Prove Us Wrong Number 8
Well, I reckon there jist ain't no fool like an ole fool. And that's what we'uns have been on this here airport huggin' hoopla. Takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, and damn if we ain't the biggest folks we know. Yep, the follerin' statement has been done proved flat wrong by you folks. Jist remember
ain't nobody what likes a ungracious winner.
RESOLVED: There are more hugs in airports than anywhere else.
Date: 06 Dec 1999 3:32pm
Hugs in Airports? I would hardly say that this happend more than
anywhere else. I didn't realise people only hugged in airports. And
what about at New year - Are you trying to tell me less hugging goes on
then? The whole world doesn't go to the airport at once - But new year
happens pretty much at the same time (Time Difference is still allowed -
THERE ARE BILLIONS of people at NEW YEAR)
Firstly, Gerry, old bean, we have no intention of implying that hugging only happens in airports. That would be stupid and make the world, a much, much more horrible place to live in if true. Much more. (shudder!) No, we only posit that hugging takes place there with higher frequency than elsewhere.
Second, the problem with your argument is that "New Year" as you put it, is not a place. An airport is. Therefore, you are attempting to compare dissimilar items, such as apples and Briggs & Stratton one cylinder lawnmower engines. Besides, I can think of a billion people in China who don't celebrate New Year's anywhere near Dec. 31.
Thirdly, the "University of Strathclyde" you purport to email from sounds all phoney and made up, so there. Thppppt!
Date: 06 Dec 1999 3:25pm
Just before I begin, I think I should mention that my e-mail address
ends in uk as well as my good friend Gerry last month - but that doesn't
make me any less of a man goddammit!!!
Anyway, hugs in airports is a tricky one, but I am afraid you are wrong
yet again, my friends. To say there was more aeroplanes in airports
than anywhere else would be a truer statement, but there is one fatal
flaw in your argument. Although there are a large volume of airports in
the world, there is a larger area of the world covered by stuff that
isn't airport. For your statement to be true the percentage of hugs in
the world actually given in airports would have to be over 50% of the
total hugs in the world as a whole. And if you take into account all
the marriages, funerals and people makin sweet lovin all over the world
I think you'll find that it is impossible for all the airports in the
world to stockpile 50% of the earth's hugs. Therefore you are wrong.
From Glasgow, Scotland
Dreadfully sorry, Jon, but being from the U.K. is the real world equivalent of having your email address end in @aol.com. Everyone automatically assumes you are quite definitely less of a man. And that you have horrible, horrible teeth. Try to not take the Lord's name in vain about it, properly capitalize it when you do and take it like the man you aren't. But, hey, any friend of Gerry's is his problem.
Now, as to the meat of your argument, it would definitely appear you have us by our oversized brass American balls on this one. If not for one simple fact. HEY LOOK BEHIND YOU! It's the Queen of England! No, I swear! Look or you'll miss it! Lookitty look look looky look!!!
Nuts. That just doesn't work on the Internet. Alright fine, you proved us wrong, on the tiny technical, semantical detail that most of the world isn't airports. Which would make the world, a much, much more horrible place to live in if it were. Much more. (shudder!)
Hmp. I still say yer "University of Strathclyde" sounds all phoney and made up. If you're gonna lie, just say Oxford! Pick something Americans have heard of!
Date: December 7, 1999 6:21pm
There are way, WAY more hugs in community theatre than there ever will be in any airport. In community theatre everybody hugs EVERYBODY! Even the people they hate. If they're doing a musical, watch out! Sometimes, even the audience gets hugged after a musical (which can be interesting if the musical is "Hair" - but community theatre doesn't usually do "Hair" - and if they do, NOBODY takes their clothes off).
But the worst part of hugging in a community theatre setting is: All those beautiful women hugging you every day; they won't go out with you. Not even to the movies! And the cast parties are the worst because then there's KISSING! And that doesn't go anywhere either - no matter how drunk everybody gets (OK, maybe that one time, but we both regretted it later).
I gotta go lie down now,
First, sorry to hear you're in community theater. You have our deepest sympathy. Second, you consistently spelled it "theatre" in your email. This is a sign you have a problem. Please join the relevant twelve-step program. Third, I think it is indeed a shame there isn't more gratuitous nudity in community theater. That and a couple of car chases would see your Nielsen ratings skyrocket.
Next, I don't buy this more hugging in community theater for a minute. Obviously the play can't stop in the middle for hugs, and everyone's too busy getting ready and not saying "MacBeth" beforehand to hug, so thus all the hugs are bunched up at the end of the play. Whereas in an airport you got hugs going on pretty much continuously. So there. And finally, if women are going to hug you and not go out with you, just learn to enjoy frottage.
Date: December 7, 1999 7:02pm
RESOLVED: There are more hugs in airports than anywhere else.
Nope. There does in fact happen to be one category of place in which
more hugs occur, namely, hospitals. This is due to the fact that more
situations give rise to hugs in hospitals, as well as the fact that
hospitals are more likely to produce multiple hugs from the same cause
than are airports. Since there are approximately as many people in
hospitals as there are in airports at any given time, more hugs occur in
hospitals than in airports. I'd go into more detail, but this message is
boring enough as it is.
Hospitals, hunh? More hugging situations than airports, hunh? We'll just see about that! Hugging situations in hospitals: Someone's sick/injured. Someone's dying. Someone's pregnant. Someone's NOT sick/injured. Someone's NOT dying. Someone's NOT pregnant. That's only six situations. Hah! Hugging situations in airports: Someone's leaving. Someone's coming back. Someone's... ummm... getting overcharged at the airport bar? Heh. Okay, okay, you proved us wrong, six to two. Just as long as you realize how unsanitary all that hospital hugging is.
Date: December 7, 1999 8:50pm
I don't think that there are a considerable amount of hugs at airports.
Sure, our stereotype of airports is family and loved ones hugging
eachother in greeting with teary-eyes. But really, most people in
airports these days are lonely business travelers. There's much more of
THOSE than there are happy humpy relatives.
It also depends on location. There will be less hugs in big-city
airports because there will be more business travelers. It also
(obviously) depends on the season.
I think maybe there are more hugs in schools. Teenagers are always
hugging one another. With bullets. Damn the times.
Oh, so businessmen don't hug? Look, I don't know what 1950's stereotypes you were raised on, but today's business traveller is sensitive, in touch with his own feelings and comfortable enough with his own sexuality to give a friendly, manly hug to the freaked out total stranger picking him up at the airport. Okay, I can dream, can't I?
As to more hugs in schools, I don't think so! I know my school had a strong policy against PDAs (Public Display of Affection). Kids today can't even carry a pocketknife to school with out being accused of masterminding some Spartacus-like bloodbath against authority. I'm sure hugging is looked at as a way for co-conspirators to transfer guns and ammo amongst each other, and hence curbed, with tranquilizer darts, when necessary. As for hugging each other with bullets... you lost me there. I just going to write it off as you being high.
Date: December 8, 1999 5:15pm
Here's how the math kicks out--
Airports--upon arrival or departure, each person in the group
hugs the traveller once. Then everybody leaves, either on the
plane or in the car. End of story.
Funeral home--each visitor hugs each member of the bereaved
family, then they hug each other, sometimes they go back and hug
the bereaved family again on the way out, then they all hug each
other in the parking lot before they leave. Then they tell a
little story, get a little weepy and the hugging starts all over
again. This can go on for hours.
If you say ah, well there's more hugs in the airport because
there's more people in the airport, you're comparing apples and
qumquats. Yes, any given airport is bigger than any given
funeral parlor. But per square foot, there's more people room in
the funeral parlor (i.e. less room devoted to baggage and
Starbucks) and, due to the multiple hug scenario outlined above,
way more huggings.
So whether you're going by per capita or per square foot, the
funeral parlor gots way more huggin' than the airport.
It's a Bomb-itty of Errors around here,
Oh. It's Matt. Hello Matt. Remind me to post a notice that friends and family of the Van Gogh-Goghs are not eligible to participate in Prove Us Wrong, cause I got enough bozos to deal with here. Not that you're a bozo, of course aw, screw it. You're a bozo, Matt, ya hear me?! A BOZO! A BOZO WHO HAS PROVED US WRONG! Now quit bothering me!
Date: December 9, 1999 8:21am
Well first I must bask in the glory of proving you wrong about the fries and
ketchup theory...and if you don't mind, I'll use that to prove this wrong as
well. More hugs in airports than anywhere else you say? Well I don't know
about that...all depends on how many people ya have to lick vanilla shake
from (or with, whichever the case may be) *wild giggles* ...ahhhh a bunch of
naked people huggin' and lickin' vanilla shake *purrrrrs* Could you find so
many great hugs in a dirty, crowded airport? I think not! *lol*
Are you wondering how many more times I can attempt to prove you wrong
through overt sexual innuendo? hummm? Try me. *EG* You'll have more fun
reading my replies than the ones ya get from people hooked on boring
meatloaf or your semantics! *lol*
Well, first I must insist you stop living in the past. Ketchup and fries is so Prove Us Wrong #7. We're on #8 now, miss thing. Here's a dollar, buy a calender so you can get with the times.
Second, you used to be cute. Now you just sound completely insane. And I even know what the hell you're talking about. Your coy vanilla-shake-licking shenanigans may have worked on the naive young boy who wrote Prove Us Wrong #7, but the bitter cynical man writing this Prove Us Wrong #8 knows you're just another dizzy dame trying to put the flimflam on me. Well I ain't playing the fool for nobody no more, sister, not even you. So you can quit batting yer baby blues at me and pop your peepers back in yer head and hit the road. Here's a quarter- call some cab company that cares.
You ain't all that; and you ain't no side of fries neither.
Date: Thursday, December 16, 1999 4:46am
im sorry to say this but at weddings and birthday partys there r way more hugs plus who really hugs anymore i mean come on ok ok im kidding i think you guys r right on this one
I had hoped that discussion in the Prove Us Wrong forum merited punctuation, spelling and capitalization. I would insult you further but it turns out you're agreeing with me. For that I'll let you off the hook provided you pass those summer school classes. Unless this is the artist formerly known as Prince, in which case, I just want to say you were a grade-A fool to let your ego get in the way of participating in "We Are The World."
Date: December 21, 1999 5:29pm
Sorry, my compadres.
I would have to say that there are more hugs happening at Alcolholics
Anonymous meetings across this find land of ours than at airports.
Hmmm. First: Sorry to hear you're an alcoholic. You have our deepest sympathy. Second: We're just glad you're getting the help you so desperately need. Third: We'll have to take your word that you've proved us wrong, as we have no knowledge of what an AA meeting might be like since we're not alcoholics.
Fourth: Beat it rummy, you're lowering our property values.
Date: December 21, 1999 7:04pm
Well, it's a bit of a stretch, but what the heck..
Background: _Webster's Compact Dictionary_ (copyright 1987), defines a
hug as "press tightly in the arms; stay close to." Obviously, it
defines the verb form of the word "hug", but the point still remains.
Now, let's assume that the plane from the airport in question happens to
crash land in some really cold mountain range. The plane, however, was
planning to go to Hawaii, therefore meaning that the people onboard the
plane did not have warm clothing.
Since a hug does not, by definition, have to be shared by two people,
I'm quite positive that there would be more hugging occurring near that
crash landed plane, even if all of the hugs only were people hugging
themselves to keep warm. And, I feel fairly safe in assuming that there
were at least a few two-or-more person hugs, as well.
Obviously, with a plane-full of people hugging themselves and others in
order to keep warm, there would be more hugs there than in an airport.
Heck, you could say there were more hugs anywhere that was colder than
people had expected, but I happen to like my little plane crash
Okay, I officially stopped reading right after "Webster's... defines." I now know from experience that no good can ever come from anyone quoting the dictionary at me. Or the Bible. So based on that, plus the word "background" that preceded the definition I didn't bother reading, I would have to say you have NOT proved us wrong.
Okay, I felt guilty about blowing you off and actually read your reply. So, you like your "little plane cash scenario," do you, you sadistic bastard? You enjoy the concept of injured, underclothed people shivering in misery, waiting for death? Remind me not to go on vacation with you, Death Queen.
And just to prove you wrong, my happy airport people will go on hugging long after your poor tortured crash victims have frozen to death.
Date: Monday, December 27, 1999 4:54pm
It is I, the one whom you called a "disrespectful lout." (See PUW #6)
Ah, hugs, a symbol of love and affection. Who wouldn't want one? But then
wouldn't there be more hugs in a place of love and affection? I personally
don't see anything so very loveable in an airport. In a hippyish
utopian-world way, possibly, but then, I'm not a hippy and the world ain't
There are a lot of hugs in the frighteningly bizzare world of Barney. Many
people would puke at the sight of Barney or at the sound of his song, but
there are a lot of hugs surrounding them. And with all those little kids
sitting in front of their television screens hugging themselves or whoever
unfortunately happens to be around, I think it's safe to say that there are
more hugs there than in the airports. Mass media is a powerful thing.
Also, there are a lot of hugs surrounding friends and reunions. Hugs can be
quite contagious when around friends and people you haven't seen for a while.
But as the hugs in airports are the result of the arrival or departure of
loved ones, then hospitals should, by this definition, have just as many hugs
and probably even more since there are so many more hospitals than airports
and people are constantly coming and going.
Again, we are right and you strange weedle guys are wrong again.
And my catheter is working fine, thank you.
That's right, I called you a disrespectful lout. And I'd do it again, so don't push me. Now, PUW #6?! Could we not live in the past here, people? It's over and gone and dead and proved wrong already, sheesh!
Okay, the "frighteningly bizarre" world of Barney? Well, for God's sake don't watch Teletubbies, you'll poop yourself stupid. It makes Dali's "Un Chien Andalou" look like a Mormon picnic. Now, could you be so kind as to point to the "world of Barney" on a map? Is it right there in the middle of the People's Republic of Huggsylvania? Yeah I didn't think so. Not a real place, so it doesn't count.
Friends and reunions, hunh? That's strictly small potatoes! You might get two hugs from a female friend (one coming & one going) upon reuniting. Guys sure as hell ain't hugging other guy friends (except maybe in Glasgow). So the number of hugs per reunited group can be expressed as: H=(F x [T-1]) x 2 where:
F=females in group
T=total number in group (minus 1, cause you don't hug yourself)
H=Total number of Hugs
So, with a reunited group of 5 people, that's a measley 40 hugs in one evening, even with an all female group. I think even the smallest municipal airport can surpass that in an evening.
And hospitals. Somebody already proved us wrong with the hospitals already. So phooey on you-ey.
Date: Monday, January 3, 2000 3:43pm
I GUESS U CAN EDIT THIS AND ALL THAT GOOD STUFF WASP
HOW HOMELESS PEOPLE GOT THE RAP THEY HAVE
I GUESS U COULD SAY HOMELESS PEOPLE STINK CAUSE THEY POOP
THEIR PANTS AND WELL U WOULD BE RIGHT CAUSE THATS WHAT BUMS DO,
ITS WHAT THEIR BEST AT, ITS THEIR SOLE PURPOSE IN LIFE.IT IS WHAT GETS THEM
THROUGH A DAY OF BUMLINESS.
ANY HOW HOMELESS PEOPLE STARTED WAY BACK IN THE STONE AGE, BUT DIDNT
GET MUCH RECOGNITION BECAUSE THEY HAD NO PANTS TO POOP. SO FROM OLD TEXT WE
NOW KNOW BUMS GOT THEIR REP WHEN COTTON WAS INVENTED. NOW U HAVE TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND ABOUT THIS, COTTON WAS NOT INTENDED TO BE POOPED ON OR IN. THE ODOR THAT WAS RELEASED WAS 10 TIMES MORE TOXIC THAN A BUM TODAY THAT DIAHREADED ALL OVER HIMSELF THEN URINATED ON HIMSELF THEN DIED AND ROTTED. WERE TALKING DISGUSTING SMELLS LIKE SASQUACHES NUTS BREWED IN A TRUCKERS NUT SWEAT. SO AS I WAS SAYING BUMS DIAHREA IS MOST TOXIC IF COMBINED WITH CRUEL MADE COTTON UNDIES. LETS DO A FAVOR TO ALL HUMANITY AND PUT ALL THE BUMS IN A SPACESHIP AND SEND THEM TO THE ENEMY PLANET KNOWN AS JUPITER. THANK U AND GOODNIGHT MT FELLOW FIENDS
I'm going to guess that you probably meant to reply to something on the Howard Stern show. We are the Van Gogh-Goghs. Please direct your future incoherent rants more carefully. Thank you.
Date: Tuesday, January 4, 2000 4:59pm
You claim there are more hugs in airports than anywhere else. You are wrong.
Lets say there are 2500 airports in the world with an average of 500 people
in each at any particular time. This equates to a population of 1.25 million
(OK, prove me wrong on that!). With a world population of 6 billion that
puts 0.02% of the worlds population in airports. If 10% of the people are
hugging in the airport (a rather high number from my observations) then only
0.002% of the world population is hugging in airports. In an average city of
50,000 people that rate of hugging (we call it the hug quotient) would be
equal to 1 person hugging at any given time. I think it looks obvious there
were would be more huggers than that (if not more muggers as well) since
you need at least two people to hug. Putting it another way, the above hug
quotient would equal 125,000 huggers in airports at a 10% hug rate while the
hugging "anywhere else"( which we assume is everywhere else) would only have
to exceed 0.002% of the world population hugging to exceed the number of
huggers at airports. This would mean that people would have to hug at a rate
5000 times greater at airports. The odds are in favor of more people hugging
at places other than airports.
Of course, you could have misspoken and meant a higher rate of hugging
rather than a higher number of hugs. You would be wrong here too in any
case. A funeral or a wedding or a newborn hospital nursery would easily have
a higher rate of hugs per person, especially since most people at an airport
are working there, trying to find a parking place, trying to get out of a
cramped plane, trying to digest airport food or find their luggage and do
not have the time to hug. The above mentioned 10% rate was a gross
exageration to make a point. Needless to say the other venues noted have a
much higher hug rate potential due to the propensity and opportunity to hug
under choreographed circumstances.
Blah, blah, blah. Boy, we sure got our ass nailed to the wall on this "anywhere else" phrase. I guess we should have said any other type of building or business or something. I mean, fine, OF COURSE there are more hugs in the rest of the freaking world than in all the airports of the world. Cripes!
Just keep it up, people. We're learning your ways. We're learning and learning and learning. And the Prove Us Wrongs are just going to get harder and harder and harder. Soon we will create a Prove Us Wrong so powerful nothing can disprove it! Mwa-ha-ha! Fools! Soon I will destroy you all!
Date: Friday, January 7, 2000 6:37am
More hugs in airports than anywhere else? WRONG! Here's why; Most people
are too preocupied with gate locations, flight times, ticket finding, luggage
hauling, child dragging, and baggage claiming to even consider the occasional
hug good-bye, or hello. One sees a plethora of cheek peck kisses, pats on the
back, and hearty hand shakes, but hugs? Not many.
Now if you had said "used to be more hugs" I would agree most vehemently!
In the days when airports were small wooden structures with linoleum floors,
and one had to walk out across the tarmac to climb a flight of stairs to
board, hugs were flowing out onto the runways! No, we are not a huggie
species any longer, except at family reunions. There's the place for hugs!
Family reunions, hunh? Hmrph.
You know, I never liked this Prove Us Wrong. It's not one of my favorites. It never was.
Date: Monday, January 24, 2000 7:02pm
Ahem. I'm terribly sorry, gentlemen, but you have forgotten one thing.
Let's see, how do I say this primly and properly...Ah. I have it. Let us assume that x = the number of people traveling to or from airports per day. Y = the average number of people greeting them or seeing them off. Therefore x times y is the total number of hugs per day in an airport, assuming one hug is given per traveler to each accompanying non-traveler.
Now. Let us assume that a = the total number of, uh....marital and non-marital acts per day. Given a very (so to speak) conservative estimate of two persons and an average of two hugs per encounter (b), the total number of hugs in this case would be a times 2b.
In other words, what you are saying is that the number of people traveling only in airports per day is, on average, much higher than the number of people in the uh, latter situation around the entire world per day. Even including California.
Gentlemen, this assumption is untenable. Oh my gosh, it's ridiculous. Come on. There are more hugs in beds than anywhere else. Admit it. So there. Nyaa nyaa nah nah nah.
I'd like to take this opportunity to point out that this Prove Us Wrong was NOT my idea. At all. One of the other guys came up with it. I said, "I dunno..." but I was quickly voted down. "Maybe we should take some time and think of some better ones," I said. And did anyone listen to me? Thpppt! Of course not!
Date: Friday, January 28, 2000 11:31pm
I've been in a few air-ports, and sure enough there's a ho-lot of
huggin' goin on. However, my job frequently puts me (pardon the pun) in
touch with Down's-syndrom kids, and ain't nobody who like to hug like
these kids. I figure, one person, being in a room with five of 'em for
15 minutes results in about 75 hugs. You do the extrapolatin' and the
math, and I think you'll find me right in saying the most huggingest
places, spread all across the country, must be classrooms of
Sure, sounds good to me. Okay, you've proved us wrong. Nice doing business with you. Thanks! Have a nice day!
(What, I'm supposed to badmouth kids with Down's Syndrome?)
Date: Monday, January 31, 2000 5:31pm
Airports have a lot of hugs, sure, but when you are picked up from the
airport, where do you go? Imagine Christmas if you will. You get off the
plane, and see your grandma, who has so graciously, donated her services to
pick you up. You hug grandma, get in her car, and proceed to her house,
where your whole family is waiting to hug you. It would be extremely
inefficient to have the entire family pick you up. Besides. Go to an
airport, and look around. you see one on one hugs. you don't see a guy
walking around in a circle hugging everyone. they do that before they
leave. So in conclusion, I'd have to say, you guys are nuts. The hugs
actually take place in the home. The hugs you see in the airport, are just
a fraction of the actual hugging that goes on.
We're nuts? You think we're nuts? Is that what you think? Hanh?! HANH!? OF COURSE WE"RE NUTS! Why else would we put flame-bait on the Internet and actually post up the response from every Tom, Dick and goofus?! Why else would I slog through this insane, pedantic, incoherent, sneering, smug heap of poop you jackaninnies email us?! I must be freaking nuts to sit here and try to do something with this lame-ass Prove Us Wrong I got shafted with! And I volunteered for this! I thought it would be "fun!" FUN! I was nuts to take this job! FUN! Bah!
Date: Thursday, February 17, 2000 5:04am
There are more hugs in airports than anywhere else:
This one is simple gang; more hugs are in the bedroom then anywhere else.
And I am referring to all kinds of hugs; in fact, I would go so far as to say, "there are not only more hugs in the bedroom, there are more "kinds" of hugs in the bedroom". ...good night hugs, parent/child hugs,cuddleyhugs, 'get better' hugs, 'i'm sorry' hugs...
I bet you can find more people that have been hugged in a bedroom then in an airport. Very few people have been to an airport more often then in the bedroom. And if they are in an airport more often, well they probably don't have anyone to hug 'em there anyhow.
In the airport, only family members are hugging, or [bald guys with flowers and books]. But in the bedroom, people that have only known each other for a few hours engage in hugging rituals.
I feel confident that you would have to change your statement to counter efficiently. ...unless you meant 'bugs' and not 'hugs'... goodness man, I can't argue that!
This Prove Us Wrong was not my idea and I've had it up to here trying to cover someone else's ass! It was a stupid idea and no one had the guts to say it at the time and now I have to pay the price. Well, screw that!! And screw this airports bullshit! And screw Christmas!!!
Alright already, we're wrong! There are more hugs in hospitals, funeral homes, AA meetings, bedrooms, family reunions and wherever it is Down's Syndrome kids hang out than in airports. Not to mention all the parts of the world that aren't airports. So if I want a hug I guess I should go be a sick, ex-alcoholic Down's Syndrome kid. Or try that anger management class the guys have been suggesting. Anyway, I need some Advil, you... can go...away. Now.
And thanks for playing. . .
Prove Us Wrong!