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How To Be A Rock Star

By Rob Terrell

Psst...hey, kid, wanna be a rock star? It's easy! In the immortal words of Bono, "All I've got is a red guitar, three chords, and the truth." Apparently, that's all it takes. But what if you're short a few of the ingredients and need to substitute? Don't sweat it (if you've heard the latest U2 album, you know they've lost at least one of the chords themselves). Here are some alternative recipies:

a red guitar, three chords, and the truth

a ukelele, four shoes, and a disappointment

a casio-tone, a soft drink, and ennui

a theremin, fourteen bars of Vivaldi, and man's inhumanity to man

a kazoo, three tires, and a salad

an organ, six arpeggios, and a mellonballer

a lute, four organges, and a swimsuit

a pie, sixteen sweatsocks, and a tire guage

a harp, eleven cigarettes, and a carbuerator

a mandolin, two garden gnomes, and a sweater

a dobro, seventeen cans of chicken broth, and a cold

a saxophone, a five-minute solo, and boredom

a bass guitar, Pachelbel's Canon, and justice

a violin, an italian flag, and the american way

a drum kit, greensleeves, and a deep sorrow


© copyright 2001 The Van Gogh-Goghs