About Us
Contact Us

--- Search
-|  -|
by Jason Torchinsky
Ever used a computer? No? Well, good. The damn things don't really work. I don't care what kind you use either: I prefer Macs, but it doesn't matter if you use Windows, Linux, Solaris, CP/M, OS/2, or even RISC OS 5 on a brand-new Acorn Archimedes-- they all, on some level, suck. See, every machine I've ever used loves to crash. And not just mine. I see the damn things not really working every day. We'd never stand for this in any other product. Hell, if Black and Decker made tools that performed with the same reliability of modern computers, I'd be a fingerless, one-eyed, noseless freak with a series of drill bits lodged in my skull.

Now, I know none of this is really news to anybody who uses computers, which, at this point, I believe is every profession except perhaps racehorses. But it's my turn to piss and moan a bit, and the way I'd like to do it is by soothing the pain of crashing somewhat: by providing you, dear web browsers, with some nice alternate screens to use when you crash.

Well, actually, if you crash, you can't use any of these, but maybe you can open them up and make a computer LOOK like it crashed.
A revised crash screen based on the Windows "Blue Screen of Death"
A more friendly, Mac-like dialog box, with a progress bar!
A vulgar one.
One like we thought we'd have, circa 1970.

© copyright 2001 The Van Gogh-Goghs