More hugs in airports than anywhere else? WRONG! Here's why; Most people are too preocupied with gate locations, flight times, ticket finding, luggage hauling, child dragging, and baggage claiming to even consider the occasional hug good-bye, or hello. One sees a plethora of cheek peck kisses, pats on the back, and hearty hand shakes, but hugs? Not many.
Now if you had said "used to be more hugs" I would agree most vehemently! In the days when airports were small wooden structures with linoleum floors, and one had to walk out across the tarmac to climb a flight of stairs to board, hugs were flowing out onto the runways! No, we are not a huggie species any longer, except at family reunions. There's the place for hugs!
Deborah A.

To Rebut:
Family reunions, hunh? Hmrph.

You know, I never liked this Prove Us Wrong. It's not one of my favorites. It never was.

just a line

Date: Monday, January 24, 2000 7:02pm
From: envoy@(deleted)

Ahem. I'm terribly sorry, gentlemen, but you have forgotten one thing.

Let's see, how do I say this primly and properly...Ah. I have it. Let us assume that x = the number of people traveling to or from airports per day. Y = the average number of people greeting them or seeing them off. Therefore x times y is the total number of hugs per day in an airport, assuming one hug is given per traveler to each accompanying non-traveler.

Now. Let us assume that a = the total number of, uh....marital and non-marital acts per day. Given a very (so to speak) conservative estimate of two persons and an average of two hugs per encounter (b), the total number of hugs in this case would be a times 2b.

In other words, what you are saying is that the number of people traveling only in airports per day is, on average, much higher than the number of people in the uh, latter situation around the entire world per day. Even including California.

Gentlemen, this assumption is untenable. Oh my gosh, it's ridiculous. Come on. There are more hugs in beds than anywhere else. Admit it. So there. Nyaa nyaa nah nah nah.

To Rebut:
I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that this Prove Us Wrong was NOT my idea. At all. One of the other guys came up with it. I said, "I dunno..." but I was quickly voted down. "Maybe we should take some time and think of some better ones," I said. And did anyone listen to me? Thpppt! Of course not!

just a line

Date: Friday, January 28, 2000 11:31pm
From: anarob@(deleted)

Dear VGGs
I've been in a few air-ports, and sure enough there's a ho-lot of huggin' goin on. However, my job frequently puts me (pardon the pun) in touch with Down's-syndrom kids, and ain't nobody who like to hug like these kids. I figure, one person, being in a room with five of 'em for 15 minutes results in about 75 hugs. You do the extrapolatin' and the math, and I think you'll find me right in saying the most huggingest places, spread all across the country, must be classrooms of Down's-syndrom kids.

To Rebut:
Sure, sounds good to me. Okay, you've proved us wrong. Nice doing business with you. Thanks! Have a nice day!

(What, I'm supposed to badmouth kids with Down's Syndrome?)

just a line

Date: Monday, January 31, 2000 5:31pm
From: gordbird@(deleted)

Airports have a lot of hugs, sure, but when you are picked up from the airport, where do you go? Imagine Christmas if you will. You get off the plane, and see your grandma, who has so graciously, donated her services to pick you up. You hug grandma, get in her car, and proceed to her house, where your whole family is waiting to hug you. It would be extremely inefficient to have the entire family pick you up. Besides. Go to an airport, and look around. you see one on one hugs. you don't see a guy walking around in a circle hugging everyone. they do that before they leave. So in conclusion, I'd have to say, you guys are nuts. The hugs actually take place in the home. The hugs you see in the airport, are just a fraction of the actual hugging that goes on.

-Gordon Bird

To Rebut:
We're nuts? You think we're nuts? Is that what you think? Hanh?! HANH!? OF COURSE WE"RE NUTS! Why else would we put flame-bait on the Internet and actually post up the response from every Tom, Dick and goofus?! Why else would I slog through this insane, pedantic, incoherent, sneering, smug heap of poop you jackaninnies email us?! I must be freaking nuts to sit here and try to do something with this lame-ass Prove Us Wrong I got shafted with! And I volunteered for this! I thought it would be "fun!" FUN! I was nuts to take this job! FUN! Bah!

just a line

Date: Thursday, February 17, 2000 5:04am From: erik@(deleted)

There are more hugs in airports than anywhere else:

This one is simple gang; more hugs are in the bedroom then anywhere else. And I am referring to all kinds of hugs; in fact, I would go so far as to say, "there are not only more hugs in the bedroom, there are more "kinds" of hugs in the bedroom". ...good night hugs, parent/child hugs,cuddleyhugs, 'get better' hugs, 'i'm sorry' hugs...
I bet you can find more people that have been hugged in a bedroom then in an airport. Very few people have been to an airport more often then in the bedroom. And if they are in an airport more often, well they probably don't have anyone to hug 'em there anyhow.
In the airport, only family members are hugging, or [bald guys with flowers and books]. But in the bedroom, people that have only known each other for a few hours engage in hugging rituals.

I feel confident that you would have to change your statement to counter efficiently. ...unless you meant 'bugs' and not 'hugs'... goodness man, I can't argue that!

To Rebut:
This Prove Us Wrong was not my idea and I've had it up to here trying to cover someone else's ass! It was a stupid idea and no one had the guts to say it at the time and now I have to pay the price. Well, screw that!! And screw this airports bullshit! And screw Christmas!!!

just a line

Alright already, we're wrong! There are more hugs in hospitals, funeral homes, AA meetings, bedrooms, family reunions and wherever it is Down's Syndrome kids hang out than in airports. Not to mention all the parts of the world that aren't airports. So if I want a hug I guess I should go be a sick, ex-alcoholic Down's Syndrome kid. Or try that anger management class the guys have been suggesting. Anyway, I need some Advil, you... can go...away. Now.

And thanks for playing. . .
Prove Us Wrong!

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