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by Jason Torchinsky
It's Yom Kippur again. If you haven't a convenient Jew around to explain what this is to you, potentially Gentile web surfer, allow me: on Yom Kippur, Jews all over the globe don't eat for 24 straight, hungry hours and reflect about how they've transgressed against God or their fellow man. Ideally, you're supposed to try to apologize or atone for your sins and transgressions.

This seems a very noble holiday on paper, or even better, expensive parchment, but in actual practice I find the process rather grueling. See, I can be a real jackass. Oh dear God can I be a jackass. And on this day every year I've got to sit over a big plate of no food at all and reflect and enumerate over every stinking time I've said something snide or judged some dork I saw wearing a Members Only jacket or didn't help someone just beacuse of the way they smelled, or jeez, I could go on and on.

My point is, I think I've probably trangressed against so many people, people I don't even know, and probably never will know, that conventional face-to-face atoning just isn't going to cut it this year. That's why I developed the Atonealator 2000. Now, finally, I can seek forgiveness with the power of this magical interwebnet. To use it, just enter my sin against you in the text box below, and hit the 'atone!' button. And, remember, I'm cc'ing all these to God, so no lying.


© copyright 2000 The Van Gogh-Goghs