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by Jason Torchinsky
I'm unqualified to provide you kind websurfers with Easter content for the following reasons: I'm currently drunk (2 gibsons and a shot of something I can't recall) and I'm a Jew. So, instead, I'm giving you my suggestion for an enhanced Easter treat: See, you know how the Cadbury Egg is a chocolate egg that looks like a real egg inside? Well, shouldn't the chocolate bunny enjoy the same honesty? Shouldn't it? Shouldn't a chocolate bunny look like a REAL bunny inside? I think it should, and believe that with such a passion that I actually went ahead and made the following illustration:
Isn't that satisfying? All those marzipan organs and hard candy bones and raspberry filling of gore? Though, for a really satisfying Easter, I'd suggest the Judaic approch: When we celebrate Passover, our freedom from slavery in Egypt, the things we choose to focus on are the details that sucked most, i.e. we had to live on unleavend, make-you-constipated bread as a result of our rapid flee from Egypt. So, my guess is that if Christians celebrated holidays the way Jews did you'd celebrate Easter by burying yourself in the ground for three days. So enjoy those eggs and bunnies.

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